Depersonalization,Depression,Anxiety,or something else

I don't know how to start or what to say
i don't know exactly what i feel, but all i know that i have finally lost my mind
i don't feel like humans, i don't feel comfortable , i don't enjoy anything, everything looks boring and depressing , when i look at the mirror i keep staring at the reflection for minutes and just wondering who is this person i know its me but at the same time i don't feel like its me
my whole life since i was a kid is not normal,its a mess
my mind gives me very annoying,depressing and worrying thoughts that makes me feel very wrong ( cant describe the feeling )
everything around me do not look beautiful,normal, or even real enough unlike normal people they see their surroundings beautiful and real ( i felt that in the past when i was normal) things looks hazy,foggy not like before
when im walking,talking,playing video games or doing any other activity, i cant really describe it exactly but it just feels like not me doing it,i once felt amazing a human and feeling myself, feeling that im here. but that feeling only lasted for 1 minute i hoped it would lasted forever
i don't enjoy things like before
its a nightmare
i don't want money,i don't want love, i don't want friends
I just want to feel human,peaceful,happy,with myself like everybody else. is that too much to ask for ? to be human , have work problems,girlfriend problems,school problems and all normal life problems i really miss all of these even if its problems but i miss it,i want to feel what people feel and just live

i need to know what is wrong with me i think its more than just a disorder i cant take it any more. if it is a disorder what is it and how it is very hard like that

i need help

hope to see any respond

my therapist and medications didn't help at all

(my English is not very well )

It sounds like you have a lot going on. I'm sorry that therapy and medication did not help. I can't really figure out what is going on with you as I'm not a professional, but it does sound awful. I think I do see some depersonalization and depression in what you say, but therapy and meds are the only way I know how to cope.

I hope others have better solutions for you as I know a lot of people manage without meds.

Good luck to you. And keep posting, sometimes I think just writing it out helps.

I will say that sometimes when I'm really down I find a flower and just enjoy it's beauty and aroma. There is something about seeing this natural beauty that brings me back to reality and the wonder of nature.

Sorry you're struggling so much. I find therapy and medication can take a long time to help. For me it's limited but I get some benefit, took a lot of trying to find something helpful as people are all so different. I hope you find some way forward. You came to the right place for support and understanding. I hope you get some more ideas too.