[StillIntending]

I feel lonely so incredibly quickly. It's pathetic. I'm way too clingy. I should be able to cope with a few hours alone, damnit. When I'm alone there's no one to argue against the voices in my head that make up my depression. They get to me extremely quickly. I hate being alone now, even though I'm an introvert who used to crave alone time before. As an aside, when I typed "I hate" up above there, my fingers automatically typed the word "myself" just after it, because apparently I type those three words together so often that it's instinctual. I am a mess. I hate myself. I hate how quickly I get lonely. I am pathetic.

[WibblyWobbly]

Please don't talk about yourself that way, it breaks my heart. You need to practice replacing those words with even one kind thing to say about yourself. If you can't think of even one, try to remember what you used to like about yourself. Words have power. They reinforce our beliefs when they are repeated.

I understand how you feel about being lonely. Could you maybe go to a movie or the library-put yourself in a setting where there are people around? Or if you have regular hours that you are alone, volunteer somewhere? Please take care of yourself

It is really difficult to change those words around to something kind. I understand.

[Fuzzybear]

[StillIntending]

Thanks everyone. To WibblyWobbly, I'm still underage, so I can't leave the house during the times I feel alone like this. You'd think living in a family of people who love me would help me. But, I'm hiding my depression from them, so, while I still love them and they still love me, there's a divide between us now that I can't bridge, and being around them is taxing to me, the same way being around people I don't know very well is. Last night when I felt this way I saw that there were people logged into a few of the chat rooms, so I joined one for a while in order to talk to someone. That helped. I've tried writing out my feelings and actually my digital journal has over 50,000 words in it from this year alone. It doesn't help nearly as much as talked to a live person does though. I guess even if you do have one or two friends willing to help you, depression is still a very lonely illness.

[Fizzyo]

remember I think you are courageous, keep posting and using chat rooms, I'm sure what you post can help others too.

[Tauren]

Why are you hiding your depression from the people who could most help you with it? Do you feel like it will hurt them?

[StillIntending]

Originally Posted by Tauren

Why are you hiding your depression from the people who could most help you with it? Do you feel like it will hurt them?

My parents barely believe in mental illnesses, firstly. Basically they technically do believe that mental illness is possible, but that the vast majority are just lazy/over exaggerating/insert excuse of choice. And they wouldn't believe me if I just came to them and said "hey, I have clinical depression." They would need to see it. But I'm barely hiding my symptoms anymore, and they still refuse to notice. They probably have and are ignoring it for whatever reason. And my father specifically is extremely closed-minded and just doesn't get emotion. Well. Emotion that he doesn't share.
And my mother probably has depression herself that she's refusing to acknowledge, not to mention that now her father (my grandfather) died a week ago, and her sister is a real piece of work, so she really just could not possibly handle me having issues like that at this time.
Basically I have thought about this with the help of my best friend for months now, and now at least, I cannot tell my parents.