[JohnRuck1985]

Hi, my name is John. I truly thank you for taking your time to read my post. It may be long but I really hope you read it and maybe have some experience. Pay attention to the dates I list because this has happened just over the last month and a half.

I am 30 years old and have lived with my mom and stepdad all my life. I have a very very close relationship with my mom who raised me as a single mother (never knew my father and it never bother me). For two years my girlfriend has lived at my parents house with me along with my sister and her boyfriend and our families 2 cats and dog. It was a busy household and I loved it. In May of this year, my girlfriend and I decided it was time to look for a house and start a new life together. We fount one we loved less than a mile from both our parents house. We closed on it on June 25th!

I was super excited and on cloud nine. I had a house of my own with the girl I love and financial stability to afford it. I bought all kind of new furniture, big screen TV's, etc to fill up this 4 bedroom house. Family came and helped me move in and everything was great and falling into place. For the first couple of days (June 26 - 28th) it was awesome with friends coming over and pure enjoyment of owning my own place. Well on the 3rd day to be exact, I started to miss my old house and what made matters worse was that same night after the feelings came on, I received a phone call from my mom bawling her eyes out for me to move back home. This was the exact moment in my life I first experienced depression. The next few days (June 30th - July 4th) were the worst days of my life. I had constant feelings of sadness, guilt, terror, extreme anxiety, depression, not wanting to be alone, no appetite, no interests in anything, hating my new surroundings, whatever you wanna call it, I had it. I tried going to work during these days but had to leave due to the way I felt. I had to eventually go to the emergency room because of inflammation of the cartilage around my breast bone (was told due to emotional stress). EKG was negative & my heart is healthy) Anyway, these feelings of depression and anxiety I got over these few days were so overwhelming I seriously considered suicide and had thoughts of picking the method to do so. Everytime the suicidal thoughts arose I talked myself down though. I spoke to a counselor who did not help. She tried something called EMDR which was useless.

For the next few weeks (July 5th - 28th), I still didnt go back to work but my symptoms lessened after seeing a psychotherapist recommended to me by my girlfriends parents.He set up an appointment with who he says is one of the best psychiatrist in the area specializing in medicine. I also saw my GP who ran tests for problems with my thyroid which came back negative. He prescribed Effexor and ativan to help with my depression and anxiety. I had panic attacks in the past and was given xanax but would freak myself out after taking it which caused more panic because I don't like feeling drugged. This fear is why I did not take the effexor. I tried the .50 of ativan and is helps but am still reluctant to take it because of the feeling it gives me. So for these few weeks I did notice a big improvement. I still did not want to be away from my girlfriend or be alone but there were no more suicidal thoughts and the feelings did not last the whole day. I did / do dream everynight since my depression and during the time frame mentioned above, I would always wake up with a surge of anxiety and depression which would go away after awhile. As evening approached I would feel like my normal self again just mentally cloudy and tired which I fount strange. I also noticed that things were looking very different like the trees and my surroundings which I was told was derealization. I wanna note that During this time I rarely talked to my family or anyone else. I would get calls everyday but just ignore them. I still fount no interest in things I use to love and had no motivation.

Ok now the good part, from July 28 until now I wake up feeling normal but a couple hours early than I want to and I do still dream every night. It's ok if my GF isnt here. I get a little rush of bad feelings when I am alone but its only for a few seconds. I don't really feel depressed that much anymore although I do still think about my parents house from time to time. I still have a little anxiety but feel the most normal I have since this whole thing started. I still have no interest in calling people or going many places unless I have to. I am back at work. I still feel foggy in my mind but everyday it has gotten better. I have been under a ton of stress at work which I have managed and also fount out my godmother who I am VERY close too had a heart attack and is in the hospital. I though for sure because of the state of mind I have been in that I would slip back into that sever depression I felt the first couple of days but I haven't. I researched my symptoms and am about 75% sure I am going through adjustment disorder aka situational depression. I read it usually lasts 3 - 6 months and has all the symptoms of regular long lasting depression but will pass over time. I see the psychiatrist recommended to me on Thursday and am terrified I will be put on meds when I possibly dont need them.

Since my depression started, I researched anti depressants and after reading so much about the bad of them, I am terrified to start them. I know when I start them that I will be sitting there waiting for them to kick in and freaking myself out. I am absolutely terrified of them. I know that everytime my body feels slightly different I will panic and think its the medicine. I know they wont hurt you but still am terrified of them. I am at a loss for what to do. Do I take the meds if he gives them to me or do I wait this out and hope its just adjustment disorder? I cannot say enough how terrified I am of starting an antidepressant

[eeyorestail]

Hi John--

In general antidepressants don't give you the "drugged" feeling that the benzos (Xanax, Ativan, etc.) give you. They take a long time to build up in your system and may help you feel better but they won't make you feel like you're "on drugs" so to speak. If you don't like the drugged feeling I would stop the Ativan and concentrate on the antidepressant. There may be some mild side effects, but if they are too troublesome your doctor can try a different one.

My advice would be to give it a shot. Even situational depression like you describe can be helped with medication.

It isn't too uncommon for people predisposed to depression to become depressed with life changes--even good ones like moving out on your own! Please don't let that stop you from making a life for yourself.

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Hi John. You've described your experience very well. It sounds pretty severe.

A psychiatrist can't force you to take medication if you don't want to. Having said that, as someone who spent my first episode of depression unmedicated (18 months) and then had a very fast recovery when I started taking an antidepressant, I would encourage you to listen to what the psychiatrist has to say.

You might want to tell him at the beginning of your appointment about your fears about taking psychiatric medications.

Even if what you're experiencing is an adjustment disorder, the symptoms (the depersonalization, the severity of your symptoms) sound pretty bad.

You might ask the psychiatrist to talk to you about what having a serious episode of depression that lasts for a long time is believed to do to your brain if it is treated with medication.

I think that it's great that you're seeing a psychotherapist. That is a very good tool to help you recover.

Anything else that makes you feel good or is good for your overall health, like going for walks or other exercise, things that make you laugh, eating regular meals of nutritious food, and trying to sleep regular hours can be helpful in your recovery, too.

I'm glad that you found this forum. People here are generally very supportive. It gives you a safe place to talk about what's going on with you and about your fears and concerns.

I hope that your appointment with the psychiatrist goes well. It's good to be honest with him. If after hearing what he has to say, you don't think you can bring yourself to take any medication, you can tell him that. Or you may feel like you might possibly take the medication but aren't sure.

His job is to diagnose you and give you his best advice, but you get to decide whether or not you want to do that.

[vital]

Originally Posted by JohnRuck1985

....
Since my depression started, I researched anti depressants and after reading so much about the bad of them, I am terrified to start them. I know when I start them that I will be sitting there waiting for them to kick in and freaking myself out. I am absolutely terrified of them. I know that everytime my body feels slightly different I will panic and think its the medicine. I know they wont hurt you but still am terrified of them. I am at a loss for what to do. Do I take the meds if he gives them to me or do I wait this out and hope its just adjustment disorder? I cannot say enough how terrified I am of starting an antidepressant

Hi John,

I think that there are indeed real reasons to be concerned about antidepressants. Whatever you decide to do, I think it makes sense to raise your concerns with your MD and to try safe, healthy things that you can do that often are very helpful. You may get some ideas from this:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

[cannon]

Originally Posted by JohnRuck1985

Hi, my name is John. I truly thank you for taking your time to read my post. It may be long but I really hope you read it and maybe have some experience. Pay attention to the dates I list because this has happened just over the last month and a half.

I am 30 years old and have lived with my mom and stepdad all my life. I have a very very close relationship with my mom who raised me as a single mother (never knew my father and it never bother me). For two years my girlfriend has lived at my parents house with me along with my sister and her boyfriend and our families 2 cats and dog. It was a busy household and I loved it. In May of this year, my girlfriend and I decided it was time to look for a house and start a new life together. We fount one we loved less than a mile from both our parents house. We closed on it on June 25th!

I was super excited and on cloud nine. I had a house of my own with the girl I love and financial stability to afford it. I bought all kind of new furniture, big screen TV's, etc to fill up this 4 bedroom house. Family came and helped me move in and everything was great and falling into place. For the first couple of days (June 26 - 28th) it was awesome with friends coming over and pure enjoyment of owning my own place. Well on the 3rd day to be exact, I started to miss my old house and what made matters worse was that same night after the feelings came on, I received a phone call from my mom bawling her eyes out for me to move back home. This was the exact moment in my life I first experienced depression. The next few days (June 30th - July 4th) were the worst days of my life. I had constant feelings of sadness, guilt, terror, extreme anxiety, depression, not wanting to be alone, no appetite, no interests in anything, hating my new surroundings, whatever you wanna call it, I had it. I tried going to work during these days but had to leave due to the way I felt. I had to eventually go to the emergency room because of inflammation of the cartilage around my breast bone (was told due to emotional stress). EKG was negative & my heart is healthy) Anyway, these feelings of depression and anxiety I got over these few days were so overwhelming I seriously considered suicide and had thoughts of picking the method to do so. Everytime the suicidal thoughts arose I talked myself down though. I spoke to a counselor who did not help. She tried something called EMDR which was useless.

For the next few weeks (July 5th - 28th), I still didnt go back to work but my symptoms lessened after seeing a psychotherapist recommended to me by my girlfriends parents.He set up an appointment with who he says is one of the best psychiatrist in the area specializing in medicine. I also saw my GP who ran tests for problems with my thyroid which came back negative. He prescribed Effexor and ativan to help with my depression and anxiety. I had panic attacks in the past and was given xanax but would freak myself out after taking it which caused more panic because I don't like feeling drugged. This fear is why I did not take the effexor. I tried the .50 of ativan and is helps but am still reluctant to take it because of the feeling it gives me. So for these few weeks I did notice a big improvement. I still did not want to be away from my girlfriend or be alone but there were no more suicidal thoughts and the feelings did not last the whole day. I did / do dream everynight since my depression and during the time frame mentioned above, I would always wake up with a surge of anxiety and depression which would go away after awhile. As evening approached I would feel like my normal self again just mentally cloudy and tired which I fount strange. I also noticed that things were looking very different like the trees and my surroundings which I was told was derealization. I wanna note that During this time I rarely talked to my family or anyone else. I would get calls everyday but just ignore them. I still fount no interest in things I use to love and had no motivation.

Ok now the good part, from July 28 until now I wake up feeling normal but a couple hours early than I want to and I do still dream every night. It's ok if my GF isnt here. I get a little rush of bad feelings when I am alone but its only for a few seconds. I don't really feel depressed that much anymore although I do still think about my parents house from time to time. I still have a little anxiety but feel the most normal I have since this whole thing started. I still have no interest in calling people or going many places unless I have to. I am back at work. I still feel foggy in my mind but everyday it has gotten better. I have been under a ton of stress at work which I have managed and also fount out my godmother who I am VERY close too had a heart attack and is in the hospital. I though for sure because of the state of mind I have been in that I would slip back into that sever depression I felt the first couple of days but I haven't. I researched my symptoms and am about 75% sure I am going through adjustment disorder aka situational depression. I read it usually lasts 3 - 6 months and has all the symptoms of regular long lasting depression but will pass over time. I see the psychiatrist recommended to me on Thursday and am terrified I will be put on meds when I possibly dont need them.

Since my depression started, I researched anti depressants and after reading so much about the bad of them, I am terrified to start them. I know when I start them that I will be sitting there waiting for them to kick in and freaking myself out. I am absolutely terrified of them. I know that everytime my body feels slightly different I will panic and think its the medicine. I know they wont hurt you but still am terrified of them. I am at a loss for what to do. Do I take the meds if he gives them to me or do I wait this out and hope its just adjustment disorder? I cannot say enough how terrified I am of starting an antidepressant

you are homesick.it just means you come from a happy home.move back with your mother and give it time-take things slow.God be with you

[eeyorestail]

Originally Posted by cannon

you are homesick.it just means you come from a happy home.move back with your mother and give it time-take things slow.God be with you

He's 30 years old, has a girlfriend, and can support himself financially. I don't think moving back in with his mom is the answer.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Madeofwords]

Wow, that sounds pretty rough, man. I hope you get to feeling better. I recommend trusting your doctor. Take an antidepressant if they feel like it's the best thing for you. I got started out on a low dose to see if I could tolerate it, and then it got gradually increased. I take paxil. I think it calms me down a bit, but I don't notice a huge effect. Depends on the person, I guess. Also, I get freaky vivid dreams when I'm depressed too, I thought I was the only one!

[simplytad]

Meds have definitely helped me. I stopped several times thinking I'll be okay but I fall into depression again, which is happening right now. Big difference between taking meds and no meds. There can be side effects but make sure to notify your doctor so they can reassess. I wish you all the best...

[vital]

Originally Posted by simplytad

Meds have definitely helped me. I stopped several times thinking I'll be okay but I fall into depression again, which is happening right now. Big difference between taking meds and no meds. There can be side effects but make sure to notify your doctor so they can reassess. I wish you all the best...

Because of oppositional tolerance, this is a typical trap you can get into. After a while, the meds stop doing much, but, you also then can't easily quit without getting much worse. At this point, patients are often put on another drug when the cycle may just repeat.

[Ruftin]

(((John))) From what you've said it seems you're slowly coming out of your depression on your own. As long as you're not feeling suicidal there's no reason you can't wait it out without medications. Have a plan in place though just in case you do start feeling suicidal. I agree with vital in that it's important you take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise and get enough sleep.

[lonely-and-sad]

Originally Posted by vital

Because of oppositional tolerance, this is a typical trap you can get into. After a while, the meds stop doing much, but, you also then can't easily quit without getting much worse. At this point, patients are often put on another drug when the cycle may just repeat.

I think its much more complex and 'oppositional tolerance' is not well established. Hit the pdf on the link below and have a look for yourself. It is a very balanced review of the evidence.

Unfortunately those of us that are depressed or have ever had depression do not have at our disposal enough high quality treatments. We have to try things. Yes they carry risks but what is the alternative? Studies have been done .on yoga, meditation and fish oil and it is not impressive for severe depression. The general medical treatments recommended for things like depression do not produce spectacular results for many. We know there are problems such as side effects. But for us severe chronic sufferers there is not much else and we have to follow the evidence and the directions given by consulting those qualified to help. Unless you want to provide high quality peer reviewed studies showing some kind of alternative?

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3398684/

[arabianhorselover]

John,

It sounds like your relationship with your Mother has not been a "normal" one. I understand since I have never had a normal mother/daughter relationship with my Mother, either.

Apparently even moving a mile from your childhood home was too much for you to handle emotionally. I would suggest counseling. As far as meds, I was very afraid of them, also, but I finally agreed to trying them about 17 years ago. They changed my life.