[kray_bray_may]

Does anyone ever experience a crushing feeling of loneliness?

There are so many people in my friends list on social media and contacts list in my phone, but I can reach out to precious few of them. I feel so extremely alone, especially on my hour long bus rides to and from school. There are so many people around, but I feel completely alienated from them.

I used to like getting to know people and having them open up to me; since then something has changed and I feel absolutely no interest in getting to know people. I don't care to get to know them.

I'm feeling really isolated and yet I have no desire to reach out to anyone. The feeling is a combination of can't and don't want to. The longer isolation goes on, the harder it becomes to reach out.

Sometimes I want to cry, but I can't because I've dammed up all the feelings. I try to repress all feelings, but they come breaking through. I'm good at repressing happy feelings though. I do not trust happy feelings, not to mention the disappointment and discouragement when they're gone is not worth it. I'd rather operate on a stable, if negative, plane rather than swings. However, I'm not feeling good.

I'm not feeling good. I'm not feeling well.

[wearymomof6]

Oh yes, I know crushing feelings of loneliness and I know all about the smiling faces who want nothing more than smiles. I, too, have honed the clever art of unapproachable body language, the invisible box to keep everyone at bay. Mine is born, I think, from too many bad experiences, from trusting and being trampled, from giving until the well is dry, from thinking I'm ok and being told I am not. It is painful to be alone, but is it less painful than reaching out or is it more painful to remain hidden inside? I don't know. I'm new to this, too. I'm sorry you hurt, tho. I'm sorry you are withdrawn. Is it temporary? Probably. For how long? I don't know. Maybe just as long as it takes for the mourning to end, for whatever it is you are mourning. Even if you don't know for what you mourn just yet.

[kray_bray_may]

Reaching out is painful, but worse is that no one's around. My supposed best friend from high school is never around. I want to cry, but can't. I want to reach out, but can't - no one's available and I don't feel like it either. Sometimes I can't explain what I'm feeling, nevermind why and it keeps on going, my head just getting packed, packed and compressed with all the same thoughts.

[StillIntending]

Originally Posted by kray_bray_may

Does anyone ever experience a crushing feeling of loneliness?

There are so many people in my friends list on social media and contacts list in my phone, but I can reach out to precious few of them. I feel so extremely alone, especially on my hour long bus rides to and from school. There are so many people around, but I feel completely alienated from them.

I used to like getting to know people and having them open up to me; since then something has changed and I feel absolutely no interest in getting to know people. I don't care to get to know them.

I'm feeling really isolated and yet I have no desire to reach out to anyone. The feeling is a combination of can't and don't want to. The longer isolation goes on, the harder it becomes to reach out.

Sometimes I want to cry, but I can't because I've dammed up all the feelings. I try to repress all feelings, but they come breaking through. I'm good at repressing happy feelings though. I do not trust happy feelings, not to mention the disappointment and discouragement when they're gone is not worth it. I'd rather operate on a stable, if negative, plane rather than swings. However, I'm not feeling good.

I'm not feeling good. I'm not feeling well.

Firstly, I am so sorry that you're feeling this way. I feel very similar, and I hate seeing anyone else who has to go through anything like what I am. To date, there are 3 people who really know about my depression, one of whom I only told a few days ago and who is extremely busy, and another who lives across the country from me. The last is my best friend. These people, especially the last two I mentioned, have helped me immeasurably.

Possible trigger:

My best friend has talked me out of suicide, actually.

But there are hours, days, weeks even, sometimes, when none of them are available. When those three people aren't, I'm suddenly surrounded only by people I need to hide myself from, and my own thoughts, which are frequently mental loops of self hatred. In those times, I get extremely lonely.

Sometimes I try to write out my feelings in my journal, but that has only ever helped me minimally. Better I find is to come here on PC and either respond to threads, make a new thread, or join a chat room. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. PC has offered me some relief, and I hope it can offer you some too.

[Fuzzybear]

[Sirensong18]

You're not alone in feeling lonely. Hugs.

I feel like ever since I left school, my social life has died. My best friend moved away to another state, so I only get to see her about twice a year. Even though I have a few "friends" on facebook, I don't ever really feel that I can talk to them about anything substantial or meaningful. I don't dare tell them about my depression, because I'm afraid of driving people away. I barely ever post anything anymore, because usually there's nothing worth saying about my life that I'd want to share anyway.

I've tried everything I can to make new friends. I went to a jewelry making class at the library, but everyone there was 50+. (I'm 27, trying to meet people my own age.) I'm not a bar person... and the few times I've been in a bar everyone is just on their smart phones anyway. I signed up for a class at the tech college, but again, everyone there was just so much older than me.

And then there's the problem of everyone having kids. Not that I have anything against starting a family (I want to also in about 5 years)... it's just that kids take up so much time, money, and energy that I never see my friends anymore once they have kids.

Sigh. I just try to take it one day at a time. Coming here helps me because everyone here is very nice and supportive, and it makes me feel like I'm maybe not totally worthless.

[gina_re]

YES!! I just made a similar post in the BP forum. It's frustrating because I know a decent amount of people, but yet can't really contact anyone when I'm down or even just to hang out with so I'm not stuck in the house all of the time. I definitely understand the feeling. But overcoming that is where I'm stuck.

[kray_bray_may]

This also makes itself felt whenever I try dating - I have absolutely no energy or desire to get to know people on any level. Beyond the utmost bare minimum of where do you go to school, what do you study and the superficial most of jokes and banter, my energy drops off instantly. I don't know what's ailing me.

[ProudlyPersevering]

Your not alone! I understand. This is so hard, I have a few friends and I never want to be a burden with my thoughts. It is so tough to reach out, sometimes I feel like I am drowning in the darkness.







\

[kray_bray_may]

Originally Posted by ProudlyPersevering

Your not alone! I understand. This is so hard, I have a few friends and I never want to be a burden with my thoughts. It is so tough to reach out, sometimes I feel like I am drowning in the darkness.

It is tough to reach out and people aren't always available or considerate

[JohnCrow]

I find that, when I am really down, I don't want my first contact iun weeks to be "help me, please, I want to die"

So many friends have moved on with their lives - I cannot

[kray_bray_may]

Originally Posted by JohnCrow

I find that, when I am really down, I don't want my first contact iun weeks to be "help me, please, I want to die"

So many friends have moved on with their lives - I cannot

What are you trying to move on from?

[cannon]

Originally Posted by kray_bray_may

Does anyone ever experience a crushing feeling of loneliness?

There are so many people in my friends list on social media and contacts list in my phone, but I can reach out to precious few of them. I feel so extremely alone, especially on my hour long bus rides to and from school. There are so many people around, but I feel completely alienated from them.

I used to like getting to know people and having them open up to me; since then something has changed and I feel absolutely no interest in getting to know people. I don't care to get to know them.

I'm feeling really isolated and yet I have no desire to reach out to anyone. The feeling is a combination of can't and don't want to. The longer isolation goes on, the harder it becomes to reach out.

Sometimes I want to cry, but I can't because I've dammed up all the feelings. I try to repress all feelings, but they come breaking through. I'm good at repressing happy feelings though. I do not trust happy feelings, not to mention the disappointment and discouragement when they're gone is not worth it. I'd rather operate on a stable, if negative, plane rather than swings. However, I'm not feeling good.

I'm not feeling good. I'm not feeling well.

get a pet -a dog or a cat will fill all that emptyness that is in all of us-go to church regularly-hope this helps you

[kray_bray_may]

Originally Posted by cannon

get a pet -a dog or a cat will fill all that emptyness that is in all of us-go to church regularly-hope this helps you

I've got a cat. It's not a cure-all or even cure to any meaningful extent.

[notthisagain]

That's the way I feel right now. Isolated and lonely. It's especially frustrating when you know that you've reached out to others when they were down or upset about something, and, when it's you who needs an ear...nothing. I know that other people have lives, but it hurts that people who I've thought were better friends can't take the time out for something simple, like a cup of coffee. I'm also hesitant to open up to other people because I don't want to feel like I'm being needy or that I am ruining their good time.

[kray_bray_may]

Originally Posted by notthisagain

That's the way I feel right now. Isolated and lonely. It's especially frustrating when you know that you've reached out to others when they were down or upset about something, and, when it's you who needs an ear...nothing.

Exactly.

I know that other people have lives, but it hurts that people who I've thought were better friends can't take the time out for something simple like a cup of coffee.

Exactly. Often, they don't have the time and eventually I lose any desire to reach out to anyone because there's no response.

[tigerlily84]

I know exactly what you mean. Especially the part about dating and meeting new people. If the depression has lasted a long time, you eventually forget what it's like to be around other people because you've isolated for so long; and yet when you do try to interact it comes off as awkward. And that only makes you hate yourself more. Even though I want to meet someone, I don't see a point. They'll figure out pretty easily that there's nothing to hold their interest.

[kray_bray_may]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

If the depression has lasted a long time, you eventually forget what it's like to be around other people because you've isolated for so long.

I'm less depressed and I have better self-esteem today than I did this time last year, but I've become more isolated. I've improved to a sort baseline, average functioning level but believe you me, it's no joy.

and yet when you do try to interact it comes off as awkward.

I don't see a point.

Pretty much. I've never been good interacting with people and isolation makes it worse. Even worse, I don't see the point of interacting and my desire to do so is absent, and yet I complain about isolation. Does that make sense?