[Bishtaw]

Hello everyone I'm back again. Part of me feels toxic here for only asking repetitively for advice without giving back but I'm here again.
College is rolling by again and with that came a large bill. A little over 2k gone has left me with what i can only describe as buyers remorse from something i know i need. Its also left me very stringent on what money i have left to the point of forgoing food to save a few dollars. I'm not desperate on money currently however i still feel like i need some extra cash if anything were to happen. This has been going on for the last week while working full time as a delivery driver.

I've also been dealing with my lack of feelings maybe I'm just dropping the last few emotions as I'm no longer "sad" just existing with emptiness i wish i could just cry as i gave that up a long time ago and only every so often do i actually get angry anymore. I don't know if this is actually better though or just me losing subconscious hope.

Well this has turned partly into a rant :/ I'm not even sure if i know what i need...

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[Pierro]

Its all part of depression, feeling numb and empty... put all that together with financial stain and there you have it... I do hope that you feel better soon....

Part of me feels toxic here for only asking repetitively for advice without giving back but I'm here again

I tend to give advice on this site and rarely ask for any, so maybe it all balances out.

I do get helpful info. from this site, but it's usually from reading other people's threads and not from posting my own.

I was drawn to your post because of what you said about emotions and money. I always have a lot of difficult emotions around money. Even when I buy something I've planned for, I feel anxious about it.

The loss of all emotions doesn't sound like a positive thing. Do you see a therapist or take psych meds? I have tended towards apathetic depressions as I've gotten older and they usually come with blunted emotions.

I don't know what you need, either, as we are all different. I am trying to maintain a diet of good food, get enough sleep, and go to therapy regularly at the moment. I take meds too. They help me a lot, but everyone has a different preference there. Also, I periodically have to get the meds adjusted, because they become ineffective over time.

I hope that things improve for you. Feeling empty is not really pleasant.

[Fizzyo]

Hi Bishtaw! Toxic is a very strong word for what you have described. I wouldn't really put it like that. Jo_thorne has a point about contributing to other people's threads, I find it often helps me as much as I hope it helps them, I don't always feel able to use words but sometimes a few well chosen smilies have made me feel heard and that someone has taken the trouble to reply and I hope it does the same for other people. It also brings the thread back to the top so someone else can see it who can give good advice.
Sorry to hear you have so many worries and feel so numb- I know that's a horrible place to be and here is as good a place to rant as anywhere else. I hope you can stay active here and find support as much as I have.

[lavendersage]

Originally Posted by Fizzyo

Jo_thorne has a point about contributing to other people's threads, I find it often helps me as much as I hope it helps them, I don't always feel able to use words but sometimes a few well chosen smilies have made me feel heard and that someone has taken the trouble to reply and I hope it does the same for other people. It also brings the thread back to the top so someone else can see it who can give good advice.
Sorry to hear you have so many worries and feel so numb- I know that's a horrible place to be and here is as good a place to rant as anywhere else. I hope you can stay active here and find support as much as I have.

that's how I feel.

[Bishtaw]

Thanks everyone its nice i have support here. Still feeling numb but your comments are appreciated greatly. Ill try to stay more active here too as i generally feel like i abandon this place only to visit in a month :/
I wish i could cry since writing this post as the last time i did was when i almost attempted 4 years ago. The closest I've come were watery eyes but just couldn't get a tear out. Maybe part of me just gave up during that time.

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