[LeeTheBee]

Hi all.

I've had depression about 8 or 9 years and in that the I have hidden away from the world and as a result of that I've not structured my life in any way. I'm 10 years behind everyone else my age.

Because I've been hidden away so many years, I've had no relationships. I've met girls, etc but not had anything like a long term relationship. The loneliness of this is killing me. My negative moods are being amplified by the fact I've been alone so long. I'm tired of feeling empty and alone. Depression is bad enough but with this it is so much worse.

It's not easy to try meet new people because that requires money and I'm usually broke. It also sucks because I'm living with a relative and that's a no go for mid twenties people seeking someone.

Anyone got any ideas? Any way I can take my mind off this ********? Anyone have any similar experiences?

Wouldn't even mind a few mates down here but a few years ago I moved away from the town where all my friends were and as a result I know nobody here.

Going out with family temporarily fills the void but I get depressed as soon as I'm back home alone. Truth be told, I want more than that but I'd be quite happy just hanging out at local pub.

This website is US based? I'm film the UK.

Peace folks.

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[vital]

Originally Posted by LeeTheBee

Anyone got any ideas? A

Hi LeeTheBee,

You might find these notes to be helpful:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

and this is what I think is the best overall plan:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

The server for this site is in the US but there are people here from all over the world. - vital

[lavendersage]

Hi

Welcome to Psych Central. It's a US-based site but it draws people from all over the world.

You may want to look in to NAMI (or the UK equivalent) Depression Support Groups. DBSA Support Groups, too. It can do wonders to be amongst people that truly "get" what you're going through. Even if you never say a word - it can make a difference just being there.

For purely social interaction you may want to look in to meetup.com. It's international and if you can think of an interest....there's likely to be a meetup group that does it. Meetup.com is free to join. At least check it out online.

Lastly, volunteering is a good, low (no) cost way to get out and be among people, plus it will feel good to help others, and they'll benefit, too.

PC is a very welcoming online community. Lots of nice people to chat and exchange ideas with. Welcome again!

[lonely-and-sad]

Originally Posted by LeeTheBee

Hi all.

I've had depression about 8 or 9 years and in that the I have hidden away from the world and as a result of that I've not structured my life in any way. I'm 10 years behind everyone else my age.

Because I've been hidden away so many years, I've had no relationships. I've met girls, etc but not had anything like a long term relationship. The loneliness of this is killing me. My negative moods are being amplified by the fact I've been alone so long. I'm tired of feeling empty and alone. Depression is bad enough but with this it is so much worse.

It's not easy to try meet new people because that requires money and I'm usually broke. It also sucks because I'm living with a relative and that's a no go for mid twenties people seeking someone.

Anyone got any ideas? Any way I can take my mind off this ********? Anyone have any similar experiences?

Wouldn't even mind a few mates down here but a few years ago I moved away from the town where all my friends were and as a result I know nobody here.

Going out with family temporarily fills the void but I get depressed as soon as I'm back home alone. Truth be told, I want more than that but I'd be quite happy just hanging out at local pub.

This website is US based? I'm film the UK.

Peace folks.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S5 (SM-G900F) using Tapatalk.

Yes I have had a similar experience, that was the exact position I was in when I joined here hence the username - a snapshot of that time. I met someone that was broke like me in what was temporary accommodation. We have since moved out and live together, the depression is mostly gone thanks to medication and my financial situation has improved. I still have no friends; the depression helped wreck any friendships I had and there is nobody left. There isn't much job security or tenure anywhere anymore so I need to carefully plan what next.

I have only got one suggestion for you: get the depression treated as best you can as soon as you can. Focus on improving your mental health and not on the sort of story the depression is telling you. That story may have some truth in it but it won't be as strong when you are well. I have always found my circumstances improved after I got out of depression. I think us depressives need to be reminded that the story is just a story and those thoughts of loneliness and sadness are just symptoms of the depression.

[LeeTheBee]

I actually do volunteer already. I've also kept an eye out on meet up but meet ups are further away and usually in the evening and since I don't drive getting back mega late on public transport is something I prefer not to do... Plus cost. I've checked local mental health groups and sadly the only near by ones have infrequent meet ups. As for the PC, I think I've spent far too much time on it over the years, so alternatives are a better option.

It's very difficult to see positively when alone. On up days a sense of "what am I working for", tends to pop in my head, sometimes I can shake, other times I can't.

The problem I find mostly is that opportunity is slow. If I'm volunteering, or doing something different and feel good, because nothing comes out of it in several months, negative moods have plenty of time to knock you off track, many times. Sticking to these changes is obviously very difficult when this happens.

It would be ideal of there were some people local to me going through similar things and could meet up and chill out, have a drink, etc, but that's nigh impossible to find.

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[LeeTheBee]

Originally Posted by lonely-and-sad

Yes I have had a similar experience, that was the exact position I was in when I joined here hence the username - a snapshot of that time. I met someone that was broke like me in what was temporary accommodation. We have since moved out and live together, the depression is mostly gone thanks to medication and my financial situation has improved. I still have no friends; the depression helped wreck any friendships I had and there is nobody left. There isn't much job security or tenure anywhere anymore so I need to carefully plan what next.

I have only got one suggestion for you: get the depression treated as best you can as soon as you can. Focus on improving your mental health and not on the sort of story the depression is telling you. That story may have some truth in it but it won't be as strong when you are well. I have always found my circumstances improved after I got out of depression. I think us depressives need to be reminded that the story is just a story and those thoughts of loneliness and sadness are just symptoms of the depression.

I tried having my Venlafaxine changed recently but they won't allow it because I've been on it for a few years and its helped cut the edge off of my negative moods but it's immensely difficult to come off because of withdrawals. They want to see how I get on under a complex care team first before trying anything else... Unfortunately that means more waiting.

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[notthisagain]

I, too, feel lonely because of my bipolar depression. Even if I am around other people I feel like there is this hole that needs to be filled but isn't. I think that it is because I wear this mask so that everything appears to be normal to other people. I also tend to isolate myself when I am on the downswing because I don't want anyone to see what I am like in a depressive state.

One of the best things that I have done was to start going to a DBSA support group. I don't know if the guidelines that they set are the same for every DBSA support group, but I feel that it is a safe place to share. I can talk without interruption and people suggest what's worked for them instead of throwing out the suggestions that you would typically hear from someone who doesn't really understand depression. I think that as I keep going to group, that it will help me not only wiht my bipolar, but my social anxiety.

That's what worked for me. Take care.

[francisR]

hi LeeTheBee

There is a tendency to isolate from people with depression. I have done that a lot. Also. I gather that you are from the UK. There is there there MIND the organization for the mentally ill and you can join that as they do have depression groups for men. This will allow you to make new friends. And there would be females in the MIND centers also. They do also give free counseling for depressed people. Traveling to the town nearest to you that has a mind center would be best. Also, there may be depression support groups in your area.

Also there is Alcoholics Anonymous which a lot of depressed people with no alcohol problem. Join because they like the 12 step program and to meet others.

Are you in therapy? That will give you the coping skills to deal effectively with depression. I do use acceptance and commitment therapy. This is based on the research, which says that, trying to get rid of symptoms simply makes them worse. Whereas accepting them is best. What that involves is saying to yourself that you are. for example experiencing depression and then watching that feeling disappear from your mind keeping doing that till the symptoms stop. Which thry will. At the same time you keep getting on with the business of the day.

Structuring your time to fill it with activities. When you are home alone would keep the mind busy and away from depression.
I do feel that having a consuming purpose in life such as a charitable cause, or indeed reconnection with something that fired you up in earlier times would give purpose and meaning to life and allow you to make a difference. Even having the medication looked at if necessary, would help. By the way I do live in Northern Ireland part of the UK. And the website is indeed US-based. Take care. I hope and pray your weekend will be really good. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

Hi Lee. Much of what you wrote seems familiar to me. I'm more in the situation, though, where I'm mostly okay with being alone but I know it's not good for my depression.

I have looked at Meetup groups as a way of trying to find people to spend time with. I have also run into issues with cost and transportation.

You can start your own Meetup group if you want to. (I haven't done it.)

My experience with relationships and depression is that it's usually better to work on making new acquaintances/platonic friends and get that in some kind of order before trying a romantic relationship.

I have also been working the past few months on trying to get a healthy daily routine re-established after two years of really bad depression. The word "routine" gets a bad rap, but I find it helps my depression if I sleep, eat, shower, dress, and do other mundane things at regular times. This includes things like making the bed, washing the dishes, taking out the trash, doing laundry, showering, not wearing my pajamas all day, and checking the mail. I view it as part of a normal life to have these tasks established as a routine.

Yes, the Psych Central website is based in the US, but it has lots of participants from the UK. Welcome.

[LeeTheBee]

Unfortunately for me, I always have trouble sticking to routine and if I do stick to it for a while, it isn't long before it crumbles.

Unfortunately making a MeetUp group costs... monthly... As I found out to my disappointment the other day.

I quit my volunteering the other week but I think I'll go back on Tuesday. Had to have some time away as I was beginning to dislike it.

I do love someone and they loved me back but the circumstances wouldn't permit it. I was so happy a few months back but I didn't want to accept the reality that it wasn't going to happen. During those months I never felt tired, I was oozing confidence, I had so much energy, I could do task after task without being tired. When reality hit, I stuck it out for a while but eventually the composition in my mind changed and within a few weeks I was back to feeling like ****.

I don't fall easy and when I do, I do hard and I hate that it can't happen. The loneliness isn't bound to just wanting to be with someone, though it is a big part of it, I just want to meet real people and have someone I can call up and ask if they want to get a coffee or a beer.
When I'm out with family or in pub on my own I feel like a piece of the decor, largely ignored... or a ghost. Someone could pass through me and they wouldn't even feel a chill.

I reached out to my cousin who I'd not seen for 18+ years and got her a volunteering place where I volunteered. I kept badgering her to come in on days she didn't, to help motivate her but that didn't work and whenever I asked ife wanted to hang out or get a beer it was no every time, except for the one occasion where she asked me and I was busy... On her terms. I figured it would benefit us both because she has pretty bad Bipolar Disorder, but I could only help so much... In the end we both got a bit bitter towards each other and now we don't talk at all.

I don't like it when I help others but they aren't willing to return the favour. I guess can't help everyone.

I get to see family tomorrow (12th) for a meal, so should be nice, but afterwards I know I'm going to feel like crap when I get home.

I'm a nice guy, not too uggo but money drives the world and meeting people is so difficult these days even with these freaking apps and websites.

:@

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[francisR]

Hi, Lee

There is MIND and Rethink and indeed there may be a depression support group in your area. Volunteering is good. giving you the opportunity to meet other people.

I am sorry that the romantic relationship fell through. But please God you will find another one in the future. And that your cousin did not respond to the suggestion of volunteering. I do hope and pray that her condition will improve in the future.

If you plan to keep your mind occupied. doing things, especially enjoyable ones when you are on your own. it will help to take the mind away from the sadness. I hope and pray everything will improve for you soon. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[LeeTheBee]

Originally Posted by francisR

Hi, Lee

There is MIND and Rethink and indeed there may be a depression support group in your area. Volunteering is good. giving you the opportunity to meet other people.

I am sorry that the romantic relationship fell through. But please God you will find another one in the future. And that your cousin did not respond to the suggestion of volunteering. I do hope and pray that her condition will improve in the future.

If you plan to keep your mind occupied. doing things, especially enjoyable ones when you are on your own. it will help to take the mind away from the sadness. I hope and pray everything will improve for you soon. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

I've looked into MIND and ReThink. There are a few MIND places nearby so I could try but I know full well what will happen. On a good say I'll feel I don't need help, on a bad day I'll end up going there and I'll here the same hollow comforting words I've heard before. Im going to make another appointment on Monday and refuse to leave unless I'm set on some new tablets.

The relationship wasn't one, it was more of a... Bit of fun and a sense of feeling. Nothing fell through but that doesn't stop me from feeling like **** nearly every day, feelings of what could have been, etc and all that bollocks.

Tired of this crap.

I went out today with family. Typically when I came home I was mega depressed. A few fleeting thoughts of an insulin overdose, but I went to bed. The bad thing about depression is that even when super tired, it's impossible to sleep crap moods away every time... Just not possible.

Forever alone I guess. Might as well carry on doing what I've done for the last 10 years, sitting inside doing nothing. I want to help myself but it's impossible. Any opportunity takes forever to come about, and as I've already said, during that time depression can easily get at me countless times during that waiting period.

Money makes the world go round.

Speaking of which, I'm broke... Again.


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