[20oney]

I've been struggling my way through depression for the last 10 months or so. And by struggling, I mean suffering. It's ridiculous how bad this can feel.
When it came along, before it came along, my life was seemingly perfect. I had an amazing boyfriend, a job I loved, surrounded by family, living out of home. Everything was going great. I was, on top of the world. Nothing could bring me down. Or so I thought.
I'm not sure what has caused my depression. What triggered it. All I know, is all those things that once made my life fantastic, they now just bring me down.
I've been seeing a psychologist since the beginning of May on a weekly basis. I like her, she's kind and caring which is always helpful. But, it's proven to be a lot more difficult than I ever expected it to be. I've spent my life trying to hide all my emotions from everyone, so trying to talk to her, is crazy hard. The second last session that I had with her, I experienced a panic attack. But I didn't let it show. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced and I then spent the whole next session trying to tell her what happened. We spent the full hour just trying to get me to say it, but it never happened. I ended up emailing her..
I've been on an antidepressant for over 10 weeks now, as far as I'm concerned, it is doing NOTHING!!
I don't know what the point in this post was. I guess I'm just frustrated. Trying to find my way through this.. I donno. Nothing helps. I want so badly to be able to give up. Ugh. Anyway.

[lonely-and-sad]

There is no point staying on an antidepressant if it has not worked after so long. Which antidepressant and what dosage? Try another one if you used the last one at a suitable dosage. You don't need a reason to have depression and you can't just decided to not have it.

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[francisR]

Hi 20oney

I'm sorry that you are in such a difficult depression. But that you have a psychologist you like and find her helpful is very encouraging. Perhaps writing out how you feel and how bad things were on the computer and printing it out and handing it to her would work best for you.
Trying to hide or get rid of painful feelings. Research has revealed simply doesn't work because it makes them come back worse and stronger. What I do with these feelings of anxiety and depression is to say to myself, I am experiencing them and then I watch them as they go through my mind and disappear, and I keep doing this till they stop which they always to eventually and at the same time getting on with the business of the day. This is acceptance and commitment therapy a form of mindfulness and you could ask your psychologist about this because for me it has been a real lifesaver enabling me to get depression. Under control. Self-help literature on this should be available in the public library health section or purchasable from Amazon. There is also a book called self compassionate mindfulness, written by professor Kristin Neff. This is very good.

Many fellow sufferers have found a medication unhelpful. What they then do is go back to the Dr. and try another one until the one that works best for them is identified.
I was wondering whether depression support groups is something you would find helpful. If so, there is Nami the organization for the mentally ill who run peer to peer support groups and you can Google them phone them and find out what they have available in your area. There is also WRAP which is the wellness recovery action plan and you can Google that and most states run it. It enables everyone to formulate their own plan for keeping well.

Giving up is not the best thing to do recovery demands perseverance and determination. You have that because you keep going despite the obstacles. When things are not working. It is useful to ask yourself why so that you can make the appropriate adjustments. I really hope and pray everything gets better for you. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[vital]

Hi 20,

It's not going to hurt to expand your horizons beyond the usual "meds+therapy." There are lots of things that you can try for depression that are safe at least and often super-healthy for you anyway. You've got nothing to lose by trying these. You can find some here:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

Many are also finding these notes to be helpful:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

- vital

[Fizzyo]

Hi, it's often hard to get started with therapy learning to trust the psychologist. I like FrancesR's idea of writing stuff down and taking it in with you, it can help the psychologist to help you talk. Learning to show your feelings when you feel safe with her will give you skills to help make coping easier potentially.
I also agree that a medication review may be a good idea, you sometimes have to try a few to find one that suits, if it helps you feel a little better it will be easier to make the best of therapy. Hang on in there, recovery is possible and it does happen.

[spring2014]

Don't give up !!!!! ask your pdoc to put you on a different medication . you might be experiencing anxiety along with the depression as well . these two goes hand in hand .I have both anxiety and depression . you're not alone !!!!!!!









Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistaril 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia