[CyborgGirl001]

I do not think I will ever be released from it. The empty feeling, the frustration and the anguish. The rage and the shock...as well as the empty screams and the non-existent dreams. The feeling of never belonging not because of being shunned or shut out, but because of shutting myself out...knowing that all along I never wanted to be a part of this planet or world and that I don't want to settle for it or anything else. I envy the stars in the sky and their distance from this wretched place...how they shine brightly and seem situated so well within space. Sometimes I wish I could go there, of course without the silliness of a rickety rocket or even relying on anyone else for help.
Sometimes...

[francisR]

hi CyborgGirl001

I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. But perhaps if you got the Dr. to strengthen the medication for you. it would help. And also if you got a good therapist to help you with the feelings of anger and frustration things would be much better for you. There were times when I felt that depression would never improve. but it always did as please God it will for you. also. Just try to keep your mind busy doing things, especially enjoyable ones to take the focus away from feeling bad.
Trying to think of the good things in your life would help you to feel better.

If you had a consuming passion something that really attracted you such as a charitable cause, or something that fired you up in earlier times, it would give meaning and fulfillment to your life. I hope and pray you feel much better soon. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

I said thanks because you can write what I often feel myself. I do wish you can escape from the pain of this life and learn to overcome this depression. I battle with those thoughts often.
I'm sorry, because I know the feeling of being shut out. I also have to take things day by day or moment by moment. Sometimes I think this is not right to suggest, but I will. Listening to Eckhart Tolle on youtube has helped me to learn about acceptance and letting go, and the power of living in the present. If you search his name, and "pain body", you will get a list of his teachings. Best wishes

[CyborgGirl001]

Originally Posted by francisR

hi CyborgGirl001

I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. But perhaps if you got the Dr. to strengthen the medication for you. it would help. And also if you got a good therapist to help you with the feelings of anger and frustration things would be much better for you. There were times when I felt that depression would never improve. but it always did as please God it will for you. also. Just try to keep your mind busy doing things, especially enjoyable ones to take the focus away from feeling bad.
Trying to think of the good things in your life would help you to feel better.

If you had a consuming passion something that really attracted you such as a charitable cause, or something that fired you up in earlier times, it would give meaning and fulfillment to your life. I hope and pray you feel much better soon. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

Thank you. Unfortunately, I have been through therapists and medications and I am at that point in which I give up and I refuse to even go through the process because I know it will not fix me in the long run. I do not have any passion or anything that "fires me up". To be honest, I feel no purpose in this world nor do I want one. I do not think that anything is going to make me feel like I belong here or that I can even spend time that will even mean anything here...since I never felt that way to begin with. I do not even think I want anything out of life that others even want and that life itself could even have these things in this dimension.

[CyborgGirl001]

Originally Posted by disparaissant

I said thanks because you can write what I often feel myself. I do wish you can escape from the pain of this life and learn to overcome this depression. I battle with those thoughts often.
I'm sorry, because I know the feeling of being shut out. I also have to take things day by day or moment by moment. Sometimes I think this is not right to suggest, but I will. Listening to Eckhart Tolle on youtube has helped me to learn about acceptance and letting go, and the power of living in the present. If you search his name, and "pain body", you will get a list of his teachings. Best wishes

Thank you. I will look into that. In the meanwhile though, I do not think that I could even get anything out of even the present moment. I do not feel like anything can even move me or make sense to me. But I will try to see what this is about. I still feel like even if I let go I can never accept being born in a place that I never liked or understood.