[Nimitri]

I don't know if my depression is coming back or I'm just somatize parts of my anxiety and sadly, I told my loved ones and I think I annoyed them.

It started because I was feeling down and read the Snapp club and saw that many of the things it described could apply to me in that moment (lack of decision, doom thoughts, chronic stress, repetitive thoughts and feelings, recrimination) but maybe I'm fooling myself? I got deep Depression three years ago and have worked to be better.

I was fine already. I went to therapy (I think the last time was in May 2013), my visit with psychiatrist (a year ago) got my medicine that I have been taking since july 2012 and I have managed to lower it to one pill.20g per day, I have grounding techniques that I do everyday, I know what happens to me and I don't want to still need to therapy. It's too expensive for my mother and she, I think, is being hurt because it seems that every couple of months I fall down again and it's the same issues witht the same talk and it's exhasperating and I should be fine.

I should be fine now.

I'm healthy, ended my Bachelor, have a good life and support. Maybe is just my anxiety, but right now I feel sad and I can't be having another Depression, could I?

[Rohag]

Hello, Nimitri. Please pardon my questions and feel free to ignore them.

Originally Posted by Nimitri

it seems that every couple of months I fall down again

Is this a long-term pattern for you? Do your depressive symptoms become stronger every two months or so? Is it more depression or more anxiety, or are the two so mixed together you can't separate them?

Originally Posted by Nimitri

got my medicine that I have been taking since july 2012 and I have managed to lower it to one pill.20g per day

In my case, my pdoc has written my antianxiety medication prescription such that I can take a larger dose when I feel the need. (I rarely do.) Might your pdoc recommend taking a slightly larger dose of your current medication for a limited time? Of course, this is something you would have to clear with your pdoc.

Originally Posted by Nimitri

I'm healthy, ended my Bachelor, have a good life and support.

That's one of the horrible things about depression. Depression doesn't care you have no "reason" to be depressed.

[josephpawlin]

It happened to me, too- I was totally fine for mmm... 2-ish years and then it came back and hit me hard and it still hasn't gone away. I don't think you're falling again, it doesn't sound like it, but you should talk to somebody that isn't so close to you about it. A therapist or a doctor, maybe, or even pm me and we can talk about it. People close to you tend to not understand as well because they've seen your good days and they don't get it when you're having a bad day; they just won't see the sadness.
It'll get better!

[SCP-122]

Originally Posted by Nimitri

I don't know if my depression is coming back or I'm just somatize parts of my anxiety and sadly, I told my loved ones and I think I annoyed them.

It started because I was feeling down and read the Snapp club and saw that many of the things it described could apply to me in that moment (lack of decision, doom thoughts, chronic stress, repetitive thoughts and feelings, recrimination) but maybe I'm fooling myself? I got deep Depression three years ago and have worked to be better.

I was fine already. I went to therapy (I think the last time was in May 2013), my visit with psychiatrist (a year ago) got my medicine that I have been taking since july 2012 and I have managed to lower it to one pill.20g per day, I have grounding techniques that I do everyday, I know what happens to me and I don't want to still need to therapy. It's too expensive for my mother and she, I think, is being hurt because it seems that every couple of months I fall down again and it's the same issues witht the same talk and it's exhasperating and I should be fine.

I should be fine now.

I'm healthy, ended my Bachelor, have a good life and support. Maybe is just my anxiety, but right now I feel sad and I can't be having another Depression, could I?

It does sound a lot like anxiety but if you're worried or there's a significant negative change you should definitely tell someone. If have your own techniques that keep yougrounded you should be fine. Hang in there, man!

[roads]

Rohag's observation that depression doesn't care that you have no "reason" to be depressed is so important to remember and embrace. Depression simply is what it is, and whole within itself. It envelopes us and tries to convince us it's our fault, but it's no.

Having a therapist to pull it apart thread by thread until you can begin to see the holes in it. The depression is not you--it's just a negative fabric that wrapped itself around you.

Rohag's idea of asking about a temporary increase in your anti-anxiety meds is a good idea. My pdoc gives me a range of what I can take, and if I feel like it's not enough then I call and we talk about it on the phone or he gives me an appointment.

It sounds to me that whatever brings you down that you think hurts your mom needs to be explored. What are the same issues and same talk that are always involved? If your perception of yourself and your situation tells you you "should be fine" but you know in your gut that you're not, you will have a much better chance of sorting these things out with the help of a therapist or counselor . I don't know where you pare or whether your job includes insurance, but if it's been over a year since you spoke with a psychologist. You ought to be eligible for more sessions.

Please always keep in mind that depression isn't something you invite.it invades your life as an enemy would, and it wants to destroy you. Don't let it! The grounding you do is a great rool. But it may not be enough. Try very hard to check every possible means of getting some sessions with a psychologist/psychiatrist.

If you've not discussed this with your mom what she expects from you. Is it the cost of therapy or the very need or continuing therapy?

Hang on and keep posting here. You may be able to use your grounding technique to let you focus and find the real problem with your mom and her expectations.