[fosterthehuman]

since i'm bored and extremely down right now, i thought it would be interesting to here peoples' stories. talk about how you become depressed, or even what brought you come to this site and seek support. feel free to share, or even just talk about things in your life.

[o.kay]

Originally Posted by fosterthehuman

since i'm bored and extremely down right now, i thought it would be interesting to here peoples' stories. talk about how you become depressed, or even what brought you come to this site and seek support. feel free to share, or even just talk about things in your life.

I don't know when I became depressed. I can share when I realized it. Many years ago I attempted to quit smoking. My doctor wrote a script for zyban (wellbutrin). I took it and felt much more alive than I had in awhile. So I kept taking it. It was not until many years later that I decided to take a look at where this came from. I believe it stems from the abuse I suffered as a child. And that I have probably been depressed most of my life.

[Tauren]

Born that way, I think. Some of my earliest memories are of people asking why I looked so sad.

My sister and two of my mother's cousins are also diagnosed with depression, we think her father and sister had it but it was still a taboo subject in their lifetimes, and my great-grandfather was known to refuse to speak to anyone for months at a time.

[Bird Feeder]

Father passing away at 9 with three younger brothers. From that age I have always thought about death, depression wasn't far behind.

[StillIntending]

A lifetime of repressing sadness, only to eventually snap and realize that buried emotion will never really heal. Now there are 17 years of it that I don't know how to cope with, and that's led me into what I now think of as severe depression.

[Blues47]

If I could say the words I probably wouldn't be depressed. I came to this site to vent about how I feel, but why I feel that way? If I ever post it I'll be dead before you read it. But I probably won't post it.

[misslabarinth]

Not really a story, more or so just listing reasons.
All these things happened around the ages 7 -11

Adbandonment (age 7)
Sexual abuse (age 8-10)
Bullied (can't remember)
Consitantly Lied to, which gave me trust issues (still happening)
Locked in room without food (few weeks old)
Anxiety, which caused bullying, in which caused depression. (Born with anxiety)
Emotional abuse (can't remember which age.)
Can't remember much more at the time.
~
MissLabarinth

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[Sesiley]

"Anxiety causes depression, but a good word makes or glad".

Bible verse...

Just life. Ups and downs are normal except for a constant down.

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[JohnCrow]

I wish I knew

I often wonder what it would be like to go back and speak to the younger me, maybe warn him of what was to come and seek help earlier

But I know me, and my depression shaming (You're depressed? What are you talking about, toughen up. Do you want to grow up and be a fag? (quote from mother)), my inability to fit in anywhere ever it would be a waste of time

I would probably dislike the younger me even though we share some things to this day

1. Delusion that this will get better
2. That I, in any way, matter
3. My kindergarten teacher is pretty much my first solid 100% this is my memory type memory

It was the first week of kindergarten and we were given a test to see what we knew coming in. I knew how to read before I was 4 and assumed that everyone else would be able to. The kid next to me, my right, was filling in the answers and wrote 'kat' for the picture of a cat. I leaned over and explained it was spelled with a c. Mrs. Bingham grabbed my left arm and lifted me out of my seat and yelled at me "Don't ever help anybody ever again!"

I have forgotten the names of most of my teachers between kindergarten and grade five but hers remains

[JustTvTroping]

1. School bullying (mostly middle school)
2. Mom's reaction to her high blood pressure which made me question her love for me at first (middle school)
3. 1st epiphany about my life- feeling like I've only existed to be manipulated and used by other people (early middle school). If I wasn't someone's involuntary therapist, then I was the person to be persuaded into dressing a certain way, act a certain or to listen to music. Keep in mind that none of what I did or liked was even wrong or illegal (I'm a metalhead, a tomboy, I like wearing dark clothes, I'm not a fan of wearing dresses that aren't my style or just for any occasion, etc.).
4. 2nd epiphany about my life- due to growing up a military brat, I know what it's like to see how everything's so temporary (not being able to have friends for more than 4 years which made me end up acting cold at times). Sometimes, I don't even bother revealing all of my personality or show my true feelings because I feel that it's a waste of time.
5. Despite me only being 20, I feel like I've wasted too much time in life.
6. I don't feel like I'm ready for the real world. I have hobbies, but not enough knowledge to label all of them as skills. I look at my LinkedIn account and see how short and inadequate it is. While I'm currently working on this, I'm not sure on how much time I really have to balance both school and providing proof for what I can do (this is my final year).
7. Not having an easy time crying it out since crying supposedly makes people feel better due to it being a detoxifying process. I still express my emotions, but even composing songs to perfectly match them don't always work.
8. Trying to stay positive and plastering that fake smile on my face before leaving whatever place I lived in at the time. Staying neutral was what helps me the most. Just see what happens when you make a choice: No expectations or hopes to break.

[Slowbrains]

I remember the moment i noticed it like yesterday. I was going to groundfloor by elevator and looked in to a mirror on backwall and thought "I don't know this guy anymore". Those eyes staring at me were just weird... not mine. Just couple of cold and ignorant organs in middle of my face. I can't figure out any reason for it. It just happened. Maybe it was the time when my brain chemistry started to get f****d up...

[lonely-and-sad]

I was born with it as well; I have had depression as far back as I can remember and it runs in our family.

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[ElisaB]

IDK how I became depressed. I believe I was born with it and then my addiction to (or better yet, my stop abusing of) heroine, triggered the major issues going on to this day. My mother suffers from depression. However, I suffer from Biopolar disorder with episodes of major depression... which occur way too often, even on medication. After years of therapy, I'm still no closer in knowing what the trigger is to these episodes.
I don't think it helps that I can't remember much before I was 7 (I think I blocked those years out) or that there was sexual abuse when I was younger... but we're not going into that....

[spring2014]

Originally Posted by fosterthehuman

since i'm bored and extremely down right now, i thought it would be interesting to here peoples' stories. talk about how you become depressed, or even what brought you come to this site and seek support. feel free to share, or even just talk about things in your life.

hi foster,
I was diagnosed with depression in 1995 when I saw my old doctor for the first time . he put me on Serazone and ativan . I refused to take meds cuz I didn't need them . he said that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain . I went back on the meds again in 1998 after my grandmother died . it was back on Serazone and now Xanax for my depression . then I started going to counseling with my old theology teacher from high school who became an LPCC. I went to her for four years while I was the meds . then after four years w my therapist at that time she terminated me and her services for me . I went to this wannabe counselor at this clinic where my old psychiatrist was . these two didn't do dilly squat for me to help me manage my depression . my old therapist never showed me his treatment plans or we never agreed upon them . he never gave me coping skills to work on in between sessions and what to do when im in a crisis situation and who call when im in crisis or emotional distress . so I fired both the therapist and the psychiatrist and quit taking the meds cold turkey all together in 2007. Now with my therapist now who diagnosed me with anxiety and depression , my therapist and I are now been together for a year now . she and I agreed to work on my anxiety and depression now that im on the right meds and my psychiatrist is working with my therapist and I . im happy with my therapist and my psychiatrist . they both know what they are doing . my therapist is an experienced registered nurse as well as a counselor .









Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds : Cymbalta 90mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia

[RamblinClementine]

Mental illness runs in my family. My mom and brother are both schizophrenic. I grew up with my grandparents and they have both passed away, and my father also died at the end of April, so I've had a lot of loss in my life. Been sad up and down for years.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Absolutely nothing. I don't really have any reason or right to be depressed. I just am, and it wasn't lifelong. It kicked in around age 11 and has been on and off ever since, got worse as I got older and realized what a useless ****up I am, so I guess that counts as a reason...but I should be over that by now.

I've suffered from anxiety and atypical depression as long as I can remember. At the age of 5 or 6 I was aware I thought differently from my peers. I couldn't understand why they were happy when all I wanted to do was go to sleep and never want to wake up again.

There have been times that were worse than others - often when I was in toxic relationships.

I was hospitalized for most of this summer. The trigger? Seeing a black jeep with two kayaks on the roof. Yep. You see, that used to be me at a time I WAS very happy. I am unable to do the things I used to and seeing that jeep drive by turned me into a sniveling mess

[regretful]

I spent a large amount of time, following the near dissolution of my marriage, self-loathing about every decision that I made in my life. That, compounded with the stress of running a business that I really don't enjoy, plus some residual effects of a miscarriage that my wife suffered...the unresolved grief about the death of my father when he was, what I felt, way too young (just 60)...and on and on and on...I suppose, though, if I had to put it down to a couple of a factors, it would be leaving a career that I enjoyed to follow my wife into a business for purely financial reasons (had to pay off nearly 6 figures of student loans somehow, and civil service just wasn't going to cut it)...

But the more relevant question is how did I resolve it - though I'm not totally out of the woods yet, the depression has subsided to a large degree. After multiple trials of medication and one seven day hospitalization, I concluded that what I am doing in my life and with my life is all that I have. I revitalized my Faith, resolved to save my marriage, exercise more, drink less, and put to work all of the cognitive behavioral strategies that I can, daily.

I wish all of you well with your struggle against this horrific demon known as depression.

[i dont matter]

ALWAYS had it.

I can remember being around 5 years old and drawing what was in effect

Possible trigger:

a tombstone on my dresser; thinking that I would lift up the dresser and drop it on my head and kill myself.

I can be a positive thinking as anyone; then in a flash - be as dark as can be.

Call me nuts.

[Slowbrains]

Originally Posted by rcat

I was hospitalized for most of this summer. The trigger? Seeing a black jeep with two kayaks on the roof. Yep. You see, that used to be me at a time I WAS very happy. I am unable to do the things I used to and seeing that jeep drive by turned me into a sniveling mess

I miss my happy times too... I just keep believing they'll return if i just keep on trying...

[RessurectMe]

Weird...roof racks with kayaks are a trigger for me too. I used to live for paddling. Now it is a painful reminder of how happy I used to be, and how different I am now.

Originally Posted by rcat

I've suffered from anxiety and atypical depression as long as I can remember. At the age of 5 or 6 I was aware I thought differently from my peers. I couldn't understand why they were happy when all I wanted to do was go to sleep and never want to wake up again.

There have been times that were worse than others - often when I was in toxic relationships.

I was hospitalized for most of this summer. The trigger? Seeing a black jeep with two kayaks on the roof. Yep. You see, that used to be me at a time I WAS very happy. I am unable to do the things I used to and seeing that jeep drive by turned me into a sniveling mess

[JohnCrow]

Well, I was squeezed out of a vagina and joined the human race, already in progress

[TerriLynn]

I was physically and emotionally abused as a child, witnessed a lot of adults abusing each other, and my mother was an alcoholic. I was a pretty strong kid, I didnt have a choice, I had to be.
About 13 years ago, I was a single mom, had a pretty good life going, and I had a complete and total melt down one night, all of the pain came rushing in all in one night. I was suicidal, depressed, anxiety ridden. It was horrible. I fought hard and beat it. Or so I thought. Here I am today, on meds once again.