I used to come here daily, starting post after post relintlessly trying to find a meaning to my life, through others, and interact with people with problems too. Well this wasn't the first web site that I did that with, lately I slowed down, posting very little trying to sort out my thinking, to figure out whata details to add, not to add or if its even worth posting at all.

The love I've gotten since I first came is astounding, yet its never enough. My last post spoke of my last app. with my doc, he's leaving next month, and he basicly said I have to do this alone........

Since then everyday has been different, I smile, make people laugh. I've joined a club and have gotten out with otheers. While all this seems good...its not. I like to compare this to presidents, Lincoln,Washington, out of all the good things they did during there presidency if you dig deep they where also equally as bad.

I've always been different around ppl, I love to see them smile, sad thing is they arent laughing with me, but at me. I'll say sosmething like "man i better stop beforer I make a fool outta myself" their reply: "thats too late your beyond that", or somoething similar to that. Also the whole time I've been out with club meetings its constant dred.......

While all these thinsg are my fault, and my problems I can only wonder how others achieve this goal of "happiness" At the same time I know that its a struggle against time too. Its been 1 month since this club took affect,. But my personality around ppl has always been goofy, just recently have I noticed the bad things it brings to my head.

I watched a movie recently called 'Patch Adams" It was really inspritational to me, yet I could only think......will this be a battle to the end? For those who know the story line that may make sense.

Well to those who read......thanks.....

i'm much older than you and i've learned to "filter" what i say to others. it took some learning upon my part, but it's healthier, for me, to process it by myself.

i have a photography show this month and i'm in a total dither about it. what is hard about hanging 15 photographs and meeting people for one hour and then seeing the play that follows? i don't know. but it's testing me....

hang in there......xoxox pat

[bipolar_bear]

Social situations can be so hard. I wish I had some suggestions but wanted you to know I care and was listening. Please take care of yourself and see yourself for what you really are; a kind caring person. That is what really matters.

BB

Moonkin, just wanted you to know I was reading. I can't offer you any sage advice.

People are not my strong point. I know I really have to push myself to even do simple things like go to the grocery store.

I think there is a sign around my neck that says
"Doesn't play well with others."

I hope things get better for you. Please keep posting.

[meander]

Moonkin,

Is it possible your friends are joking with you when they say "it's too late for that"? It could just be innocent joking around, my friends are of the sarcastic mode so we say stuff like that to each other a lot. Not sure if it would be the same for you....?

Hope things get better, anyway.

-Meander

Just wanted to say thanks guys/gals......just seeing your alls reply makes a huge difference!!!!!

Meander you may be right it could be sarcasm...

[Wants2Fly]

((((((((((((Moonkin))))))))))))))))

Moonkin, you made a promise to yourself that you were going to turn this thing around -- and just look at the progress you have made. You joined a club, you are getting out.

Inside, you may feel the same, but outside you have made progress.

Everytime the nasty committee in your head tells you are living in a dream, nothing helps, nothing seems real -- tell them to shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up.

And replace these distorted messages with what you know it true -- you are different, you are working hard to pull yourself up millimeter by millimeter, YOU ARE REAL and the negativity is false.

I am praying and pulling for you.