Wish I could just quit but I can't

After seeing my T today I just want to give up. It was not a bad session. We talked about important stuff, and we're still going strong when time was up...which is part of the problem I think. Lately, I feel like we are in the middle of something deep and time is up and I leave feeling heavy and defeated. I know I can't....but I want to give up and let the depression win. I just want to hide under my covers and cry myself to sleep. But I can't cry. And I can't sleep. my stomach is in constant knots from anxiety and the harder I fight the depression the worse I feel. Everyday it gets more difficult to hide this from my kids and coworkers...well just the coworkers, I don't think I am hiding anything from my kids.

Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to give up and let the depression win, but it's not. It is worth fighting your way out of the depression. If not for yourself for your kids. Depression takes such good things from us. Fun, memories, and joy.

I fight it everyday. It's not easy and some days I lose but I start over again the next day.

Sending hugs to you.

Quitting seems easy, but it makes everything more complicated. It's not a bad sign that you feel like your sessions are ending in the middle of something. That shows you're doing good work.

My kids are the only thing that keep me going. If not for them I would definitely let the depression win. Sometimes I feel like fighting against the depression is what increases the anxiety. I am scared of my anxiety which of course just makes it worse. Fun and joy seem so far out of my emotional vocabulary right now that I can't even dream of having that again. I am working really hard to break through my walls, but I just can't get passed the fact that it is going so slow. I know it is for a reason and I have expressed this to my T and he just smiles and says we will pick up here next week. Sigh....

I know that it's hard. I'm fighting depression and anxiety myself. I can't remember the last time I really felt joy but I know if I let it win things will get worse. I know because I've been there.

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Yes. It can be very hard to keep going. For me all of this crap has been going on since I was a teenager, and I'm turning 55 next Monday. So hard to understand why I have had to travel this road in the first place.