[passionfruit3]

I was in the car and the thought occured to me i don't want to live if my parents or siblings die.my therapist has this sign on her board she always refers to worry is a down payment on a problem you may never have.but realistically it will happen some day and as time goes by it may happen sooner than later. Most of you have lost someone so you get through it. I haven't and id rather not live than get through it. I thought of taking myself out of the picture before anyone died that way it would be fairer to them but i got to find a way to lose all hope im desperate for answers otherwise ill just keep saving myself everytime i suicide and thats no good

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[Rohag]

Have you and your therapist carefully probed your fear of your parents or siblings dying? Is the thought of even investigating the fear too much for you?

[passionfruit3]

She just says not to focus on it and sometimes i do a good job of that but when i do think about it i feel bad for letting myself not think about it and be happy cause what if i was happy and they died suddenly and i didn't know id feel guilty that those last moments weren't focused entirely on them.i just picture myself having a psychotic break i don't want to but im not stable as it is and i don't know when i will be and if i were to get stable that death would bring me back to square one so what is the point of progressing what is the point of being alive

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[littleowl2006]

You must love your family very much, do you have a good relationship with them? I think being afraid of losing people we love is quite normal. I think that your own personal independence is as important as having emotional connections with others. Losing people hurts, but it is part of life, and a life without love would be the worst

[Fuzzybear]