[Wissenschaft]

Hello everyone and thank you for taking your time by reading my post.
I have posted about my depression twice already and you have always been very responsive and friendly to me, so the only thing I can say about that is: "thank you."
Well...I don't know what's going on with me. I don't know happiness anymore. The last time I was happy was little more than a year ago. I am sad nearly every moment of my life and suicide is all that I think about. Every day, every moment...but I don't understand how can I be so sad??? I have a loving family, a house and I am well fed...like an ordinary inhabitant. There are children starving and dying all over the world...and they want to live. But I am here, materially taken care of...but I can't live and I absolutely despise myself for thinking of suicide. I just can't think of anything else...every day I wake up sad, I have no joy in anything, I feel like I just want to lie down and listen to sad music all the day, then go to sleep. That's all. I have anger outbreaks every minute and I feel angry towards many, for no reason. I don't know what's going on...my entire mind wants to die and I feel so tired...and empty...and worthless. Please, could somebody help me? I don't know how much longer I will keep on going but there is one thing that is keeping me...my family...I can't imagine what kind of horror I would cause to them by killing myself...so please, please could someone just give me an advice? Or talk to me? Thank you very very much...

[lima01]

I would say you need some help with this . See your doctor and get some depression meds . Tell them exactly what started your decline . Trauma , self image esteem social problems . All this should be told to a therapist don't go it alone . If you can
get some good sleep and relief from meds in a couple of weeks.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Wissenschaft

...so please, please could someone just give me an advice? Or talk to me? Thank you very very much...

Hi Wissenschaft,

PM me anytime if you want to talk, but here's a couple of things.

If you haven't already, see your M.D. and check for the many possible physical or nutritional things that could be affecting your mood. See

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

If any of these things are affecting you, taking care of them is surely the best first step.

But second, it made a huge difference for me to actually understand what was going on and understand where those feelings of sadness and anger come from. See if this makes sense to you

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB/BA.pdf

- vital

[Wissenschaft]

Thank you all for answers.

[emijec]

hi, are you taking anything or talking to anyone? I can't imagine how you must feel and how stressed out your body is carrying that with you. do you have any days where you are ok? and if so what makes the day ok for you? is that something you can hang on to? is it your situational life that makes you unhappy? sometimes people let go and just leave , it's better than the bad end that tempts you. you can always message me too . u have a lot of people that you can talk to here .

[Wissenschaft]

There is not much to hang on...because I feel like I don't really deserve to exist. Every time I try to talk I just feel like this: "you're not even real, you're just seeking attention." That's why I want to erase myself out of everyone's memory. Otherwise I do have some very short happy moments, but they are just illusions that dissappear sooner or later.
Thank you for your answer, though.

Dear Wissenschaft,

Hello, I just saw your posts for the first time. Please don't believe your mind when it tells you that you should not continue living. One thing that happens when depression gets as severe as yours is that your brain lies to you. It cannot be trusted to give you the right advice for your life right now.

If you have any way to see a doctor and to get medication for your depression, please do. If that's not possible, nutritional supplements like SAM-e can help sometimes. With no medication, depression will often get better on its own, but it can take many months and the suffering is miserable while it goes on. Also, of course, it's risky because of the suicidal thoughts.

I send you my concern and good will.

[Wissenschaft]

Thank you for your answer...well I am not really sure about going to the doctor...I don't want to "reveal" myself to anyone, because I really have a feeling that I don't want to keep going. But I'll try.

[littleowl2006]

Please get some help, even if your depression tells you it makes no sense. There is hope for you and you are not alone in this. There is nothing wrong with you and you are not an attention seeker, but please do what is best for you and seek support from a therapist or doctor.
Feeling guilty for being depressed because others have it worse only makes you feel worse. Depression is not a fault, it is a desease and it can be healed or at least helped.
Even if you don't think you have the energy, continue doing one step at a time. Don't give up.
Lots of hugs

[Fuzzybear]