My Son or My Husband

My son has told me that its either him or my husband. My husband is and has been an abusive selfish ***. But I cant divorce him. Or I dont want to. I dont know. Divorce was never a concept I considered part of my life. My mother divoree my dad when I was avbaby because he was a psycho drug addict. That made sense. Other than that,cdivorce has always been sonething other people would do. Plus I dont want to be divorced. I want my husband to be a decent person, a good husband and father. Even though I dont see him changing, why should I have to break my vow and give up what I committed to? My son says he wont come home from school if I dont divorce his dad. He says hes sick of the drama, even if its from the past and things my husband wont deal with. But I cant leave and any time I try to explain to my husband what our son says, he just gets mad and passive aggressive or leaves and spends the night at a motel to like punish me for telling him. He says he wants to know what colin says but he always ends up ticked off and making me pay. But my son is at school and now doesnt want to come home for Christmas or for anything. His sister, my older daughter is also graduating in December and he doesnt want to come home even for that if I wont agree to get divorced.

I can understand your son wanting you to be away from your abusive husband. I don't know how I feel about how he's handling it but I can understand his motivation. I hope things settle down for you

Well, as a woman who divorced a husband who was abusive.... I have several thoughts.

Our jobs as parents is to protect our children. If you are putting your children in a situation where they are not safe, you need to consider what damage is being done to them psychologically. Are they going to end up dealing with anxiety, depression, on meds, and on these boards because their mother allowed them to be in an abusive and unhealthy home?

You shouldn't have to put up with an abusive husband either! This isn't health for you either.

I also don't think you should tell your husband the things that your son says because all you are doing then is creating more animosity between the two.

I don't blame your son in the least for feeling the way he does.

I hope you get the help you need to live in a healthy and safe relationship.

I don't blame your son at all. I don't understand why you choose to be with this selfish man. Kids come first.

Generally giving people ultimatums is a bad idea but your son is a kid and is trying to look out for himself the only way he can think of.

You're consciously, intentionally choosing an abusive, selfish man over your own children. Look, when you made the decision to have kids, you made the decision to put them first. That's your JOB. Be a grown-up.