[therealme]

must try to keep to doc johns rules about suicidal posts, but its hard when all i think about is this.
thought i had friends in the real world, but i have found i have only my family..
it got bad lastnight, halloween is my fav time of year, i get to dress up with real masks and dont have to use a mask to hide my pain. but lastnight was long and quiet, noone knocked the door.
my mood was low before this but now feeling very low and alone.
( i want to follow doc's rules )...........
ggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sorry i had to ggrrrr
not in the best place right now

[Mountainbard]

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((( Dec )))))))))))

I understand . PM me any time dear friend

Halloween was horrible this year. It too used to be my favourite day of the year. I lost my mother on Halloween some years back which just ruined the day for me. My mother was the cause for so much of the hardship in my life. Tho yes I miss her I resent that she took this day away from me too. But this year was even worse. It wrapped up a month of other significant losses. My daughter seems no longer to be in my life, I received a horrible goodbye letter for someone who had been so important in my life, and was generally a pretty tough reminder of all I have lost in my ****** life.

How dare the world take this from me!

To add fuel to the fire now the holiday specials have started where everything is so cheery and the girl always gets the guy.

I would never ultimately harm myself but I have resumed the practise of scratching myself last night.

[TishaBuv]

Holidays are hard because there are expectations that only bring disappointment. TV and movies rub salt in the wound. Be strong, don't hurt yourself. Do something to make yourself feel good.

[lima01]

I like to think about my parents even tho they are both gone . They would like to be remembered for the good they did do . I would like to celebrate them , they were not perfect and i don't expect that . We should only miss them not mourn forever . I like to think they are watching me some and I do speak out loud to them at times .
I am sorry I could not have more time to be with them . There are no do overs .
Good luck on your journey .

[vital]

Thanksgiving is coming.

- vital

[therealme]

went to see my pdoc today, and he was asking me these questions about how it feels to be low........(well to me i feel like the world is on my shoulders and dont want to do anything , even getting out of bed is hard )
do i still hear voices .........(yes i still hear them, they wish me harm).
do i have nightmares ...............(yes i have nightmare but i dont remember then, i only know i have them because my wife tells me i scream out at night and i fight things that arent there).
do i have flashbacks..........(yes i have flashbacks about things that happened in the past).
do you avoid anything that scares you or you see in your flashbacks ............(yes , i avoid my bike , of all things, as when i was first ill i used to ride my bike all the time ).
the long and short of it all he said he feels some ptsd treatment would help me, but now im confused has my depression turned into ptsd or is ptsd a new thing to worry about.

[Rose76]

You can have both - the depression and the PTSD. One doesn't turn into the other. But both could have a common cause, or causes.

[vital]

Originally Posted by therealme

went to see my pdoc today, and he was asking me these questions about how it feels to be low........(well to me i feel like the world is on my shoulders and dont want to do anything , even getting out of bed is hard )
do i still hear voices .........(yes i still hear them, they wish me harm).
do i have nightmares ...............(yes i have nightmare but i dont remember then, i only know i have them because my wife tells me i scream out at night and i fight things that arent there).
do i have flashbacks..........(yes i have flashbacks about things that happened in the past).
do you avoid anything that scares you or you see in your flashbacks ............(yes , i avoid my bike , of all things, as when i was first ill i used to ride my bike all the time ).
the long and short of it all he said he feels some ptsd treatment would help me, but now im confused has my depression turned into ptsd or is ptsd a new thing to worry about.

Hi therealme. You might be interested in a book "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. It's about PTSD, why you have flashbacks, what you might be able to do about it, etc. Personally I suspect that PTSD and depression are very closely related and I suspect that you basically have one problem, not two.

- vital

[Tauren]

You can definitely have both. People with depression are more susceptible to PTSD.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by Tauren

You can definitely have both. People with depression are more susceptible to PTSD.

and vice versa.

Here's a related article: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/t...ssion-overview

and another: http://ptsd.about.com/od/relatedcond...essionPTSD.htm

"PTSD and depression may be connected in a number of ways. First, people with depression have been found to be more likely to have traumatic experiences than people without depression, which, in turn, may increase the likelihood that PTSD develops."