[jacq10]

Simple as that.

Some days i think i'm okay with not being close with my family. Some days i actually love being away from them. But its one nights like this that i get thinking, and i get the notion in my head that i would love for someone to just come and sit and talk with me. Just talk about how i'm feeling, how their feeling ... just talk about something meaningful. Share that simple passing of information, share that knowledge that they care about each other.

I want that. I want to know i'm cared for. I mean i guess i know i have people that care about me ... but i feel as though they only do because they "have to". And even if it was true, i have a hard time believing it ... or feeling it i guess would describe it better. I guess that fits it more accurately. I dont feel it. I dont feel any sort of connection with them. They are acquaintences. People that i call out of obligation so i'm not a horrible daughter.

I want to feel the love that i felt with my housemaster. We shared something. It was the first true sense of love that i can say that i experienced both ways. Saw in her eyes .. felt in my heart. But now its empty and she's not there, and neither are my real parents.

Im just alone. In every sense of the word. I feel sick.

I am lucky to have the best friend in the world who cares about me ... but she's gone for two weeks and i actually am by myself. For the first time.

STOP CRYING. I can't. The sad thing is, i can't picture things ever being right with my family. And its my fault. I dont feel a connection, and when i think about the possibility i feel so very uncomfortable. Its just the idea that i need ... i need what i had with my housemaster. I need that love that is missing. That love that makes me feel real. Without it ... im just empty.






I'm sorry. I haven't even been around much, i dont deserve any responses. I'm sorry for the rant.

[adele96]

i know how you feel. i have very little connection with anybody. i wish i did, but i never have. i too wish for a real feeling of love and connection. so do many many others. in that sense, you are not a lone.

((((((hug))))))

[lenjan]

(((((jacq)))))) we all need to feel loved. I'm sorry it's so hard with your family. At least you have your PC family, if that helps.

[Direction]

You are not alone in how you feel...I can't find the words to say...just wanted you to no you are not alone in wanting to "Just talk about how i'm feeling, how their feeling ... just talk about something"

[Christina86]

((((((((Jacq))))))))))))

My wonderful, thoughtful and lovely friend... I know it's not the same... but I love you, you've been such a wonderfully kind peron to me.

You're grieving for the loss of the relationship you had with your housemaster. It hurts like hell, but it's normal.

As for your relationship with your parents... me too, me too.

And you always deserve responses, love and attention simply because you are A) human B) a friend C) wonderful and completely loveable. (Or all of the above. )

It is NOT your fault for the relationship with your parents, any more than it is mine with my own. Sometimes parents can fail with the showing of affection thing, and so much more at the same time.

Get in contact with me later okay? Otherwise I might track you down myself. I'm worried about my friend.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( jacq ))))))))))))))))))

[Wants2Fly]

I understand these feelings. Please accept my virtual hugs and praying that you will find the love you need in physical life.

[jacq10]

You guys are too much .... I really don't think I deserve any of those kind things anyone has said, but thank you so much for your support.

I know that i've made a couple posts lately regarding the same subject matter ... its just that its so hard for me not to. Some times i really do feel like i've moved past it ... but most of the time, it just sneaks up on me and doesn't leave me alone.

I can't tell you all how much it does mean for your support ... to know that i'm not alone, even though it feels as though everyone important in my life has turned their backs on me.

You all are truly wonderful people, and i'm sorry for those of you that are also hurting because of similar circumstances.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Everyone)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[bebu]

Of course you deserve them!!! In my case, I'm the exact opposite, I push people away, don't what them to know how I feel (or don't) friends and family have tried to reach out and I just "act happy" and try to avoid them.

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((((((bebu))))))))))))))) I think my "acting happy" is a major contributor to how this problem started. I know what you mean ...

jacq--

I understand and I hear you. I know how you feel. I hope you can feel everyone here onPC sending out their support and love to you. I understand not feeling love and if it was there would I even be able to know? Sending you a virtual hug.

purplesecrets

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Purplesecrets)))))))))))))))))
Thank you.

[meander]

(((((jacq))))))

hope you feel better, I understand what you feel like and it sucks!

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((((meander))))))))))))))))

((((((((((Jacq)))))))))))))
They don't love you because they HAVE to love you-they can't help BUT to love you! Maybe they just have a hard time showing it sometimes? Try to cut yourself some slack. You ARE lovable! We love you!!!!!!!
You can sit and "talk" to us when you don't have anyone there with you in your home to talk to.
We can go to places-like the park
We can listen to some tunes
We can eat
We can be silly
Or we can cry on each other's shoulder
And we can hug each other

Okay? I know it's not like it would be if we were all there with you. But that may be a little scary anyway. All of there in your home, eating your food, going through your cds and doing head spins on your floor.


I hope your wave of lonliness doesn't make you feel like you aren't worthy of being loved because you are worthy.

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Pickle))))))))))))))))))))))))
tehe thank you so much for that smile! and thank you so much for your positive spin, very much needed.



And i would very much love to have a party and do all those fun things! (minus the head spinning ... i image that would get quite tiring ... and dangerous for that matter!) LOL

[meander]

the head spinning sounds kind of fun actually, can we?? lol

(((jacq)))

[Direction]

You are definately loved here...

[jacq10]

All who's up for head spinning say "I"!

[Direction]

I