Those who are in remission: missing your depression?

The current medicine combination that I am on has definitely decreased my depressed moods, but not so much my anxiety. Anxiety is my main complaint when it comes to my mental health.

Here's the thing... I am finding myself "missing" the depressed moods. After much questioning, I have wondered why I would even miss the states that I have previously been in. [Possible triggers] I have been close to ending my life. I have even had my depression manifest in the form of extreme, albeit superficial, self-harm. [/possible triggers]

Why would I be missing my depressed self if I am feeling better? Has this ever occurred to anybody else who is in so-called remission?

I'm experiencing this too. The current meds I'm on have decreased my depression and thoughts about sui. It's not that I'm better, but I'm not feeling as bad anymore. And I'm missing it sometimes. I feel like I want to feel bad again.
I've talked to my T about missing those bad moods. It might be because I've had those bad feelings and thoughts for so long, it's safer than these feelings I've now. The depressive feelings are familair to me, feeling ''ok'' is sort of new to me. I've not always been depressed, but I can't remember how feeling good feels.
And also because I sort of think that I should feel depressed. That I'm not allowed to feel ok, to be oke.

When I read back in my diary from when I felt really low, I want to feel that again. But during those times I felt so bad, all I want is to not feel so bad. I still think it's a bit weird that I'm missing my major depression.

Not the least little bit But I think I may understand. Maybe as Chummy alluded to, there is as strange as it may sound, a certain safeness. Not as much is expected of you or by you. Or that may not be it at all. All I can say for sure is that I don't miss it. There may be a seductive sweetness and allure in nostalgia or melancholy. Not in depression.

I definitely don't miss it, but I've recognized I developed some habits of depression during my recent long episode, and it's proving to be pretty tough to break those habits.

Thanks for this interesting question. I have a long history of depression + anxiety, but depression is my main complaint.

When my depression started getting better after a meds change last spring, the improvement in anxiety lagged somewhat. That led to some uncomfortable times until the anxiety also settled down after about two more months.

It did feel a little scary at first because I had been depressed pretty much non-stop for 2-3 years. Realizing that I was able to attempt things that I had been unsuccessful at doing for a long time made me feel a weird combination of excitement and anxiety.

I can't say that I ever missed feeling depressed. I had a good therapist at that time who helped me to move more towards the "excitement" about being able to do things again rather than feeling the anxiety.

If you have a good meds prescriber, I'd suggest talking to him/her about where you are now and ask their opinion about whether your anxiety is going to get better on your current meds or if they need to be adjusted.

I think maybe the fact that anxiety is your primary problem may cause you to have a different experience than I did, since depression is my main problem.

Even though depression is harming, it is what's familiar. You miss not the depression but the safety zone it puts up. It is a barrier often for a secret strength until one works out what they need to. It is a defense mechanism. Change takes away our familiarity and we have to create a new routine for ourselves. That can be scary but yet rewarding. You stretch yourself to rise to new challenges. Once you have done this a few times, you no longer will miss that old comfort zone which really is a dead end so to speak. tc

Since I became depressed in late January of this year, I have never been truly in remission. The closest thing to remission I have experienced was a two week period in which I was free from self-harm urges and suicidal thoughts. But even in that tiny window of time, I began to miss my depression. I began to feel guilty for not being depressed. I told myself that my depression must have all been fake and imaginary to begin with. No doubt this played a part in my downward spiral only about two weeks later.
So yes, I think that's fairly normal. It just sucks. A lot. Depression generally does.

I think I feel like this too. Not feeling those extremes feels sort of boring and bland, yet at the same time being low for so long was not what I wanted either ��