Thinking

I find myself thinking and not aware of the lapse of time that goes by. I have been through too much and it seems to be weighing me down. I need a break but there doesn't seem to be anything. I have to make everything happen for me cause otherwise nothing will. It is such a drain. Yet i feel detached and a great sense of peace in the middle of all of it. Like nothing really matters anymore. People, their problems, their voices, nothing. It just drowns right out to a quiet white noise in my ears. I feel like the philosopher's stone lately. And that is where i am at. There are days i want to be here, there are other days i don't want to be anywhere at all. I just want to be incognito and not be found. I like my quiet, my thoughts guard it, it is my sanctuary.

Me too, I'm like that. I find myself missing time jumping into the future a lot. I wish I had that sanctuary peace thing that you have, you are so lucky. There are hundreds and hundreds of others in here and the chatter never quits. It wakes me up in the early morning or late night. For me peace is a set of headphones blaring and working with my hands focused on the task at hand.

I too have been through so much and I keep getting the curveballs thrown at me too. IT IS draining to have to be pro-active on everything: I HAVE to be the one to call someone to follow up, to be the one to attempt to repair a relationship, to be the one to tell the manager the garage gate is broken, etc. Why is it ME all the time?

Like you sometimes I don't want to be found. And I don't get enough peace and quiet; I too love it but this is a noisy city.

Only break I got from the universe in a decade is getting a new neighbor who thankfully is as quiet as the previous one. I could have gotten ANYBODY, but I got lucky with her.

Otherwise, it's like reliving the same year over and over. More loss, more disappointment, more change I don't want, etc. It's like the movie Groundhog Day except this isn't funny.

I'm like that too, tbh. Can be so completely content just sitting and thinking of everything and nothing. Only thing is, it causes me to be incredibly inconsiderate people, as it's difficult for me to see outside my own world. I hurt my family and friends constantly because I can't seem to think about others. It feels like **** and tempts me to dark places. I Wish I Didn't find so much Solitude in my world cuz it ****s up the real one