[murmy]

I have been depressed for a long time and my therapist seems to be telling me I may never again "not be depressed" and it just may be a way of life for me. Does anyone else have this problem where they have to live with chronic depression? I have not been able to work in 10 years now.

[Direction]

First Welcome to PC...

Glad you were able to post...I think the answer it varies for everyone...I think everyone's goal is to get out of the dark clouds.

A little concerned your T indicating what you describe...has it been a topic of large concern for you?

[tranquility]

Great question - one I have asked myself!!

I actually asked this of Doc John on a weekly chat. I believe he said something to the effect of - everyone is different but there are times when people will have issues throughout the years.

I have been in therapy for 16 years steady (I had also been in therapy for a year when I was 16 and overdosed, that was 26 years ago).

I think I will always have a degree of depression, my nature is to have these hills and valleys when things arise. I tend to be depressed for quite some time and then I start to break out of it. When I'm not "in the thick of it" I know that all things pass, sometimes I need to be reminded when it is at it's worse.

I recently as my T a similar question "Is it ALWAYS going to be like this? Am I ALWAYS going to struggle". She said she has seen me like this before and that I do come out of it, that I am not ALWAYS like this. I tend to make it worse when I'm not in a good spot. But, she was right - this too shall pass.

I try not to dwell on what tomorrow will be - I have enough on my plate to deal with today!

Tranquility

[murmy]

Hi Direction,
Thanks for your reply. My getting better (or not) is a huge topic for me. I get disability payments and I am always made to feel as if I am somehow "faking" by my insurance company. They are very hard on me and I have to jump through hoops to continue getting the payments. So I question my lack of improvement a lot.

[Direction]

If it helps at all - you have to jump through hoops for any kind of disability or aid - so don't think they are just doing it to you...from this web site and my background in property management hoops are always going to be there...

Do everything in your power to get better...then you will never feel like your faking anything...

Yes there are days you will feel like the only thing you do is use the bathroom, there will be days you can go out an laugh and play...doesn't mean your faking it (I always assume people are being honest with me unless there is reason not to believe that by their actions).

So your an honest person...go through the hoops required...and let the guilt go...

[jefftele]

i share a similar dilemma re insurance ,--if i was better then my money would stop, i'd facing the stress of finding work,assuming i'd even get one with my poor health record ,employers have a longer memory than i do. i'd be faced with being virtually unemployable with not a lot of money. it is societies crime not ours.if i was well i'd be working -simple as that . i wouldn't put myself through the indignity of medical reviews ,the sign of a civilised society is how it treats its disadvantaged nuff said

[murmy]

Jefftele:
I can't believe we are in the same boat! It makes me feel so much better to know I am not alone in this. Thank you!

[sassypants]

Hi! It is amazing that your story sounds a little like mine.
I have been seeing a Pc doctor for over 5 years, been on
about 15 different med's. Nothing has worked. I just applied
for SSD insurance, I hope I get it. I am so tired of feeling
this way.I also wonder if I will ever get better.
Good luck, & take care.

[murmy]

I applied for SSD insurance several times. My private insurance makes me reapply occasionally. The SSD people are brutal. I hope you get it, I am waiting on an appeal but not holding out for much luck.

[ally88]

That is horrible for me to hear. Lets hope that you do not have to deal with this the rest of your life. but, i have been depressed for a while too. nowhere near as long..but i have been a little depressed for over a year and severely depressed for 6 months now. Lets just hope that one day, we can find a way to pull ourselves out of this deep whole.

[wickedwings]

i've been on ssd before, and it discontinued when i got married. it sucks when my own bills put a drain on my hubby, but i'm grateful to have him in my life because we have a really good relationship. yeah, i know the hoops all too well. yes, people can be brutal about your disabilities and make you do things to prove that you're not faking them. it's ridiculous. i have not able to work for many years. i have chronic major depression myself, so even when it was managed well, i still have residual effects that medications cannot control. i've learned to live with them, and of course, did everything i could to get better with everything that i could get better with. anyway, you guys are not alone. not only do i have a mental disorder that began when i was 20, i a also have been deaf and half-blind all of my life. yeah, the people don't make the hoops any easier for me. honest. i know how hard this is. you do have a right to get the help that you need in any way and not have to go through so much crap to get it. sometimes, you have to fight hard when you can. when you can't, just go with the flow as best as you can. i know there are days that all you can do is to go to the bathroom. i have those days plenty myself for a long time. i hope things get better and go well for you.