[guiltier65]

yesterday, I made poor choices. I chose to drink when I got home from work. (used my last bit of money to buy beer). Then I almost mixed Xanex with the alcohol. Instead I went to a nurse forum on Facebook and asked for prayers for thoughts of self harm. I was overwhelmed by their response. However, they contacted my kids, and the sheriff's dept. I almost feel bad for scaring everyone, but I myself was frightened. However in the light of day, I find myself questioning if it was just typical Borderline behavior. Screaming for attention, when asking would do. I just don't know. Hopefully, haven't messed things up completely with my family and friends.

[DechanDawa]

wow aren't you the person with compassion fatigue?

[FireIsland123]

The first thing you need to address is the possibility of mixing Xanax and alcohol. You need to figure out how you are going to stop that from possibly happening. I might ask others to help with that. Mixing the two could put you in very dangerous situation. We all want you to get better, so please think about this.

[guiltier65]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

wow aren't you the person with compassion fatigue?

Yes, you have a good memory. even the sheriff's deputies told me it was ok to care for myself.

[guiltier65]

Originally Posted by FireIsland123

The first thing you need to address is the possibility of mixing Xanax and alcohol. You need to figure out how you are going to stop that from possibly happening. I might ask others to help with that. Mixing the two could put you in very dangerous situation. We all want you to get better, so please think about this.

I have gotten rid of the Xanax and am talking to my therapist about my drinking. I know i need help.

[DechanDawa]

need to find new ways to get attention
i remember i couldn't get attention unless i screamed at the top of my lungs like a wild woman
but that should not be needed
thank you for coming on because peeps here are listening
new strategy, please?

[FireIsland123]

Be sure to let your doctor know what's going on with your meds, OK?

[guiltier65]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

need to find new ways to get attention
i remember i couldn't get attention unless i screamed at the top of my lungs like a wild woman
but that should not be needed
thank you for coming on because peeps here are listening
new strategy, please?

thanks for that. I felt so lost for a while, that i couldn't see light. I will keep talking here with people who understand.

[DechanDawa]

I love that you are using your voice here.

[guiltier65]

I am embarassed and ashamed for my actions last night. I've got to find ways to cope before I reach that point. I know that I scared a lot of people including myself.

[DechanDawa]

Yes./////////////////

[Fuzzybear]

It sounds like you had no idea that the nurse forum would react the way they did. That was not under your control.

I don't think embarrassment is always a bad thing. It can motivate us to change our behavior.

I agree with the people who warned about mixing xanax and alcohol. It can cause you to stop breathing while you're sleeping and it's not easy to predict if that will happen.

I don't know if you had the xanax for panic attacks? If you did, getting a prescription for only, say, 2 pills, could let you have some available but not enough to be dangerous.

If you weren't taking it for panic attacks but had been using it for a while, be on the lookout for benzo withdrawal symptoms. If you start feeling very anxious and sick, please call your doctor. Stopping a benzo suddenly can be dangerous, too.

[guiltier65]

You are right. I had no idea they would react the way the did, but I'm thankful that they did. I was slipping quickly down a scary hole. My husband has got my Xanax and is under orders to give me only one as needed for anxiety. I am seeing a psychiatrist next week, so I feel like maybe there is a light in this dark place. I think my main shame comes from the fact that now my whole family knows how low I got. and that i reached out to strangers instead of them. but I just wanted to escape and i didn't care for how long.