[RomanSunburn]

I know depression can give outsiders the impression that you are lazy. I also know that depression frequently comes with negative self talk telling you that you are, in fact, lazy. But at this point, I'm beginning to wonder... Maybe I AM just lazy.

Everything feels really weird this time around. This time, it hasn't been anything like any of my previous episodes of major depression. I'm not filled with absolute self-loathing, I'm not angry, I'm just... here. On the one hand, I feel like I've lost my motivation, but on the other, I feel like I haven't. It's like a motivation with procrastination (and I'm not a procrastinator when I'm stable). I still feel fairly optimistic about my future, and at the same time, feel like my future is going to be a stay at home wife because that's all it seems like I can handle (and then I try to be optimistic about that, like I could use the break from stress). I'm still laughing, but I'm also isolating. Sometimes I almost feel like I'm in a good mood, even if I had a terrible day. It... almost feels like I'm on vacation. Like I've given up on my responsibilities so completely, that I don't have any, like I'm not supposed to be doing work. I'm a pro at avoidance when I'm anxious or depressed, but in the past, it has always been... well.. depressing. I'm semi-functional, but that seems to be decreasing.

I guess the best way to describe what I'm feeling is detached. I think. I'm not sure.

I started a medication in September that I hadn't been on since my "guinea pig days" back in high school. I'm not sure if that's affecting things or not, but I think it might be. Is it possible that it could be making me feel "good" despite being depressed? Does that even make sense?

I have a T, but it's a little irregular. My next appointment isn't until January, but I'm on her cancellation list, so I'll probably see her at least once before then. I see my pdoc in about two weeks, so I'm definitely going to mention my concerns about my medication to her, but unless she suggests it, I probably won't change my meds, since they seem to be "working"...ish.

I'm just not sure what to do.

Anyways, thanks for reading. I mostly just needed to get that out there, and if anyone replies, it's a bonus.

[Rapunzel]

I don't know about you, but I'm just so tired and have motivation problems, especially when it is dark so much of the time. I'm slowed down. I need to sleep all the time. And I'm trying to do too much. I guess that if I really were lazy, I probably would not commit to doing so much.

[IrisBloom]

You can be at a functional level and still depressed. I lived like that for years, also as a mother. I don't think being "stuck" at home or working outside the home has much to do with it. Remember, recovery is a long, slow process and you may not have hit your stable normal yet. Certainly do whatever you need to build your self-esteem and sense of worth. But it's not dependent on where you are, it's dependent on how you feel inside. You are you no matter where you go.

[blessedlonergrl]

Hi RomanSunburn,
I suffer from depression and a few months ago started wondering how my laziness could be mistaken for depression in my mind when I am not feeling super sad..In other words when I am functioning okay and am motivated but am still feeling lazy and resistant to take care of responsibilities. I started to wonder also if pressuring myself to do so many things I didn't want to do was adding to my depression.. I realized if I was going to be able to keep up a healthy routine of work, cleaning, cooking, socializing, that I would have to learn self discipline.. I'm still learning! How does one learn this when all my life (mostly) I've been so undisciplined?? Anyway good luck to both of us.

[ViciousPopCobain777]

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

I know depression can give outsiders the impression that you are lazy. I also know that depression frequently comes with negative self talk telling you that you are, in fact, lazy. But at this point, I'm beginning to wonder... Maybe I AM just lazy.

Everything feels really weird this time around. This time, it hasn't been anything like any of my previous episodes of major depression. I'm not filled with absolute self-loathing, I'm not angry, I'm just... here. On the one hand, I feel like I've lost my motivation, but on the other, I feel like I haven't. It's like a motivation with procrastination (and I'm not a procrastinator when I'm stable). I still feel fairly optimistic about my future, and at the same time, feel like my future is going to be a stay at home wife because that's all it seems like I can handle (and then I try to be optimistic about that, like I could use the break from stress). I'm still laughing, but I'm also isolating. Sometimes I almost feel like I'm in a good mood, even if I had a terrible day. It... almost feels like I'm on vacation. Like I've given up on my responsibilities so completely, that I don't have any, like I'm not supposed to be doing work. I'm a pro at avoidance when I'm anxious or depressed, but in the past, it has always been... well.. depressing. I'm semi-functional, but that seems to be decreasing.

I guess the best way to describe what I'm feeling is detached. I think. I'm not sure.

I started a medication in September that I hadn't been on since my "guinea pig days" back in high school. I'm not sure if that's affecting things or not, but I think it might be. Is it possible that it could be making me feel "good" despite being depressed? Does that even make sense?

I have a T, but it's a little irregular. My next appointment isn't until January, but I'm on her cancellation list, so I'll probably see her at least once before then. I see my pdoc in about two weeks, so I'm definitely going to mention my concerns about my medication to her, but unless she suggests it, I probably won't change my meds, since they seem to be "working"...ish.

I'm just not sure what to do.

Anyways, thanks for reading. I mostly just needed to get that out there, and if anyone replies, it's a bonus.

Holy ***** this describes me exactly!

You don't know how much I can relate to this

[JohnCrow]

It is hard to figure out what's wrong with you when the organ that is supposed to tell you something is wrong isn't working right

Dysthymia, the depression that causes you to not feel anything, may be your personal flavour. You probably look around and see people living their lives, enjoying themselves and think why can't I do that? Because something in your brain is sending and receiving the wrong signals. People, even now, think of mental illness as a character flaw, rather than a actual physical illness. The brain is physical, it processes data, it runs the ebb and flow of everything and, when there is something wrong, even a little, it messes with the whole

Let me tell you a story about a little experiment: The subject was given glasses that turned their vision upside down. It took several days but eventually the subject's brain started to see things normally. The brain adjusted to the error. When they took the glasses off after the experiment, things were upside down for several days until it re-adjusted.

With depression, your brain knows the wrong signals are going out so it tries to reduce the cognitive dissonance. But it cannot detect internally so it cannot accept that the internal signal is wrong so it must be an outside factor. It, meaning you, will try to find reasons for feeling bad.

The brain, despite many advances in medicine, is still very much a black box. It is unbelievably complicated - in fact it remains the most complex thing we know of. It listens for things wrong in the body and tries to correct them but the one thing it cannot correct is itself because the sensor cannot sense itself

[Fuzzybear]