[Nike007]

Hello. Today I realize that I hate myself a lot. I have an extremely low self-esteem. If someone compliments me, I push it off because I think I don't deserve that compliment or there is someone else better out there. I do a lot to please others and it seems like I get nothing out of it. I mainly know that the social worker I see isn't impressed when she compliments me and I don't say "thanks" or whatever. I don't deserve people to be nice to me. That's how I feel. If someone says I did something wrong, I am going to think about it all day and say I suck and I'm a horrible person and I should have never made that mistake because it's stupid. I always think people judge me all the time and watch for every mistake I have. I will do stuff for others so they don't hate me even though I don't want to do it. I really hate myself. I want to do better, but it seems my self-hatred is preventing part of that. I'm too stressed right now. My head is not fully here. The CYW I saw today complimented me and she said my eyes just looked like it bounced the compliment back at her. One of the reasons why I can't look into eyes. People can read me. I shouldn't have emotions because if I have negative ones people will judge me and I don't want to be judged. I just want to hide in a corner. Everything is my fault in my life. That's what I think. I just want to be "normal" with no emotional problems.

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg

[Marla500]

Nike, I like you-you sound just like me.

[winter4me]

This is a familiar voice (it is in my head also)...
Ways I can (sometimes, enough of the time to go on) chase this away for a bit:
Strenuous exercise (not in a gym(unless it's a group I can drop in and out of like aerobics when I lived near, and could afford it...), but hiking a mountain, or riding a bike, ---problem is the pull to the couch of depression, has to be (initially) forced but works.(I am always good -mostly- when I go camping...when I lived off the grid, alternately, I would occasionally get a room at a nice hotel...just for a night.
Telling myself that really, no one is that interested in me vs the rest of the world/people/themselves to be bothered judging me. Who am I to think they bother?
Painting (no I am no artist)....just the colors, the brushes, (again, takes an effort because all the other things I "should do first" come to mind)---ambient music and paints really help for the time I use them...
I am knitting a sweater for my grandson....unless I am too anxious and mistake-poised, this helps (a project that needs to be done by a certain time can help, for me it is the sweater by Christmas)
Treat yourself nice even if you"don't deserve" it----whatever seems nice. Me, I have been meaning to buy candles----because I like candle light (& oil lamps), perhaps a light incense, warm shower with great soap..cup of hot chocolate with cream & peppermint, or iced tea with lots of lemon & peppermint
I generally feel good when I am either out in the woods, or walking a city (love Manhattan for this...been a while) neighborhood with my camera.
I have to yell back "shut up" a lot....
What I find upsetting, are the times I feel Really good, and think I have really moved on only to have the curtain drop unexpectedly again, at the worst possible moment (sometimes external events, more often internal)
It is difficult to get over the sense of being betrayed or "fooled" into thinking happy/positive/hopeful thoughts, having those good feelings only to have them snatched away----hard to know this is how it is so the good things have to be relished...
sorry for the ramble...I am ....well, guess I better change my mood.

Nike, look in the mirror. What do you see? A beautiful person that was created, a being with wonderment, talent, unlimited potential. A person created in God's image. A person who has the ability to heal tenderly with their hands, to give compassion, love, understanding. A person who has empathy for others and knows what it is like to hurt and suffer. You have value, so much so that others can see that value in you. Now, you must see that value in yourself. God does not create junk, He creates beauty and you are His handiwork. Be gracious and say thank you when people compliment you. And be kind to yourself. You have the gift of life, and that is precious. Blessings.

[little turtle]

so nike what works for you....help me out

[gayleggg]

Nike, I can sympathize. A friend criticized me the other day (in a constructive way) but my brain can't get past it. I help her out with her quilting business and the criticism was minor but now every time I do something I question if it's good enough. Logically I know that most of the time I do a good job but emotionally I can't help but feel inferior.

I don't have any answers for you but you are not alone.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by little turtle

so nike what works for you....help me out

What do you mean what works for me?

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by Nike007

What do you mean what works for me?

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg

do you find any way of feeling better about yourself...I have a similar problem

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by little turtle

do you find any way of feeling better about yourself...I have a similar problem

Not really. People tell me all these nice things about me, but I tend to disagree with them, even though they are complimenting me. It's weird, I know. I don't like myself, to the point I hate myself. I hate short moments of happiness, but overall, I hate myself.

Sorry you suffer from similar problem (((little turtle))) ️ . Stay strong.

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg

[radcliff]

I feel exactly the same

[green0cake]

Wanting yourself to be normal requires YOU to take effort to it. You should be ready for some changes or else your wanting to be normal won't come to pass. So... ready?

Do not be rude to other people because they give you compliments. They see good in you as you do not see in yourself. Appreciate it. There is really someone else that is better than you. That's the truth. But it doesn't mean you are not good at anything. People have different gifts and you need to find out yours

Another truth. You cannot please everybody. Do you know why? Because you cannot control their thoughts. That's an uncontrollable thing on earth. You need to accept that.

It's ironic that you don't take compliments but trying to please everybody though.

People makes mistakes, including so. Do not overthink of things you think you "failed" at. forgive yourself and move on. "Normal" people makes mistakes

I hope that gave you a little thought about life.

I am here to support you to break yourself from poor self-esteem. You can do it!

[ElephantWarrior]

Hi Nike. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you feel like your social worker is making you uncomfortable you can always request another one. Good luck!

[detfan4life]

Sending you hugs

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by ElephantWarrior

Hi Nike. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you feel like your social worker is making you uncomfortable you can always request another one. Good luck!

It's not that she is bad. I just am really hard on myself, as you stated. She is really nice and helpful, I'm just the problem in that sense.

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg

[Fuzzybear]

[avlady]

i sometimes feel this problem too. i try to think positive thoughts and the compliments help. i'm not fishing for compliments, i just like them, that is why i feel bad when someone compliments me, because i don't believe it myself. it is an issue of self esteem.

[winter4me]

So, another difficult question.
What benefits do you get from staying where you are?

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by winter4me

So, another difficult question.
What benefits do you get from staying where you are?

What to you mean by "staying where I am?"

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg

[winter4me]

It is more comfortable to reject compliments? (It is risky to accept them...could be a game changer over time) This place of self-hatred, as bad as it feels, is also a place that you know, even nestle down into at times.
(I speak as someone who has spent long periods of time in a fetal position under blankets in the corner of a couch)...there is a piece of that that is safe, that is home...even though I know that I feel healthier, more alive, more intensely when I am active rather than passive....I think of an old Springsteen song "so I'm wandering/a loser down the track/ ...in the darkness I hear somebody calling my name..." *Streets Of Fire"....
Saying "yes" to the positive is scary. I mean, what if they laugh when you beam? What if they expect more of you? What if you get hurt? What if you hurt someone? Yikes, all kinds of things can go wrong...