Help Understanding my dear friend

Ok, so I've never really posted on a site like this or anything, and I don't know if I'm even right about what I think is going on.
This isn't about me. This is about someone I care for very very deeply and my concern has been growing.
I'm not really too educated on symptoms of depression or any other mental disorders, which is why it's easier to come here and hopefully get help from someone else rather than endlessly google things (which i've done) but it's difficult to pin down.
I'll try to make it as short as possible -
This is about an ex boyfriend of mine. We started dating about 8 years ago on and off. We are in our mid 20's now- so when we met we were very young. He has always been the life of the party, funny, great personality, and a blast to be around. I love him very much.
About 4 years ago when we broke up one of the many times, he told me he was having issues finding himself and that he hopes one day i'll understand his struggles. He could never seem to stay with me longer than a few months and then he would come up with an excuse to break up or run away from me. However, I know he loved me dearly and I would always be extremely confused as to why he kept leaving then coming back, and the cycle repeated.
This went on for years, but now the last few years we have drifted, we see each other maybe 3 times a year, rarely speak. When we do, though, he tells me how much he hopes we can work things out one day and how much he loves me, misses me. Anyway, that's not what this about.

I ran into him at a bar a week ago - he was extremely rude to everyone around us, he said completely inappropriate comments to my friends. An example.. my grandfather is very sick and passing away, which I told him.. his response- "What can I say, he's dying, he's going to die" with no emotion in his heart. That's just one of many, he would say downright rude comments directly to people. He is always drunk.. 9/10 times i've seen him he has a drink in his hand, and tells me that he has been drinking too much and is drunk.However, he managed to be all over me like usual telling me how much he's missed me, etc. This is not the man I knew a few years ago. He has driven drunk many times. He hit the side of the railing on a freeway one time, with me in the car. He is reckless and doesn't seem to care about what will happen.
I wished him a Happy New Year with which he ignored and responded with a completely rude, irrelevant text.
The list could go on. He dated two new girls in the last few years only for several months, which he seemed to not be into at all, but rather using them as a crutch or boost.
He's always tired, and he can sleep for a day at a time. I would have to drag him out of bed.
Anyway, the reason i'm concerned is because he seems to be spirilizing downhill to where he won't even talk to me anymore, he has shut everyone out, and people are beginning to dislike him because of the way he acts towards everyone.
He makes angry comments that his family doesn't care about him (which I've never known to be true) and his Christmas was terrible, no gifts, no fun.. you get the picture. No one seems to be reaching out for him and I don't even know if this sounds like depression or just not a nice person. If anyone has any input or advice, i'd really appreciate it. I'm very worried as his reckless behavior seems to be getting worse.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.Sorry it's lengthy.

hi roxyblue. Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you are facing challenges with your friend. It sounds like a challenging situation. How much does your friend want to change? The answer to that question may determine how much you can be there for them and suggest options. In the end everyone is the captain of their own ship.

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Depression Support Chat Thursday 9PM EST and Anxiety Support Chat Friday at 8PM EST.

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Welcome to the Psych Central community, roxyblue! From what you describe it sounds like there is something going on with him other than (or in addition to) depression. His anger and rudeness and recklessness would indicate that. I'm no psychiatrist but it sounds like maybe bipolar or maybe borderline personality disorder. Whatever it is he would benefit from seeing a mental health professional. You don't mention whether he has any substance abuse issues but if he does that will just exacerbate his other issues. The thing is you can't make him get help. Yes you can reach out to him, but that can only go so far. You have to maintain boundaries and take care of yourself first. You say you care for him very deeply and your concern is growing. Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone we care about-- especially for someone who doesn't seem to be appreciating/responding to our caring-- is to step back.

Thanks for the replies. I guess i'm in the wrong place on the the forum then - I just did some research on BPD and it does actually fit many of the symptoms. I don't see him that often so i'm not sure I can say if he has substance abuse issues, but he does drink heavily.
I have never talked to him openly about this, since he doesn't really admit it or wouldn't say there's something wrong with him.

I just figured something must be off if he can show such extreme emotions towards me and wanted to spend time with me, express his feelings for me, and then just several days later ignore me like it never happened. It's hard to believe that his actions were only fake or perhaps it's easier to push the ones you love away?

I guess taking a step back is the only thing I can do. It's just so hard to love someone so much and seeing them in pain or not knowing what's wrong/how to help. I wonder where the man I love went.

Thanks for the responses. i guess maybe i'm in the wrong section of the forum then.
I did some research on bpd. It does fit things pretty well with him.
I figure that it's kind of odd behavior to act like you love someone for one night, thought it was the beginning of starting anew again between us only to be pushed away once again, as if everything he said and did was fake.

It's hard to see him in pain, and hard to see people around him making fun of him. I don't know if he has a substance abuse problem, but i do know he drinks heavily. We've never openly discussed if he has an issue or depression, because he doesn't often express his feelings or wouldn't risk hurting his pride or appearing weak.
Which makes me so sad, because i'd be here for him through everything, but I guess all I can do is take a step back and hope he can recover.
It's just so hard loving someone so much and envisioning a future together only to have them keep running away from you and to see him hurting.