Can you relate to this type of depression? Need insights

If I really think about it I've had depressive episodes throughout my life. This time around there were a couple of triggers that took me to a black hole...my dark place. Recently, and I don't know if this is just my depressive cycle or due to situations but recently: I went out with a friend I had not seen in a long time. We chatted over lunch. It was awesome because I hardly go out. The next day I met with a colleague to discuss work and it felt good to experience some discussion and, share thought processes, and have good feelings over just being able to talk to a human, have spontaneous thoughts and feelings, and appreciate that someone was helping me on an assignment.

I started feeling better than I had in the last several months. I didn't do as much work as I needed to the next two days, but because I had a presentation today, I got up this morning and made sure I was prepared for it. I feel like I might be getting out of my slump, but who knows, I might end up falling back in the hole in between the times that I must meet a deadline or must fulfill a commitment and go out somewhere. It's the accountability that makes me do what I have to do to get by, so the adrenaline or dread of humiliation gets me to do it. But without that I have wanted to lie on the couch or in bed and do nothing. So, I am not sure if any positive moods are temporary as they have been the last several months.

I do have a therapist and a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist is for my anxiety. But I've never discussed that I might have a depression problem. My therapist has more insight into me since I see her often, and may suspect it, but doesn't talk to me about it. I'm not sure she really helps my overall well-being since it's been several years that I've been seeing her and I've gotten to this ugly place. I've written a lot. Hope you followed it and can give any insight.

It always makes me feel better to have some real discussion/communication with others. Being able to do so with both a friend and a colleague recently could certainly be what made you start to feel better. Can you work on ways to create that kind of interaction more often? Also you say you've never discussed the possibility you have depression with your psychiatrist. I'm not sure why that is, but it's something you might want to really consider. As for your therapist, if you've seen her for several years and she has never talked to you about, but you think suspects you have depression you might have gotten as far with her as you are going to be able to go. If you're not ready to talk to your psychiatrist about it, though, maybe you could bring it up with your therapist? I hope you can work things out and get to feeling better.

I'm not sure how to bring it up to my psychiatrist. It's like I'm more ashamed of it than having anxiety. Sometimes I think if I say things like "I don't have any motivation for xyz" and things like that she'll see the signs. But maybe since I don't see her a lot she hasn't connected the dots. Also, I talk about certain things going on in my life and my feelings about it and I feel like maybe she thinks I'm just upset over it, but not depressed.

Burgundy, there is no more shame in being depressed than being anxious (or having diabetes or any illness).

I admire the way you do what you have to whatever you feel about it and I'm sure your psychiatrist (and therapist) would respect you for it too. It's easier for them tho give the right care if they have the full picture, and they probably got more from your body language than you think.

I so relate to the way you describe your mood changing. I find human contact really helps me too.

I have longstanding depression, having lived with the black dog for my entire adult life and much of my teenage years. The last two years I'm lower than for many years before and now, when I feel better, I'm scared that it will go away and leave me back in the pit. I have to work hard to try and avoid predicting the slide, and try to make the most of any moment of respite.
There is no garantee that your positive mood is temporary, it could last longer.

I hope you feel able to be open with your psychiatrist, I suspect you will find more compassion than you give yourself, and with a better picture of your situation, she can target any treatment to what you need more easily.
Would you be ashamed if you had arthritis? That's a long term condition that affects your life too, the only difference is that it's visible from the outside.