So lost...I feel so empty...

Right now, I feel like crying, I feel like screaming, I feel so empty. After today, I went to my school counselor to talk, before my friend advised to do so. I told her a sliver of the problem, how I was so stressed and quiet with class and my grades. I wanted to change classes, but she told me stuff that I've been hearing all the time. Don't let what others say to you get to you, ask for help. What made me so peeved is how she dismissed the problem, how she didn't understand. If I told her about my anxiety, depression, or self harm, they would have done something like send me to a mental hospital or something. Maybe I do belong in one, my friends always stress that I need help and it makes me feel like I'm weak or there's something wrong with me, not the problems. I feel like others are blind to how I feel, or is it me?

I went to talk to the counselor during lunch, and it was only a few of my friends there. I came in the school crying this morning, feeling hopeless, and one of them wanted to know what was going on. When I told her, she looked so shocked, and I got yelled at. She pressed on how stupid cutting was to do, how this is a current problem, just to push it all away. It surprised me and the others when I was yelling in tears. She has similar problems as me, she told me she understands, but if anyone really knew, they would feel the pain I feel. Now, there's a possibility that I'll be homeschooled, which limits my interaction with friends. I feel like screaming, but not a word passes my lips. I feel like crying, but I'm tired of doing so. I feel like cutting, but I feel paralyzed in my sorrow. I don't know what to do, I feel so close to my breaking point. I just want to disappear, to not hurt anybody. I feel like such a waste, if only they knew, but I am too scared to talk. I want to leave so badly, but I couldn't stand seeing my friends and brother in pain. They're what have stopped me for so long not to take action.

What should I do, how can I take my life back? I'm sick of feeling this way, but its all I've ever known. People get to me just to make myself mad, but it does more. How can I make myself stronger and not to let words get to me?

I get that way at times too. I still can´t get myself out of these feelings, they just run their course. Just wanted you to know you aren´t alone xx

I'm sorry the counsellor disappointed you so much. Maybe she seemed dismissive because she only knew the little of what you said and thought that was the whole problem.

Knowing more doesn't mean they'll send you to hospital. It's something they try to avoid with young people, but they may be more realistic with their advice.

Is there another counsellor you can talk to? They're not al the same.

I'm only being tentative and giving my thoughts. Remember I don't know you or your situation, but I care that you find support.

Keep posting and share your worries.

No problem is too trivial here and rants are just what we're here to read.

I feel for you and will be thinking of you.

I want to second what Fizzyo said... see if you can find another counselor, start fresh, tell the whole story. If not a counselor then find someone else that you trust that you can talk to.

Help is available and it is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength to recognize that what's happening now isn't quite working and to seek help.

Yea don't let others affect you but only in the context of don't let them stop you from seeking the help you need. The counselor should not have dismissed how what others are saying and doing is making you feel. Either she didn't understand your problem or she is terribly uninformed.

Good luck and hope you can find some help. It is available.

Thank you. At school, there is only one counselor per grade, so I'm at a dead end.