[wasteofcarbon]

Well, I've had it. I've gotten to the point that I figure I'll write it down.

It's a long story, but my life has been a total joke of a waste. Every last situation I've been in wound up with me being screwed over, cheated, dropped, abandoned, tossed aside, laughed at, ridiculed. From day one I've been a human reject. I've never done jack sh** right, I've never been good enough. Winding up approaching 48, with no friends, no family, no life, crappy job, nothing but a mountain of debt and may as well be bankrupt ... haven't had a g/f but a couple times in my life, and laid=1, in my entire */** life. No one would have anything to do with me that wasn't a road ***** anyway, and even then I've gotten the cold blow off from low hanging fruit. My life is literally totally empty, and everything I've ever done to try to change that has become a giant terd thrown right back in my face. "fate" is that my baseline of life is one that is to be bad, and that "fate" is for it to only get worse, never better. A recently read story on psychology today about dogs in a cage being shocked resulting in "learned helplessness" hit the nail on the ****** head.

And this b/s about "talk to a professional"??? BEE ESS. "god", "therapists" ... like talking will change anything. Life is what life is, and the only thing "talking" or "praying" will do, is, try to wrangle into accepting reality. And the fact of the matter is, reality is life is a waste.

[wasteofcarbon]

guess even here no one gives a sh**.

Have you tried therapy to find out how you can break that cycle?

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome.

Your "long story" was rather concise. I've seen much longer "long" stories. Please feel free to expand on what you've written.

Only if you care to share it, when was your day one, in childhood? Where there any times when you felt almost "good enough?"

[wasteofcarbon]

Day one was from as far back as I can remember, yes, early childhood. I tried therapy for a while and all I learned is , other than being stuck on Effexor xr, it's a load. I can talk for days and years but life is what life is. The only thing that will work on me is if life ever turned positive. But, we all know that won't happen. It's taken 48 years for me to learn it, and realize the work and fightng it and struggling against it was a complete waste. My only shot if I stay around would literally be starting over, hoping to get promoted to fries. But life has told me to hope in one hand and "poop" in the other, and I'll have two hands full of "poop". I'm as tired of life as it has always been of me. Let "god" have his willies watching me struggle. yeah, right. "god". Ha.

I can understand that you are tired. We all are from time to time, but there is hope always ...

In case you need it:
Suicide: Read This First