I don't know what's going on with me right now :(

I wish I could figure out what’s going on with me right now. Yesterday was awful, and my psychiatrist isn’t available until tomorrow morning at 8:30am. See, I’ve been taking my meds regularly finally… yeah, I got an app for that and well, I started noticing my mood declining over the past few weeks but wasn’t sure cause sometimes I’d be generally okay. Or surviving. Something like that.

Yesterday I was panicking in a way cause none of my friends were available in a moment of crisis (didn’t want to be alone, wanted to hear someone’s voice – someone that I knew, was absolutely miserable for no reason), and so I called my parents and after talking to them for a while, we decided that it would be better for me to be over at their place.

Unfortunately, I had to get my dad to come pick me up because I was absolutely terrified about going outside my apartment building by myself. So after my dad picked me up I stayed at their place for the night and part of the morning. I guess I’m doing a little better now but I’m still miserable. I feel overwhelmed but also kind of numb in a way. I don’t know why… this is just really not good for me.

I want to thank you guys for listening. I feel like such a burden and a nuisance most of the time.

I think we all have those moments where everything seems impossible. Some days just doing the school run makes me break out in a sweat and I feel sick at having to unlock the front door and step out. But I know I HAVE to.

I've found myself sometimes feeling like I've completely lost control and I just need someone to hug me or talk through it but there's no one available. If I'm in the house on my own I sometimes just talk out loud anyway, just hearing what I'm feeling out loud sometimes is enough.

It's just one of those things where you have to take each hour as it comes. My problem is always over thinking things.

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Thanks for understanding Evaluna.

I tried calling my psychiatrist's office today but because of the holiday, they're closed. I understand why of course, it's just I'm really hurting right now and I just, I just want things to be fixed. You know?

I really need to hear someone else's voice at the moment. Someone who cares. I know my parents are okay with me coming over but I feel like a bother. I may go a little later on today though. Just to say hi.

I guess I should be getting my apartment ready for when my friend comes over later... but I really don't want to burden her with my problems. Perhaps we can be out of the apartment though. I'll have to ask her. *sighs*

Hi Catlady,

It sounds as though your parents are there to be relied upon, do appreciate that and accept all the help they offer.

I hope by now you are ready for your friend's visit. Make it a casual request to go out if you feel the need, don't feel like a burden. Try to enjoy the company as a distraction from your downswing. We all have these - I'm in the midst of a Doozy - but now it is just a short time until your appt. With company over, time will fly and you will be at your appt forthwith.

Remember, after every dip there is an upturn of Mood. Sometimes it just takes a while.

Dave.

Unfortunately my parents decided that I was too depressed and got me to cancel with my friend by saying I was sick. Oh well, at least they took me out to lunch.