I honestly feel like I'm falling apart. I've been trying so hard to stay on top of it this time but I'm still failing. I've been reaching for help, got my meds increased, have had increased contact from the mental health team. But I am still just a mess. A mess that is definitely not coping.

At the same time I have a close friend who is also struggling. I've been trying to support her and it is draining me. Everything I say to her to keep her safe I don't even believe myself. I am such a ****ing hypocrite.

I don't feel like I can move on from this. I feel like I will be stuck this way forever. And if that is the case I really would rather die. I'm finding it so hard to make an attempt right now. I don't know how to get through this. I just feel done.

[festidump]

Just remember you wont feel this way forever. Hold on to that thought and I would suggest avoiding making any decisions until then and your view of your world is more objective. I hope you feel better soon and I hope you can find time for yourself. You deserve it and I´m sorry your going through this.

[IrisBloom]

Sometimes we need to stop fighting and just rest and let it be. You're depressed whether you fight it or not, right? Give yourself a break. Just try to relax, find something you like to do, pamper yourself for a few days. Do something just for you. The fight will still be there when you are ready to go back and fight.

[lavendersage]

What Iris says makes good sense. If you feel like you'd like to talk to someone about how you're feeling, though, there's the national hotlines. I called them once. They're very kind, non-judgmental listeners. They care.

Think about if you might want to try that.

Thanks. And while I know eventually (hopefully) this will pass but in the moment it's impossible to see that. Also knowing that while I will get better I will get worse again, it just doesn't seem worth it. I can't do this over and over again. It has gone on for way too long

[IrisBloom]

Skye, you are a survivor! Look at what you have come through already! Sometimes it takes a while to find the sweet spot. And remember, everyone has ups and downs in life. When you find the right treatment for you you will stabilize. If a med does not seem to be working (after giving a month or so) tell your doc. Self help can be important too. Maybe search online ways you can help yourself with meditation, art, poetry, daily mental exercises, etc.

And don't worry about the future! Focus on getting better now, and what you think will happen may never happen.

Thanks for your support. Well I have now been referred to the crisis team and probably gonna end up being admitted to hospital...really don't want that but may not have any choice...