Bleah

I thought my gaming group was meeting on Saturday, but it's a long weekend in Canada, so that's toast.

So now I feel even worse. If that's even possible.

I was going to withdraw from everyone, but I made the mistake of going to church, to thank a certain someone for certain favours. A series of events took place there. As a result, I'm "talking" again.

Feeling awful But "talking" again. (Doug must be dancing around his living room tonight.) (I cried alone in a church bathroom over my mother and her letter to me for a few minutes. For me, a record.)

I'm going to be engaging in a new exercise. I don't have a name for it yet. In it, I will be describing what I'm doing. Those actions will be uninhibited by any form of disability, emotional or physical.

IT MERELY DESCRIBES MY STATE OF MIND AT THE MOMENT AND NOT WHAT I'M ACTUALLY DOING. I'm reduced to this, because I'm locked in, physically and emotionally.

Feel free to 'interact'

Here goes:

I'm sitting on the floor of my apartment, with my back to the wall. My legs are bent. My feet are on the floor. My arms are clasped around my knees, fingers locked. I'm gently rocking, backwards and forward, forward and backward.

I'm crying. I've been crying for hours and probably will be up all night crying.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.

this is a good step in the right direction me thinks..

the crying part I mean.. I just hope the rocking back and forth does not cause you more pain than you are already in ???

Please do not punish yourself and not take your pain meds.. TAKE THEM.. sorry but you need to them to function correct..

((((((((( hugs and more hugs )))))))))))))))))

I am the dragon



<font color=purple>

All I can do is send you my hugs.

((((((((((((((( hamstergirl )))))))))))))

Please take care, I've been there too, you'll get through it in time.

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

This whole exercise is SYMBOLIC. IN RL, I cannot even sit on the floor, crying is next to impossible and well, if I tried to rock back and forth, I'd hurt myself.

So I'm writing what body language I'd use to express my feelings if I weren't disabled. Sort of as a next step. To help express my feelings.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.

I am SO SO SO glad you are writing. The vision of you rocking, holding yourself, nuturing yourself, seems very special to me. It's like taking yourself back to the beginning, and mothering yourself.

There is a concept called the "Internal Mother". For those of us whose own mothers lacked the ability to nurture us, we can learn to cultivate within us, our own internal mother. She can be there for us when we need her.

Emmy

"Language is a Trojan horse by which the universe gets into the mind. ." -- Hugh Kenner

ah ok.. I get you now..

well if I were there to help you, I would sit like that for you..
<marquee> <font color=purple> (((((((((((((((((( hugs and hugs )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) </marquee>

<font color=purple>