[JohnCrow]

I was doing great. Although I still don't have a job I finished Christmas feeling upbeat

I reconnected with friends on Facebook, including some that I have not heard from in 40 years! One was a quiet crush of 10 year old me (and her of me, but that was then, not the reason for reconnect)

I enjoyed political banter back and forth on Facebook, adding both my insights and humour to debates. I stopped taking the meds because the cure (power yawns to the point of spasms and other effects)

I felt alive, bright and rarin' to go

And then one Facebook post. I had joined a thread, posted some comments, some links to back my stand and researched others' so I could develop a counter-argument. One person, a brother of a friend, simply said I was a troll and another whom I never cared for anyway, but got along with because he was a friend of a friend, posted that he was surprised [friend's name] let me even hang out in his circle of friends, as I was a "pretentious know-it-all"

I never cared for him before and now I actively dislike him, but knowing that this was felt behind my back? It crushed me

I was fine. I was almost happy. I searched for jobs with optimism

And now? The thought "50 years is enough for one lifetime" keeps running through my head. I see no hope again. My body even hurts, joining this Grand Guignol of my soul

[dexter]

JohnCrow I can relate to this. I'm very much alone so most of my connection with others is via social media. 99% it keeps me up and feeling connected and I interact. Yesterday I saw something that sent me in a tailspin of pain and insomnia and ideation. All I saw was a photo of a coworker out having a good time... It wasn't a post to me or including me, just one of those "check in" posts and it set me off (there's a little more to it than that but it's personal). I try to stay off of social media but that hurts worse. I'm here a lot as a way to avoid Facebook.

Someone else here recently posted how depression amplifies all of our negative thoughts, fears, and paranoia. I think this is the most distinguishing feature of this illness, at least for me. A tiny crumb of real negativity (a comment on Facebook) swirls around until it becomes "proof" that life isn't worth living. It doesn't have to be from something real, could be that someone didn't say goodbye to me when leaving work, and my weekend is ruined.

Hope you can get back to that place of optimism quickly. It is there. Hope you have some help with this even if meds aren't the answer for you (maybe talk about different meds?) Other tools and coping skills can help to keep things from knocking us off our recovery path or make the diversion short.

Good luck, I"m struggling greatly with this myself right now.

[Fizzyo]

Hi JohnCrow,

I'm so sorry this incident upset your applecart so much. People can do a lot of harm and not even know it.

I agree, depression is the biggest amplifier of any negative event and we need to find ways to challenge our thoughts about it so we can rebuild ourselves. ( I'm talking to myself as much as anyone else).

I hope you can work towards the frame of mind you were in before. You achieved it once, so it is possible.
Is there anything you can think of that you did to find the positive place you were in? Self talk? Other things you did?

Good luck and best wishes ❤️

[Fizzyo]

JohnCrow,

How are you now? I'm thinking of you.

❤️

[Fuzzybear]