[therebelheart]

I've struggled with depression from the age of 14 and I'm now 28. That's half of my life. Things hit a new low at Christmas just gone and for the first time I began to seriously consider ending my own life. I was referred to the local crisis team who put me on some new medication and helped me arrange some counselling.

However things have not improved. I am still horribly low and I still have recurring suicidal thoughts. I have stopped going to to uni because I handle the crap that comes with it and I have become isolated. My parents are not helping matters- they treat me like a child and most recently we had a huge fight which culminated in my mum in tears and my dad raging at me that they can't cope with my illness- as though it was my fault I'm depressed. We've barely spoken since then (three days ago now) and this morning my mum said she doesn't remember anything and that she was asleep the whole time- a blatently lie- and my dad is pretending like nothing has happened. They've also said I should get over the fact I was physically and psychologically abused at primary school. If only it was that easy.

I can't understand why they are acting the way they are. They making my life worse with their insensitivity and their cold, callous attitude. I desperately want to leave, but I have nowhere else to go.

[Fizzyo]

I'm sorry things have got so difficult for you.

Can the mental health services get you some help to find other accommodation if your parents are part of the problem? It's worth asking.

I know someone who has done just that. She had to live in a supported hostel for a while to consolidate/prove her ability to care for herself, but she's on the way to her own place.

I know it's different in different areas in the uk, but is it worth asking.

I'm sorry I can't be of practical help, but I'm trying to send as many warm and caring vibes as I can.
❤️

[therebelheart]

Ive got a meeting with the Student Union to see if they can do something but I doubt it.

My parents have gone out for the evening with some relatives and I'm sat here all alone. I have no friends nearby. I feel so empty.

[dexter]

I had a similar family dynamic. I developed colitis in junior high school and was in the bathroom constantly and couldn't eat and was losing weight. My dad would yell at me and complain that he couldn't stand to hear the noise I was making in the bathroom all night. He would make me go to school every day and every day I would get sent home sick sometimes so weak I was unable to stand. My mom was mostly silent on the whole thing.

I figured out later in life that my dad was a manipulative man who told lies to make people feel sorry for him... As excuses for not completing jobs, for not paying bills, etc. His complaints about me were a way for him to solicit sympathy from others. I once caught him lying about my current condition to someone as an excuse for something he didn't complete and that's when I realized his game plan.

I don't know what is going on with your family, I'm certainly not saying it is the same thing without knowing you or them. But to point out it may be something with them but it is definitely something in them making them treat you this way.... It may simply be fear coming out as an opposite reaction as a defence mechanism.

So without being able to know or control what is going on with them all you can do is make sure you do what is healthy for you. Keep an open mind about your meeting and if they cannot do anything look for another avenue. Many types of help are available, and the depression makes it hard to want help let alone seek help. That's where I am right now. But please keep fighting and keeping well and seeing help.

[littleowl2006]

I could relate. In a tremedous act of willpower I moved far far away from my family when I was 20. At the time I started my own life I was highly depressed, without any mental help and basically drowning in my own emotional desaster. (I am 26 now. Still drwoning, but now with help)
Whenever I go visit my mother's place I feel exactly as you described it above, exactly as I felt when I was growing up. Isolated.
Your parents are not going to change, and neither are mine. If they could, they would have and we would have had a better time growing up.
I can't give you any good advice than to do what you love, don't give up and get a good therapist. Get all the support you can. And set some boundaries with your parents. At least as long as you can't get away from them physically, try to get some emotional distance and don't expect them to understand you. It will only leave you frustrated.
Big warm hug

[Fizzyo]

Best of luck with the Student Union, hopefully if they can't help, they can signpost you to someone who can.

[Fuzzybear]

[hartfelt]

My goes out to you therebelheart

Most of the times I don't believe our parents realize the affect they've had on their children's lives, who are now adults. Not only that, I don't believe most parents meant their children harm on purpose either.

In my situation, me and my siblings felt like we were more of a burden (and tolerated) to our parents than anything else. We were neither loved or nurtured properly, and for that matter we weren't hated either. We got caught up in the middle somewhere leaving us practically invisible. Our few requirements to maintain good standing with our parents was to not give them any trouble, and keep the house clean. That way we would be less of a burden, and less obvious. We went through great lengths to keep ourselves concealed and out of our parents view. One parent carried out severe discipline to make sure there was no repeat of the same missteps.. It worked, but our psyche's suffered.

Others have made suggestions to you, so I will just say the following to you if you are in a situation where you have no feasible out at this time. If it is at all possible therebelheart, find measures of safe escape right where you are. I have no idea what that would mean for you, but for me it is writing, and knitting with classical music playing in the background. These things do help me get through some tough moments. I hope you are able to discover your escape routes.

[therebelheart]

I didn't go in the end. I couldn't face it. It's pathetic. I'm 28, I hate living at home but I can't face leaving the house.

[littleowl2006]

Originally Posted by therebelheart

I didn't go in the end. I couldn't face it. It's pathetic. I'm 28, I hate living at home but I can't face leaving the house.

Be kind to yourself. Do it when you find the courage.
In the self help section on PC you find some material to help cope with depression.

Keep posting here in the meantime!