[scar12346]

May contain cursing, I am truly sorry for which.

So I finally see my damn therapist and guess what: I tell her about the fact that I have delusions, that I am suicidal and I can't get myself to stand from my ****ing bed and she decides that the only thing holding me down is the lack of motivation... NO ****ING ****.. Yes okay, it will help a little bit with the depression but what about the ****ing delusions?? Pfh I have no ****ing clue, I waited a whole month to see her hoping to get something like a medication, I was even ready to get locked up because I am scared of myself.. but no.. "make a diary" ... **** this I'm getting antidepressants that don't need to be prescribed. I'm so tired of this, I just want to get it over with.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by scar12346

the only thing holding me down is the lack of motivation...

Did she try to explore why you lack motivation?
Do you have to see this particular therapist? Any chance of seeing someone else?

[Skeezyks]

Hello scar12346: I'm sorry you had this unfortunate experience. I sometimes wonder if these people aren't more trouble than they're worth. But then what's the alternative? I would like to send some warm thoughts your way with the hope that, in some way, you will be able to find healng.

[scar12346]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Did she try to explore why you lack motivation?
Do you have to see this particular therapist? Any chance of seeing someone else?

I could see someone else but I hate saying no to people, I feel like I will make her feel like she didn't do her job correctly :/ She did ask me why I didn't feel motivated but I have no idea so that did not really help.

(((hugs)))

[dexter]

Keep a diary and then throw it at her next session lol. Not suggesting or condoning violence just sympathizing with your frustration. Tell her you were motivated to do that lol. Sorry for this frustration, hope you are able to receive the help you seek.

[elevatedsoul]

well... my first therapist i really loved... not in romance way - although i probably could have - but she was really smart...
but even she would say some things sometimes that made my eye twitch... but she would notice it and be like what was that?

sometimes they dont mean to trigger us that way.. do you think maybe she didn't mean to trigger you?

meds definitely can be helpful... stay strong...

[Fuzzybear]

[Nimitri]

Wow, that's... horrible. Honestly, I don't know what she was thinking. What are the credentials for this therapist? In what she specialize? Maybe she is simply not trained to deal with you and doesn't mean she is trying to hurt you or is incompetent, but it also means that you don't need to keep the therapy is you feel is not working. My therapist, who has helped me a lot, only told me 3 days ago that he believes that I have OCD (which my psychiatrist told me in 2012) and while the therapy he gave me three years ago helped me, it was incomplete and while he was going to treat me, that if I wanted he could find therapist specialized in OCD to treat me.

He has over a decade of work, a master degree in behavioral therapy and helped me with my Anxiety/Depression before and he still told me that if I wanted somebody else more qualified, I should go for it.

Maybe that would help in your case? How did you find her?

[scar12346]

Originally Posted by Nimitri

Wow, that's... horrible. Honestly, I don't know what she was thinking. What are the credentials for this therapist? In what she specialize? Maybe she is simply not trained to deal with you and doesn't mean she is trying to hurt you or is incompetent, but it also means that you don't need to keep the therapy is you feel is not working. My therapist, who has helped me a lot, only told me 3 days ago that he believes that I have OCD (which my psychiatrist told me in 2012) and while the therapy he gave me three years ago helped me, it was incomplete and while he was going to treat me, that if I wanted he could find therapist specialized in OCD to treat me.

He has over a decade of work, a master degree in behavioral therapy and helped me with my Anxiety/Depression before and he still told me that if I wanted somebody else more qualified, I should go for it.

Maybe that would help in your case? How did you find her?

Well because my family is a bit short on money, and mental health here is a lot more expensive than anything else, which is ridiculous, but we found her on the internet and it's a team of three. My first meeting was with one of the girls but she then told me that she couldn't help me and the one that I am with right now can do a better job. I think she specializes in teen behaviour and family problems. Since my parents are divorced and I do not see my dad almost at all, she of course concluded that this was the problem.. but I honestly could not care less about my dad. Gave it a chnce, hung out with him once.. nothing really changed. Her other idea was going to family therapy with my mom and me which might help with the depression part a little bit, but I still don't know how she didn't even say anything about the delusion parts. Still, I guess since I can control it it's not a big issue yet. Though I am worried that it will become an issue..

[elevatedsoul]

how many sessions have you done ? for her to conclude something... ?

my therapist never concluded anything (in the sense of saying, this is your problem)
she always said we are just going to focus on you.. what you are experiencing...
each session was a little different.. but that was mostly because of me and how i behaved during the session... one time i even told her i dont want to do therapy anymore i dont think i need it im better and all good obviously i wasn't but she was hitting on things that made me really... skittish... she smiled at me and said a few things (i cant remember what because i think i disconnected..) and then i called her back and made another appointment... sadly she left the clinic soon after that to go back to school

rambling...

what i mean is i thought therapy is supposed to be "fluid" ..? i guess if you have been going to therapy for some years maybe she would know more though...

i really wasn't good at therapy though and dont really know much about how to handle it or how it is supposed to work..(i would disconnect alot..) i just feel like they are supposed to listen to you no matter what... not in the sense that you control them, but that they should listen so they can help you through what you're saying... experiencing...
i have no idea though...

the important thing is if it is working for you or not.. right..?
therapy is supposed to be all about you...

i have only had 2 therapist... the first one was great, the second one scared the hell out of me... so in my experience i think what the therapist specializes in is really important... first T was CBT substance, trauma, i mean i honestly dont know if there is something she wasn't specializing in, she was amazing in every aspect!

the second T i dont know what she was trying to do.. but she would just try to get me to talk, talk talk talk talk, she didnt guide me or ask me anything or reflect or try to change my thought patterns or anything and i felt completely lost and scared and after 3 sessions i stopped because she was making me worse!

its important that you trust your T and your T is able to connect with you on some level i think..
do you know if your T is even aware of delusional disorders?
have you read up on delusions and stuff?
check this short article out on it..
Delusional Disorder Treatment - Psych Central
and the wiki has some interesting information...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delusion

im so sorry about long post! i ramble on alot just trying to explain what i want but not really making much sense i guess..

sorry you are struggling... i dont have delusions though so i cant say too much on the subject... its just really important that your T knows about it because if they dont they might cause you stop going to therapy and stuff you know..?

therapy with your mom might be a good thing... i guess it just depends on what you are struggling with though... it might help your mom understand what you are going through...
dont make yourself hang out with your dad if things are not good between you 2 though... dont wanna make anything worse...
but if things aren't bad then maybe in the future you can work on that... need to help you feel better first though right?

keep fighting... i hope you can feel better soon

[scar12346]

I guess we really did not have as much sessions and I really should let her do her job Still it pissed me off because I was on the edge and I doubted that I will get home safe in the end. Well things got calmer, so maybe the fact that I might get help keeps me going, especially because I am getting my medication today (which didn't need to be prescribed) and I can't wait to maybe feel true happiness.
By the way don't worry about long posts, you explained everything perfectly!