[justdonewithlife]

I was adopted by grandparents when I was in 5th grade and that was a extreme mental and emotional blow for a kid. That's when I started feeling like I was a burden to everyone I was around. I never really had friends at any point in my life. I am a really shy person and that makes life hard at times. Plus I don't like being out in public. I have panic attacks when I am around to many people. My life just seem like it been one struggle after another struggle. I can't keep a job for more than a year. I have always had a fear of something. I am a constantly worry and stress about everything. I am negative about everything and everyone. I have a lot of anger build up over years. Then I always have people telling me to quit being negative and get over my other problems. They can't comprehend that I can't just get over stuff. I have been to doctor after doctor. Have tried all kinds of medicine and none every seemed to help. Or the mediation would cause other problems that I would freak out about and have something else to worry and get stress out about. Then after all my relationship problems that I seem to have. I have had two failed marriage and a recently a long term relationship came to a end. They all seem to end the same way for me it's always the excuse of its me not you. My first marriage only last a month before she cheated on me. My second marriage last 14 years It had its highs and lows of course. Then one day after about two months of her transferring to a different store with her job. My marriage came to a all of sudden stop when she left me for another man. My most recent long term relationship end out of the blue. So now I sit here at 35 broke no car no job living with family that's not supportive at all and feeling like a major inconvenience and a burden to everyone I am living with. I am at the end of my road with no direction to go but expect crazy with worrying and stressing my out with my situation which will only cause a bad panic attack. That is short version of my life. There are so many more things. But I am just so mentally and emotionally exhausted to the point that I just want to die. I just can't take it anymore. All I want to do is crawl up in a deepest darkest hole I can't find and die. Everyone will be better off with out me any way .

hello and welcome to PC.

i hope this forum will help you find some suggestions to make life a little more bearable for you

hugs

[Fuzzybear]

[Fizzyo]

Hello and welcome justdonewithlife,

I'm so sorry everything seems so hopeless and you feel unwanted and burdensome.
That hurts so much and it's not your fault.

This is a great place to find like minded people who care and have learned ways to cope with extreme mental pain. The best way to find them is to post as much as you can wherever you feel might be relevant. The more active you are, the more likely the 'best' people are to find you (and you them).

Once you have 5 posts you can use the chat rooms and there are facilitated chats on both anxiety and depression with sensitive facilitators.

People here have helped me through some dark times and I hope you get as much encouragement from this community as I have!

[LostIntrovert]

Hi justdonewithlife,

I'm sorry things seem so hopeless right now.

I'm also a shy person who tends to worry and stress about everything so I understand a lot of what you're saying. Relationships terrify me too. My dating life has been nonexistent for quite a while now and I've never had a relationship that lasted more than a year.

You say you have tried different types of medication. Have you ever seen a therapist? (You refer to lots of doctors, but not sure if those are therapists or psychiatrists)