Want to apologize to those who know me on here

I feel like I've been so quiet and ignorant the last year or so, not really responding to personal PMs or visitor messages and hardly posting on the board. Last year and a half has been a bit of a roller coaster, 6 months of which (broken up into 3 admissions) has been in hospital.

Been so unsure of who I am or what the future holds that essentially I started to close down (a kind of defense mechanism I guess).

Last week, I got some closure on one of the root problems; whether or not I had a specific dx (in addition to depression and gad) - Aspergers.

For the last 2 years, I have been waiting on the NHS (British health service) for this dx... and during that time, other p-docs have treated me in hospital under the assumption that it was a personality disorder (specifically borderline... mainly based on the issue that I self harmed).

Well, it turns out that yes, I do have Aspergers... a bit of a revelation to me as I was staying cautiously skeptical until confirmation... and as such, it has given me the closure I was hoping for... a sort of foundation rock to accept and move on from.

Still got a lot of self growth to develop as to this point I guess I was doing my best to play act 'not' being on the autistic spectrum... because I didn't know I was... and more to the point, I didn't know what was wrong with me (social awkwardness, confusion surrounding emotion in myself and others etc).

With that closure, and a bit more certainty in dealing with my own issues, it has given me the courage to start posting again and hopefully be supportive of others (outside of my usual staff role).

So yeah, sorry in general... and sorry to the handful of members who have gone above and beyond in being there for me

I can say with some certainty, that the last line of my signature is accurate; I'm back

Good to see you TJ. i have been gone a long time. I needed to get away from PC because of my own issues. It's good to be back.

Oh this is Zinco. I changed my username. Just wanted to say hi is all.

Hi TJ,
Good to see you!!!!!!!

((((((((( TJ )))))))))
You're kind and thoughtful, I've never doubted this
Welcome back
(What you say about the "social awkwardness" (and sometimes difficulty correctly reading others (and own?) emotions) etc I wonder if I too may have this dx which has not been dxd but I've never been "into" labels )

I'm glad that both TJ and Zinco are back.

Yeah! I am glad that Zinco is back, as well!

Hi TJ,

WELCOME BACK!!!!!

I see no need for you to be apologising at all, afterall YOU were having a really difficult time.
And I, for one, am just really glad you've made it to this stage where things are different but better
I know things must have been really difficult for you without any "answers", despite the involvement of so many professionals, yet knowing there was definitely "something". So please don't be tough on yourself
And now.........maybe not only closure.........but a springboard to move onwards and upwards from??
I'd say that, if it isn't happening already, some things are going to be making a lot more sense to you, and some of those conflicting thoughts about your experiences/feelings might start to resolve a bit. And you can learn to work with/and around the diagnosis, maybe accommodating for it more even, instead of against/in battle with "something".........if that makes sense???
Lot's of strategies people can utilize with managing some of the effects of Aspergers , and you've taken the massive leap of knowing, accepting the diagnosis, and looking to use it to move on!!
So TJ, to me things may not be easy (may be hard at times), but they are looking much more positive and I'm so glad for you
Another big.........WELCOME BACK!!!!



Alison

Hey welcome back.

I'm not around much because I am really busy with a new job.

Sorry that you had such a tough time getting the right diagnosis. I spent a rough spell last summer with p docs using borderline traits as a reason not to treat me. It makes me so mad.

Hoping you now get access to the services you need (assuming that there are services in your area).

Good to see Zinco back too.

Ugh haven't been there but can quite imagine how it happens, wrongly, for so many
(Other "excuses" were used with me )
How strange, you're in the UK too

Welcome back zinco

Good to see you back! I hope things have improved for you.

You may be "back", but since your joining PC you've never been far from our thoughts.

Welcome back!