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  #1  
Old Feb 23, 2016, 05:45 PM
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ToeJam ToeJam is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: UK
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I feel like I've been so quiet and ignorant the last year or so, not really responding to personal PMs or visitor messages and hardly posting on the board. Last year and a half has been a bit of a roller coaster, 6 months of which (broken up into 3 admissions) has been in hospital.

Been so unsure of who I am or what the future holds that essentially I started to close down (a kind of defense mechanism I guess).

Last week, I got some closure on one of the root problems; whether or not I had a specific dx (in addition to depression and gad) - Aspergers.

For the last 2 years, I have been waiting on the NHS (British health service) for this dx... and during that time, other p-docs have treated me in hospital under the assumption that it was a personality disorder (specifically borderline... mainly based on the issue that I self harmed).

Well, it turns out that yes, I do have Aspergers... a bit of a revelation to me as I was staying cautiously skeptical until confirmation... and as such, it has given me the closure I was hoping for... a sort of foundation rock to accept and move on from.

Still got a lot of self growth to develop as to this point I guess I was doing my best to play act 'not' being on the autistic spectrum... because I didn't know I was... and more to the point, I didn't know what was wrong with me (social awkwardness, confusion surrounding emotion in myself and others etc).

With that closure, and a bit more certainty in dealing with my own issues, it has given me the courage to start posting again and hopefully be supportive of others (outside of my usual staff role).

So yeah, sorry in general... and sorry to the handful of members who have gone above and beyond in being there for me

I can say with some certainty, that the last line of my signature is accurate; I'm back
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Want to apologize to those who know me on here

Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK
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  #2  
Old Feb 23, 2016, 07:14 PM
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Altered Moment Altered Moment is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,481
Good to see you TJ. i have been gone a long time. I needed to get away from PC because of my own issues. It's good to be back.
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The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman

Major Depressive Disorder
Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun.
Recovering Alcoholic and Addict
Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide.

Male, 50

Fetzima 80mg
Lamictal 100mg
Remeron 30mg for sleep
Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back
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  #3  
Old Feb 23, 2016, 07:16 PM
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Altered Moment Altered Moment is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: Michigan
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Oh this is Zinco. I changed my username. Just wanted to say hi is all.
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The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman

Major Depressive Disorder
Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun.
Recovering Alcoholic and Addict
Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide.

Male, 50

Fetzima 80mg
Lamictal 100mg
Remeron 30mg for sleep
Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back
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Thanks for this!
BBB2, shezbut, TheOriginalMe, ToeJam
  #4  
Old Feb 23, 2016, 07:21 PM
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Clara22 Clara22 is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2013
Posts: 2,188
Hi TJ,
Good to see you!!!!!!!
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Clara
Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel
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  #5  
Old Feb 24, 2016, 02:17 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,639
((((((((( TJ )))))))))
You're kind and thoughtful, I've never doubted this
Welcome back
(What you say about the "social awkwardness" (and sometimes difficulty correctly reading others (and own?) emotions) etc I wonder if I too may have this dx which has not been dxd but I've never been "into" labels )
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  #6  
Old Feb 24, 2016, 05:15 PM
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BBB2 BBB2 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 195
I'm glad that both TJ and Zinco are back.
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  #7  
Old Feb 24, 2016, 08:40 PM
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Clara22 Clara22 is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2013
Posts: 2,188
Yeah! I am glad that Zinco is back, as well!
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Clara
Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel
Thanks for this!
ToeJam
  #8  
Old Feb 25, 2016, 02:39 PM
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Frankbtl Frankbtl is offline
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Member Since: May 2013
Posts: 2,804
Hi TJ,

WELCOME BACK!!!!!

I see no need for you to be apologising at all, afterall YOU were having a really difficult time.
And I, for one, am just really glad you've made it to this stage where things are different but better
I know things must have been really difficult for you without any "answers", despite the involvement of so many professionals, yet knowing there was definitely "something". So please don't be tough on yourself
And now.........maybe not only closure.........but a springboard to move onwards and upwards from??
I'd say that, if it isn't happening already, some things are going to be making a lot more sense to you, and some of those conflicting thoughts about your experiences/feelings might start to resolve a bit. And you can learn to work with/and around the diagnosis, maybe accommodating for it more even, instead of against/in battle with "something".........if that makes sense???
Lot's of strategies people can utilize with managing some of the effects of Aspergers , and you've taken the massive leap of knowing, accepting the diagnosis, and looking to use it to move on!!
So TJ, to me things may not be easy (may be hard at times), but they are looking much more positive and I'm so glad for you
Another big.........WELCOME BACK!!!!



Alison
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  #9  
Old Feb 25, 2016, 05:40 PM
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TheOriginalMe TheOriginalMe is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 16,097
Hey welcome back.

I'm not around much because I am really busy with a new job.

Sorry that you had such a tough time getting the right diagnosis. I spent a rough spell last summer with p docs using borderline traits as a reason not to treat me. It makes me so mad.

Hoping you now get access to the services you need (assuming that there are services in your area).

Good to see Zinco back too.
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  #10  
Old Feb 25, 2016, 05:53 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,639
Ugh haven't been there but can quite imagine how it happens, wrongly, for so many
(Other "excuses" were used with me )
How strange, you're in the UK too

Welcome back zinco

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe View Post
Hey welcome back.

I'm not around much because I am really busy with a new job.

Sorry that you had such a tough time getting the right diagnosis. I spent a rough spell last summer with p docs using borderline traits as a reason not to treat me. It makes me so mad.

Hoping you now get access to the services you need (assuming that there are services in your area).

Good to see Zinco back too.
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  #11  
Old Feb 26, 2016, 09:58 AM
Anonymous37901
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Good to see you back! I hope things have improved for you.
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  #12  
Old Feb 26, 2016, 11:47 AM
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Rohag Rohag is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2009
Posts: 10,045
You may be "back", but since your joining PC you've never been far from our thoughts.
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My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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  #13  
Old Feb 27, 2016, 05:23 AM
Anonymous40413
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Welcome back!
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