Its back (about family life)

Everything is back...my old life is back. The name calling, the guilt, the expectations, the screaming, the drinking. I am a stupid person for trusting....forgive me, I never trusted them, but at the same time i wondered if it would get better. Nope. I got my answer on that one. I cannot do my normal "coping mechanisms" because I am going for job interviews in the next week or so. I remember at my old job, this one interview lady checked our backs for sculiosis....i was lucky she didnt see the rest of me. If I get an interview at the hospital my stepfather works at. I will be screwed and with no job...and probably wont even let me go home...since im there throw me in the psych ward....and give my stepfather a bad name...(dont mean to offend anyone but thats how they think here) Im all alone.....being emotionally and mentally abused again.....im just waiting for the physical. How come God didnt stop this? Am I really such a bad person. First I lose the love of my life then I lose my home, then I am brought all the way back to people who abuse me and hate me. Come on, sometimes a person just needs a break. How about a break??? Please....im begging.......no more...white flag of surrender...see I surrender...isnt that what everyone wants to see? I give up...they win......just dont let this go on anymore.

I know what you mean Inny, enough is enough. Wish i could snap my fingers and make your world perfect.

((((((Inny)))))))))))

((((Inny))) I'm sorry to hear things are so rough for you. We often do not know what God has for us, nor why he would allow bad things to happen to good people. Mind your thoughts friend, as you are catastrophizing a tad I think? I know and believe that you are feeling like nothing will ever work out good for you, but you simply must draw from your friends here at PC and maintain that things can change. Look at how smart you have become about these people! While you can't change them, nor how they "are" YOU have changed in that you won't allow yourself to become as them. That's a good thing. I hope your situation changes sooner rather than later, but it will change. Rest in God and pull back away from the current situation if you can... work at not thinking the worst. Try to think of what would be ideal, and then work from there to find something towards that goal. Good wishes!

((((((((((((((((inny))))))))))))))))))))))

Baby I am so sorry things haven't changed.....please keep safe and try to do the best you can, maybe when you have a job you could sahre a house with people your age or rent somewhere? Please try not to let them get you down although I know it's easy for me to say....

Know we are here for you, Love you sweetie, Jin xxxxx

You have this PC family now though, too. We count for something in the scale. You can't step into the same place in the river, it's not quite the old life, just feels like it. Find the different places and exploit/expand those.

I'm praying for you. You also might be able to rent a room somewhere. Some churches have bulletin boards for this.

(((inny)) so sorry u are going through this right now.