another phone call.... more demands....

now my daughter wants me to watch my 3 and 6 years old grandkids tomorrow evening. This as well as attending a visitation for a friend on Friday pm and funeral on Saturday plus taking my folks grocery shopping on Saturday after the funeral.... when does it stop? When does somebody realize that my heart is breaking, I'm so tired of this fight.... the feelings of worthlessness, the hopelessness..... the alcoholism.... I long to be free... I feel so alone. I want to curl up and cry. I hurt so badly right now.. I feel like the depression is going to win. I'm so lost and alone.

Hello guiltier65: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I came to the conclusion some time ago that those around us really don't really care about our problems or our suffering. They just want us to be the people they want us to be. In my case, I've lived everyone else's idea of who I ought to be for so long I don't even know who or what I would be if I were to decide to be myself... not that I have any plans to try. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that, in some way, you will be able to find deep peace within...

Hi Guilier. People may try to understand but sometimes they just can't imagine why we can't just put it aside like they would put aside a broken leg or needing to take a pet or family member for urgent care because I'm sure that's what they would do.

We here understand.

The people around you may make you feel like you are not alone but you are not alone. We are here and we understand and share your frustration and pain and grief. Hope ou can use that as a lifeline until you can find a path toward some better wellness for yourself/

It's OK to say 'no' once in a while, or even more often. You have to balance what is right for you, too.

I do know how you feel - sorry you're feeling so low.

received a phone call from my dad this am that he needed to take a trip to the ER for a possible bowel obstruction. I am at work because there is no one to cover my clinic while my husband sits in the ER with my folks. I feel so torn. I'm a lousy daughter because i'm not with him at the hospital or i'm a lousy school nurse because i'm not at work in my clinic. it is all so hopeless.

May I suggest a different conversation with yourself? Your father is being helped. Period. Not only that, he is being helped by family - your mother and you husband. Not only that, he is under active medical care. Not only that, he is not suffering from heart failure and dying today. Not only that, bowel obstructions are wholly preventable and hopefully this grown man will take full responsibility for such preventable health problems in the future, and not require all other adults in his life to go through a day of major upheaval (harsh, I know, but putting this into blunt perspective, which usu works for me personally.)

You are not failing anyone. Chill, it's under control. Yay!

Thank you , I really needed to hear that reminder that i'm not responsible for fixing the entire world's problems.

Hi guiltier,

You're not a lousy anything
No-one can be in two places at once, or be everything to everybody
Right now you have commitments you need to take care of, and your dad has support. They can call you from the hospital if they need to, and I'm sure if it turned out you were needed there you'd talk to someone at the school and tell them you couldn't stay
And just remember, all that's really important is that your dad is where he needs to be and should be in good hands.

As for the rest..........I 1001% agree that you need to put yourself first at times, and if you need to say "No" then it should be respected by anyone who cares about you........the one's who show that they don't care about you.........well why worry about them so much??!!
But time for the one's who care to do a bit more for you, I'd say, if maybe you could let them know a bit (more??) about how you're feeling

Alison