I've had a disappointment which has set me back, which in hindsight is a fairly stupid thing to be this upset over. But the hurt, anger, and frustration I am feeling about this disappointment has bled over into other aspects of my life.

A week ago, I was very happy. I've been pretty positive and even-keeled for months, but I was walking on cloud 9 the last few weeks. And then I crashed. And it's like...the thoughts just come in and are so insidious. At first it was just confined to the initial disappointment, and I was able to keep them confined and able to keep perspective about the rest of my life, and keep it positive. But now, I feel like a complete failure. I didn't eat for two days because I just wasn't hungry (I just ordered some pizza though...it was delicious). I canceled plans I had with people this week because I don't feel like being "up." I have been trying very hard to keep my brain focused on something other than spiraling, but it's not working very well. And I'm starting to remember all of the conflicts I've had with people at work, at school (though I've been graduated for 5 months), with my family...I'm thinking about how I'm not an easy person to get along with and more people tend to dislike me than like me. I'm thinking about stupid things I said literally 20 years ago. It's like little boxes of crap are opening up in my head faster than I can stop them.

Anyway. That's all. I'm trying really hard not to be self-destructive. I'm not going to do anything, it's more about my thoughts and using this forum to distract myself from where they'll take me.

[Fizzyo]

http://www.wired.com/wp-content/uplo...10/cathug.jpg:

I hope the link works, I can't import a picture.

Originally Posted by Fizzyo

http://www.wired.com/wp-content/uplo...10/cathug.jpg:

I hope the link works, I can't import a picture.

It doesn't work, but thank you for trying to place a picture all the same.

[Fizzyo]

Sorry about that, perhaps I should stick to the smilies.

Sending what I can in terms of positive thoughts, well done staying safe and being constructive

[Fuzzybear]

[hsalmon21]

Oh my god I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I've been feeling good for a full month now and I was so excited today because this was the longest stretch that i have had in almost two years. And then as I'm leaving for work, Three different cars almost crash into me out of plain stupidity, then I can't remember what I needed from the grocery, and while working out I discovered my recurring knee problem was back.
I was trying so so hard to stay positive just like you are. And I was actually doing okay and then when I got home I was like "I made it!" and I was proud. I texted my boyfriend in hopes of sharing that with him but all he did was talk about his day and never asked about mine, even after saying "Today was really testing me and I'm so tired".
I know I shouldn't look for validation and just be proud of myself but omg I just started crying because I feel like a failure again and honestly, I've been on the brink of feeling bad again for the past week and I wasn't sure for how much longer I would be able to keep up this happy stretch for anyway

Originally Posted by hsalmon21

Oh my god I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I've been feeling good for a full month now and I was so excited today because this was the longest stretch that i have had in almost two years. And then as I'm leaving for work, Three different cars almost crash into me out of plain stupidity, then I can't remember what I needed from the grocery, and while working out I discovered my recurring knee problem was back.
I was trying so so hard to stay positive just like you are. And I was actually doing okay and then when I got home I was like "I made it!" and I was proud. I texted my boyfriend in hopes of sharing that with him but all he did was talk about his day and never asked about mine, even after saying "Today was really testing me and I'm so tired".
I know I shouldn't look for validation and just be proud of myself but omg I just started crying because I feel like a failure again and honestly, I've been on the brink of feeling bad again for the past week and I wasn't sure for how much longer I would be able to keep up this happy stretch for anyway

Aw, man. I'm sorry you're feeling badly as well! As far as the boyfriend goes, try not to take it personally...I have lots of days where I don't think beyond the tip of my own nose. People could hint all they want and I'm just too obtuse/wrapped up in my own stuff to pick up on it. I'm pretty sure he didn't mean to blow you off. At the same time, maybe he just felt he wasn't able, in his emotional state, to give you the emotional validation you needed or that he felt you deserved. I've felt that way with people before.

I know I posted this in a bad mood but I'm feeling alright. In fact, today I'm great! It was in the mid-60's today and I started some light spring cleaning (just purging/throwing lots of crap around the house--4 bags full!), plus I cooked myself a nice, healthy dinner. So I feel productive. There are set-backs and bad days, but it doesn't mean we're failures. That's just normal life.

[dexter]

Originally Posted by Fizzyo

http://www.wired.com/wp-content/uplo...10/cathug.jpg:

I hope the link works, I can't import a picture.

[dexter]

Thank you Fizzyo this did good for me too

{{{{{Fizzyo}}}}}

[dexter]

Ruari I could have written the exact same thing. Set off by a disappointment that has now taken over my whole life and is threatening my job security because the depression bolsters the negativity of it and has it running rampant over all parts of my brain and yes digging up crap from my past and using that to cause more pain. Not participating with others because if i pretend to be "up" I'll pay for it in pain and suffering many times over when I'm alone afterward. Lashing out in anger at those who just want to help.

Hope you can hang in there, I'm trying.

Awww, the kittens are super cute! Thanks!

Dexter, I'm doing really well, thank you. It was a set-back of only a few days, thankfully. I tend to use PC as an outlet so I don't completely overwhelm the people in my life.

I'm really sorry to hear you are not doing well. What is it that you feel would help things for you?