[elevatedsoul]

today i have been in and out... i've felt numb but all of a sudden almost burst into tears at a triggers notice... then i go out of it again...

not sure how to explain the in and out... just like my problems, everything i amd disturbed by... everything that hurts me... disappears...

writing this now im, having to close my eyes and squint and ... just to focus and try to bring it out, i dunno whats going on - its weird but im fine i think...

its not really a bad thing maybe? im not crying all day today... but i feel so disconnected...
and i cant think very clearly... atleast about these things, things bothering me ... i dunno ...

im just wondering if you guys have conflicting days too.. where your mind seems to be like... urghh how do i explain it...
in and out... thats all i can think.... im disconnected

im not happy, but i cant feel anything... just disconnected... i dunno how to say it.. do you guys go through this..? my brain keeps freezing, i hope this post is coherent... i mean i have these moments where i feel it... i cant explain it... its making me dizzy trying to think about it.. like falling out of my body... it im going to try to chill for a minute...

the whole day is gone ... can't believe its 11:40pm already...

[elevatedsoul]

im NOT using any substances today either - although it feels like it a bit...
i have been sober for atleast a week, probably 2

[Skeezyks]

Hello elevatedsoul: It's been a few days now since you posted this... hope you're feeling better!

[elevatedsoul]

thanks... i kind of feel like this alot
when ever i get a new pdoc / therapist im going to try to talk about it and hopefully get an answer to whats going on...

i was reading about dissociation... and depersonalization disorder...
cause it seems to be a constant in and out for me... i just used to be high and drunk all the time when i was younger... so now that im sober more often now i can really feel things more... well ... not feel, but see...

some might say the drugs and alcohol maybe messed my mind up... but the truth is i've been doing this since i was really young... just started getting intoxicated at 13 yearsold to try to cope i guess... but trying to get sober more now... i just hard to see a reason to be sober when you hurt alot ya know...

but its ok... im used to it...

thanks for caring

[dexter]

I feel like this a lot too... I do think for me it is on days when I am in a constant struggle to keep myself above water. Some days I give in to it and I'm in bed all day and some days I manage to keep myself afloat but many days I'm right on the edge and I go in and out just like you describe... Crying jags, bits of productivity, short spurts of focus. Today has been like that... I was on a hotline earlier then suddenly felt better and ended up taking a nap. Then amazingly actually got a bit of work done this evening.

(((hugs))) I understand what you are saying i have felt this twice, it does pass. In the meantime you feel like you want to crawl out of your own skin. Like everyone you talk to doesn't know what you are saying, almost like you are invisible to them. Just chill, do something calming and relax. It will pass. I think personally it is the mind trying to catch up with the soul and when that happens you mentally are processing things still while trying to be present to be around others. You have to catch up to yourself. I hope this helps, tc