so yesterday i told someone at random i was suicidal, (it happens to me all the time, i get to talk about stuff and it always comes back to suicide)

anyway, this person really made me feel like i just told a brick wall- she just laughed and told me their is a lot to live for, and i'm sick of hearing that

if i yhad family and a reason to get up in the mornings, but this is me we're talking about- no one actually cares about me or wants to understand

(i'm also sorry about the trigger thing, my memory's hit a blank and i need to find the thread to refresh myself on it)

Those of us who visit this forum know that SI is real! It's not a laughing matter! I'm sorry your not getting the support you deserve. Are you feeling suicidal this this morning? Please tell me more. I want to know how you are doing right now. Myst

Originally Posted by Mysterious153

Those of us who visit this forum know that SI is real! It's not a laughing matter! I'm sorry your not getting the support you deserve. Are you feeling suicidal this this morning? Please tell me more. I want to know how you are doing right now. Myst

maybe it's just that i don't deserve helpp

the mental health system always fails me, and maybe it was meant to... you know what i mean?

i am not suicidal currently- just very very anxious. i've been having a really bad anxiety episode since sunday, and i've been unable to leave my room or anything.

Dear Shattered Sanity,
Accepting help is our best hope when it comes to keeping our depression at bay. Keep reaching out.
Mental Healthcare doctors, nurses, etc. are not all created equal. They are fallible like us. Some care, some don't. Some are exceptionally talented, some average, some bungling, etc. Anything they tell you, you have to take with a grain of salt. Sometimes we can sense intuitively if they care. The ones that care are worth their weight in gold. Reach out to other providers, maybe you will eventually stumble across a good one.
I'm sorry your anxious. Do you like the sunshine? Is there anyway you can force yourself to go outside and peak at the sunrise? What do you think about when you are anxious? My therapist recommends that I write it down. Sometimes when I read what I have written, the worry seems a lot more minor. Yes, I know that fear feeling is still there. Some of us don't have to watch horror movies to experience it (just think, some people love horror movies, weird).
I know you are still feeling anxious. Think of it as a wave. Hopefully you are at the crest. Think of how great it will feel on the ride down. It will be less intense at that point.
I truly hope you'll be able to leave your room! Being cooped up maybe intensifying your feelings.
Myst

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

maybe it's just that i don't deserve helpp

the mental health system always fails me, and maybe it was meant to... you know what i mean?

i am not suicidal currently- just very very anxious. i've been having a really bad anxiety episode since sunday, and i've been unable to leave my room or anything.

I know what you mean about being failed by the mental health system...

i hope things look up for you soon

[adam_k]

I'm sorry you had this experience. Some people don't know how to respond. They may have thought it was so off to the left that you were trying to be funny. Unfortunately people joke about suicide a lot and it isn't funny to those of us who struggle. I admit I even joke about it because it is dark and helps relieve tension. I use comedy to cope sometimes. To the people that really know me, they understand it, they laugh at the joke I make but also know the truth and please of pain that it comes from.

It's good the suicidal ideation has faded some for you.

Your pain is real and deep. People may not understand or acknowledge it but that doesn't mean it is invalid.

Psychiatric help is hard to find. It is a lot of places but it may not be help to the patient but a responsibility to keep someone Alice, safe from themselves and lacks any actual treatment. However I have had health care people in my life that have truly cared and helped me. Amy, the therapist I had as a teen made me feel safe and helped me cope with the horrendous depression that almost ended my life. Jennifer my most recent therapist taught me skills to help cope in a positive way. I may not use them often but I know they are there and help me sort through the negative chatter that overwhelmes me.

Try to get help. You don't deserve to suffer and depression is an illness that robs happiness and yourself. No one deserves that and I believe there is someone out there that can improve the quality of your life. You matter and I know I would be sad to know your not with us tomorrow. I feel the pain of depression and I know it can be so consuming you don't see a way out but it can fade. Everything in your mind may say that it will last forever, your broken, and worthless, but it probably isn't true but depression taking over. The episode can end and for most if you hang in Ling enough it does end.

[Fuzzybear]

really intense suicidal feelings this afternoon.

yay..

not?

[Fuzzybear]

I'm with you

I wish there was a bus that could take those of us who want to exit....
(Who have tried "everything" )

[dillpickle1983]

I'm with both of you. Today I almost took a vacation to the local pysch ward. But I managed to turn my crappy suicidal, psychotic day into something decent.

Originally Posted by HalloweenSkye

I know what you mean about being failed by the mental health system...

i hope things look up for you soon

thanks halloween skies.

as i say.. i think it's just what life wanted for me- some people are born and are given all the luck, all the support, everything they need in the world- some people are born on to this earth just to be made fun of and shut out by others.

i think that's what life wanted for me.. for me to be shut out and hurt