[sinking]

It seems its my only friend right now.
with these new meds Leponex (ap) i stay and would like to stay all the time in bed in a semi consciousl state level. where nothing matters.
every now and then my brain gets active and thinks im a total failure and should get up and do something about it. i force myself to sit on the bed and then decide its too much and fall back again.
i still get to get up to eat, wash and go to some sort of job, but i do nothing else, ever.
oh well. there's therapy too but i dont feel its helping at all and i feel so guilty for my parents paying therapy, because io still live with them, have no friends, no much money, nothing. just my bed...

please, shout at me, say im stupid pathetic and a total failure. maybe it will work. i cant go on like this.

[cryingontheinside]

Shouting at you is the last thing you need or deserve. You need the opppsit , love and kind words . try to love your self, love your inner child and comfort her/ him while you are in bed . hopefully you will feel better and get some motivation and get out of bed to do something . I've been a slave to my bed many times. Don't beat yourself up about it. Do you have any interests or hobbies , things you might want to give a try and get out of bed for ?

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[Fuzzybear]

[sinking]

My bed is my sweet prison

[elevatedsoul]

i feel you.... is there something you can do in bed...? maybe a good book you really love...
the only reason i fall out of bed is because my body starts to hurt from laying down too long... although my body hurts anyway, it just feels better to sit in my computer chair and lean back

i dont have any friends either...

and im not going to yell at you because i yell at myself so much i dont have the energy to, but yelling doesnt help... you aren't stupid either... you're just hurting...
im sorry you are hurting...

we' have to try to support each other... i mean i try to support people here because it helps me feel something, not really better, but something other than crying in misery alone...

i care about you and wish there was some way i could take it all aaway

[Serzen]

Sorry... I hope you can relearn to appreciate the greatness of life soon.

Hey Sinking: So frustrating for you I am sure. A couple of weeks ago you were in despair and sought help. The help you received seems to have created a new set of problems. Are you able to research on-line this med they prescribed? Perhaps a side-effect is fatigue or worsening depression and you don't want that. Some meds can relieve the symptoms you described when we first chatted but lack a particular chemical which causes the fatigue and depression. Sometimes you have to go into a doctor's office prepared to discuss all available options. I have had battles about SSRI's with docs because I educated my self by reading the pharmacology and experiences of users. Some experiences are good but at my age I am quite familiar with my body.

Although I can advocate for myself quite eloquently I still struggle with the same issue. Day by day I lose interest in things and only look forward to 'sleep' time which requires 10 mg Ambien and a couple of hours later .25 mg of Xanax. Even being aware of what .50 mg Xanax will do to me at mid-day doesn't prevent me from taking it because I know it will slow my head and body down and get a bit of sleep. Without it I sit and stare and the PC screen with the mute on and analyze everything about myself. Always trying to defend a particular decision that in all reality should not have to be defended. Fifty-nine and no future. Hopeless. Therapist last week was glad I was stepping outside my boundaries by developing an on-line pal but, this 6 month long friendship has to end. It's empty now. Is it me? He's ok but he's stagnant. I cannot pretend to be interested anymore, it's gone. Just like seeking work or an activity outside the apartment; I see no purpose.

See what you can learn about the med. I know you have minimal support around you but, you are still a young lady. It breaks my heart when a sensitive caring soul cannot break the chains of emotional slavery. So many folks here are in pain. God, I'm at a loss for words. You take care and hold onto the life ring. Regards M. Poirot

elevatedsoul : Your words are very kind. I hope she takes you up on it.

Regards, M. Poirot

[Fizzyo]

(((((((sinking)))))))
Hugs and love to enclose a hurting person. ❤️

[Fuzzybear]

[stewartmays1]

well i know how you feel i just sleep all the time it sucks

[emijec]

k understand.. the bed is the escape you think about when you work and when you're in bed m, it's your prison bc you should be out there enjoying life.

[sinking]

yes, my bed is my escape and my prison too. its still like that. im tired. at work now and cant wait to go lay down in bed. and... i feel pathetic.

[Fizzyo]

Originally Posted by sinking

yes, my bed is my escape and my prison too. its still like that. im tired. at work now and cant wait to go lay down in bed. and... i feel pathetic.

You're not pathetic, it takes a lot of energy to go to work when you are only starting to recover so it's no wonder you get tired.

I'm proud of you for getting out of your bed every time you go to work. No one knows how hard you have to work to do that.

Kudos Sinking