Ugh.

Getting so frustrated. I just want to wake up every day and have the motivation to live life and not feel like the world is dragging me around every minute of every day. I can't remember the last time life seemed good. I can't remember the last time I wanted to get out of bed every day.

I don't know what my problem is. I've done every single thing I'm supposed to do...therapists, drugs, doctors, exercise, healthy food, enough sleep, etc, etc, etc. My life is better than it was a year or two or three years ago, but the improvement moves at a snail's pace and I'm still severely depressed according to every quiz I ever take.

For the first time in years, good things seem to be happening to me. But, it doesn't help. Now I just look at the opportunities that have come my way recently, and wonder why I feel so hopeless.

I want to do stuff. I have goals and lists and things I know I need to do...and want to do. But, I seem to have enough energy to do one thing a day and that's all. I went to see my therapist today. And that's the only productive thing I've done or will do today. I don't even feel like I have enough energy to get up and shower even though I need to.

But, all I can do is stare at this screen or lie down and nap in front of the tv which I'm not even really interested in watching..it's just on to provide the illusion that I'm doing something.

I don't know if I'm depressed because I'm always tired or if I'm always tired because I'm depressed. All I know is it's a struggle to do *anything* no matter how small. I'm in my early 30's now, and the last time I remember feeling good/human/alive for more than a day or two here and there was about 12 years ago. I feel like I'm still 22 because I've lost every year in between to depression or anxiety or whatever this is that has wrecked my entire adult life.

I completely relate to everything you said (((( sad hugs ))))

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You've mentioned taking thyroid medication, yes? According to my pdoc and other doctors, both hypothyroidism and the medication to treat it can cause fatigue. Add antidepressants to the mix and...I don't know, but I'm always low energy. One or maybe two "things" a day is my limit, too.

What has your doctor said?

May those good things keep happening to you even if you cannot feel them the way you would like.

Oh boy, I'm feeling the same, but without the good things happening. Please reach out to me if you want to do some "brainstorming ".
Hugs

Thanks everyone. I've been trying a new med for seven days now, and I think it's making me more depressed rather than less. The last few days haven't been good. Left my dr a voicemail letting him know it was making me feel worse. I may just stick with Wellbutrin and nothing else. It's not really enough and I'm already at 300mg, but at least the side effects are minimal compared to everything else I've tried.

All i know is i can relate (((hugs))) and i hope you can just push through things, force yourself to do them and eventually the feelings will come... one foot in front of the other, one step at a time... blessings

Thanks. Yes, good memory! Slightly hypo and I'm on a low dose of thyroid meds. I actually noticed a very, very slight improvement in energy after I started the thyroid med...my levels are normal now that I'm taking it. So, I don't think that's the problem.

But, yes, so far every antidepressant I've tried other than Wellbutrin has made me take 4 hour "naps" in the middle of the day even after 7-8 hours of sleep.

The only thing I've ever actually felt good and alive and productive on is Vyvanse, but it was raising my heart rate way too high. Yet, I tried Adderall and it made me tired.

I'm not sure if my main problem is depression, anxiety, add, or something else. I've been diagnosed with all those plus chronic fatigue, but my weight is healthy, my heart is healthy, I've had a zillion blood tests, and I'm in my early 30's. Not sure why I feel like a 70 year old most of the time.

My observation and experience is that once you start adding problems the effects become exponential.
Good way to put it... It certainly rings true for me.

I relate.. ((( sad rainy hugs ))))

What you said about losing like 12 years to depression really speaks to me...

I feel like the last 8 years of my life have been lost to depression due to my work situation that I can't seem to get out of.

Thanks for the replies. The good news is, I stopped the new med (only been on it a week so not tapering), and felt almost back to my normal self today. Now, my normal self is on 300mg Wellbutrin daily and is still depressed and unmotivated and tired and anxious...not great, but at least much better than how the new med had been making me feel (like I was just going to start crying randomly for no reason at any given moment).

Seeing a new psychiatrist in a couple weeks. Hopefully they'll have an idea of something else I can add to my Wellbutrin that won't make me prohibitively tired or cause sexual dysfunction. Fingers crossed.