[sunbeem]

Just don't know what to do. I am so depressed I haven't been this bad in a long time. For no reason at all I canceled my therapy session, I know that was stupid and I still don't know why I did it.

[Frankbtl]

Hi sunbeem,

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time
I'd say that you had a VERY understandable reason for cancelling your session..........the weight of the depression, and maybe as well some of the thoughts it brought along, right??!!
Depression can hold you back, pull you down, cut you off, cut off opportunities/options SO MUCH so.
And please don't see it as stupid, that's just one step away from seeing yourself as stupid..........one of the many lies depression can tell you...........you were/are understandably struggling

And, yes, you're absolutely right, it might be good if you could get "to the place" where you're able to go.........maybe we could try to help you to getting "to that place", towards booking another appointment, towards being able to go??

So..........do you want to talk about it a bit.............maybe there's "stuff" that's triggering or not helping the way you're feeling............maybe there's some manageable goals we can set for you..........maybe it's changes in medication you need...........???

And if it is real hard, and there's no way right now you're going to make that therapy.........at least some other coping resources, hey??
Such as phoning hot/crisis lines, finding some coping strategies for now that might work for you/help you get "to that place".........talking to us about it a bit more...............

We're here for you sunbeem, you're not on your own

Alison

[sunbeem]

I will call my t soon. It's just that I don't want to be near people now. My hubby invited some of our neighbors over this afternoon and I told him to tell them I was sick in bed. I can't do that It's not fair to him. I just don't think I can talk much now. My past is coming back and running through my mind right now and it was not a good one. I guess I just have to pretend.

[dexter]

Hi sunbeem... IMO your own welfare is most important right now. If you think maybe in the end it might be OK to spend the day with the invited neighbors--maybe you'll feel better being around people--try it... But if you feel it will bring out bad feelings and/or that the stress of trying to pretend will make you feel worse afterward then I say (again my opinion) that protecting yourself by staying away with a gentle excuse is a perfect alternative. I don't know the situation with your husband but I hope he would understand and want to do what is best for you. If you can, talk to him about it.

For the longer term I think it is important to see your T. I don't have much to add to the excellent observations and advice that Frankbtl offered. It is understandable the desire to cancel a session, try to get back to "that place" where you are able to go, and rely on us here to try to help get you back to that place.

I detect a touch of Anxiety too.

Do you know the '5 Things' calming and distraction coping strategy? Think about the appearance of 5 things, the sound of five things, the taste of five things, the touch of 5 things and the smell of 5 things. This helps my own anxiety and on ocassion distracts me from my negative thoughts.

[sunbeem]

They just left it was ok.

[Frankbtl]

Hi sunbeem,

Really glad for you that it went OK
Let's call that an achievement in how you handled it, right??!!
And Dexter is absolutely right.........your own welfare is the most important right now..........so go at your own pace........go with what you can cope with
And your husband.........well it wouldn't be fair of him to expect you to do more than that, right??!! Which he might even be very well aware of anyway if he's understanding.
Maybe one way around things like this though..........if you felt you might have to explain your feelings more than you were comfortable with at the time to him..........could be having an agreement with him that he'll check with you prior to inviting people over as to whether you feel OK with this. And ultimately it is your home, your space too.......so it might be seen as respectful anyway.
I know that might not help with the other times things are hard, the rest of the time things hit you ..........but you do need to do what's right (or at least what might make things just a little easier) for you..........and that includes reaching out for support to your husband if you can..........to us........just reaching out when you need to........
And not forgetting..........well done again for the achievement!!!

[sunbeem]

My husband is really a great person but I he doesn't know what depression is he has never been depressed, Can you believe it? He is lucky. He would do almost anything I wanted him to do. Sorry I have to stop I have Parkinsons and I have to take my pills it's getting harder to write, but I wanted to thank you for all your advise.