[Rachelakabatman]

I am 21. I struggled with severe depression for a year. I actually was admitted in the hospital because it got so bad. I am now on 40mg of Prozac, and while it works wonders, I still struggle with my thoughts. I almost lost my friends to this. My family distanced themselves. I lost myself to this. When it got really bad I got desperate to do anything new. I needed a change. I applied and attended school. It gives my life meaning. I am done with this semester in two weeks. I am a certified dog groomer and I own a business out of my house but I don't keep that busy.... I am trying but I don't have a successful business, which makes me feel like a loser. I can't get another job because I have two vacations planned and paid for that I cant miss.
All of my friends have jobs and other friends. I have two friends and they are both so busy I will never see them. I feel like such a loser! Ugh!
I am afraid of summer break. I am afraid of old thoughts and habits coming back. Yes, I am on meds but I am afraid that wont be enough. I don't ever want to feel as hopeless as I did. I don't want to live my life in fear of relapse. Any thoughts? Advice?

I've been in therapy that chellenges my negative core beliefs about things and myself. I analyze my automatic thoughts and instinctive actions and strategize alternative positive ones instead. Thus far it has worked.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Rachelakabatman,

I'd say that you're recognising a reality, that no-one can guarantee depression won't return I'm afraid
But you know, maybe you could start by turning some of that recognition into an actual tool to help, because recognition can be really useful, and might actually help.........
You are already probably a lot more in control than you think in hopefully reducing the chance of it being so bad, or for so long............
You know it might happen, so you can be much more aware of the starter signs (although I know that sometimes it can come "from nowhere" full force.........sometimes not......) and maybe seek help before it "hits that point"'.........I mean sometimes there can be "smaller" signs" that people might otherwise "brush off" like changes in appetite or sleeping patterns, a little less motivation...........but now you know...........and maybe there are plans of strategies or support you could have in place for IF.............

And..........."I own a business out of my house but I don't keep that busy...." you know that might not actually be so bad right now, might be good, might actually be exactly what you need right now
A busy business can bring a lot of stress..........and perhaps you need a bit more time for "you", for some more recovery??? If you want "busier" in general though maybe there are some personal activities you could add to your "schedule"???
And just because the business isn't busy doesn't make it unsuccessful............make your own definition of "successful"!!!
It could for now be a very successful small business/startup project..........which could gradually lead to something bigger when/as you're ready.........it's just really impressive that you've found a way, on your own initiative, to put some of what you've learnt into practise with a view to really refining those skills!!!

And, you're right, maybe a bigger, better, more diverse social (or/and support.......) network might well help a bit...........I don't know whether you could start on developing some of those older or family relationships a bit more/again?? Or a few new activities you could try in networking??
But try to look forward to, and enjoy the vacations as well if that's a possibility, it definitely sounds like you've deserved some vacations!!!!

Alison

I don't have advice but I can offer a few thoughts. Depression is awful... no doubting that. But experiencing it can be an increible learning experience for some. You learn who your real friends are. You learn what real friendship is. You can learn what's really important in life. There are no guaranties in life. There's no way of knowing if you'll ever go through depression again... but there's no point in worrying over the possibility.
BTW nobody who is still trying is a loser.