[ab1018]

I am so depressed over my ex-boyfriend. He left me in late 2003 for another woman (wouldn't admit it at the time).

I was devastated, to say the least. I no longer wanted him back after say, about 2005.

He moved out of state to be with her, quit his job and everything. (And it was a very good job). I first found out about her because he came into town to introduce her to his parents. He took her to my hairdresser to get her hair done! I thought that was very low, but he proclaimed innocence.

Anyway, we kept in touch via email this whole time (bad idea). Every so often, he would add sexual innuendos to them, which I ignored.

Then, early last year, my father passed away unexpectedly. He owned a business in a very small town not too far from here. He had no will, so I had to auction everything off, including everything in the store, which is right on the Main Street in said town. A few months later (ex is still emailing me acting like he lives 2 states away), I am reading my dad's mail which was forwarded to my house. There is a newsletter from the Chamber of Commerce in the town he lived in, because he was a business owner. It has all of the town's real estate transactions in it. I'll be damned - the ex and his new WIFE bought a house there, and had actually been there since before my dad died.

I was livid, so I sent him a mean email telling him that I knew and that he should have said something to me. I know, what right did I have to be mad? It was just the way I felt. He never responded and hasn't since. But I did promise that I would never cause any kind of trouble or a scene.

Now, I run into an old friend who now lives in same small town. She tells me that she has run into ex and his lovely wife. Wife is a total skank. Total opposite of me - hard looking, wild, flirts with other men, a drunk, tattoos and piercings (nothing wrong with that, just the total opposite of me).

And, my old friend (probably didn't think she was doing harm) sends me his wife's MySpace page. She has taken no less than 300 pictures of herself, and blogs about how much he gets on her nerves. Flirting heavily with other men. Half of the pictures of verging on X rated. (pictures of tattoos on her boobs and butt). Going overseas by herself to get away from him.

AND, talks about her good friend, my old hairdresser! And about walking through their town and being friends with all of the shop owners. (Before I knew they lived there, I used to go back because it made me feel closer to my dad).

I feel like they have invaded everything of mine! First she got my man, then my hairdresser, now my dad's town (where I spent a lot of time). I'm so shook up that I had to leave work today. And I just started there 3 weeks ago. I cannot let this get to me like this - HELP!

P.S. I also have been doing some reading - I now think my ex is a serious narcisisstic personality disorder type, if that adds anything to the equation.

[Soidhonia]

Hello AB. I sincerely hope that you will get some professional help to help you to move on with your own life, since your ex obviously has some issues to work on himself, through the chices he has made for himself. I hope that you will seek professional therapy since there is so much help out there at this time when you feel like someone has violated you through deception such as your Ex has done to you. I look forward ingetting to know you better and welcome to Psych Central. Take care and good day. Soidhonia

[Direction]

I agree with Soidhonia...just would add that it sounds like you are spending a lot of time checking them out too...not sure who is invading whose space?

[ab1018]

Thanks - I realize that looking at her MySpace page certainly may have been invading her space. Can you really say you wouldn't have looked if someone had sent it to you?

Can I really help that I read my father's newsletter - I certainly wasn't expecting to find that!

I refuse to look at her webpage again because it isn't good for me.

Can I help that my hairdresser (ex that is) blurts out the minute I came in there that he brought his new woman in? I turned around and left, and when they tried to call me and gossip about it, I hung up on them.

So, no, do I really feel as though I have done wrong? No!

[ab1018]

And I really don't appreciate that. I have NEVER gone looking for them, nor did I want to find out anything about them.

[ab1018]

Thank you Soidhonia. I am going to try to find a new therapist for this, it's time to move on. I thought I was past it, but obviously I'm not. Maybe that is why everyone and God keeps putting it in my face, to deal with it.

Thanks again.

[Direction]

Sorry I upset you...just something to consider...sounds like in general you avoid it...No, I wouldn't have looked at the myspace stuff...knowing I really didn't need to have more informaton than I already had.

[dreamrunner]

ab1018,
I would have checked out the my space site too.Curiousity killed the cat.
I'd also be pissed even if it happened 4 years ago.
I agree with the others about letting go ........it would be ideal.

[ab1018]

It's so hard to get over. We were together almost 8 years. It takes a lot for me to fall in love, but when I do, I am committed to that person. I want to get over him, but I just cannot seem to.

I didn't want to know anything - ignorance is bliss. I guess over time people feel that you should know for some reason.

I was upset at him because he didn't bother to mention that he was married or living less than 20 miles away from me for over a year. He actually directly lied, in looking back (making references to where he supposedly lived).

He won't respond now that I called him on it. And it's for the best. I think staying in contact keeps some kind of hope alive for me.

[seeker1950]

Yes, by continuing to exchange emails with this man who hurt you, you are keeping some aspect of it alive, and this keeps you from moving on. He has "made his bed," and the woman he chose sounds like a real piece of work.
But that's HIS problem, and not yours.
BTW, I would have looked at the Myspace site too, just out of curiosity. Don't go there again, and don't email him again. Time for you!
Patty