confessions of little turtle

little turtle · Feb 13, 2018, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

My family would not talk about the mental illness. I'd ask grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc., "Is there any history of depression in the family?" The answer was always "no." Yet, I now know there was and nobody would talk about it. It was on both the maternal and paternal sides.

My father took his own life when I was 12 y.o. We weren't allowed to discuss it then and nobody mentions him now -- erased from history, but still in my broken heart.

WC

I am still thinking about what happened to you....and your father

little turtle · Feb 15, 2018, 12:27 PM

I have a mental illness....I have survived several years with a mental illness...

I am not a mental illness...I am little turtle....and I am now becoming PROUD that I have a mental illness and have coped with it...I am going to give myself a
MEDAL OF HONOR..and no one can take that away from me...sounds crazy but it feels good to be proud about being sick as hell....and still surviving...I also will give myself a fuzzy medal if she will let me...

Feb 15, 2018, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

I have a mental illness....I have survived several years with a mental illness...

I am not a mental illness...I am little turtle....and I am now becoming PROUD that I have a mental illness and have coped with it...I am going to give myself a
MEDAL OF HONOR..and no one can take that away from me...sounds crazy but it feels good to be proud about being sick as hell....and still surviving...I also will give myself a fuzzy medal if she will let me...

I am very proud of you

little turtle · Feb 16, 2018, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

I am very proud of you

what kindness...

little turtle · Feb 16, 2018, 09:08 AM

the school shooting....when I tell some of my so-called friends that I have a mental illness....some will attack...some will be scared...just what I need....they do not understand mental illness...and it is very complicated involving biologic and psychologic and social issues...but I am going to stand strong for they do not understand...they are angry and fearful....I also am angry and fearful

little turtle · 09:49 AM

i am angry at my government...I am angry at my church...especially the church...the church let me down...I wanted to help but they shot me down...I wasn't one of the insiders...many of the members are very judgmental....I need to get on the fuzzy bus..

I am also angry at my family...

katydid777 · 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

i am angry at my government...I am angry at my church...especially the church...the church let me down...I wanted to help but they shot me down...I wasn't one of the insiders...many of the members are very judgmental....I need to get on the fuzzy bus..

Unfortunately for most of us, especially in the medical field judgment is all they have to offer. If you are not a part of there click, than you are a outcast. (((((((HUGS Little Turtle)))))))

little turtle · Feb 17, 2018, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katydid777

Unfortunately for most of us, especially in the medical field judgment is all they have to offer. If you are not a part of there click, than you are a outcast. (((((((HUGS Little Turtle)))))))

yes yes...I am angry at the medical field and my family...maybe more...I am angry at all the people that have screwed me over....I was just being me..

Feb 19, 2018, 01:48 AM

I need an anti-depressant badly

little turtle · Feb 19, 2018, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

I need an anti-depressant badly

yes...what is going on

Wild Coyote · 09:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

I am still thinking about what happened to you....and your father

I tried to save him. I could not save him.

I was just a child. Nobody would listen. I knew he was going to do it.

I was 12 y.o. and this was the theme of my mid-winter school vacation that year... his threatening... my high anxiety and then trying to save him... his passing... his funeral... my devastation.

Today is the anniversary.

WC

Wild Coyote · Feb 19, 2018, 04:07 PM

It's a beautiful sunny day today, thankfully.

The bright sunshine really helps my mood.

I hope everyone is having a reasonably good day.

WC

Fuzzybear · Feb 19, 2018, 05:05 PM

(((((((((( Wild Coyote ))))))))))

little turtle · Feb 20, 2018, 09:28 AM

I NEVER FIT IN ANYTHING....maybe a DISFIT...I tried so hard to fit in everywhere...
and broke down trying...of course I wanted my psychiatrist to give some medicine...
very lonely...very lonely....and I never fit into psychiatry giving all those awful strong meds...I wanted to talk...but I didn't know how to talk about peoples most serious problems...things that they did that they felt guilty about...I really wanted to do this...but then I would have to face my own strangeness....I can do that now but I am closer to death and I don't want to go back into that SICK PSYCHIATRY SYSTEM..

psychiatry is very sick...the patient is the last person cared for....the stronger make a very good living off of our illness..sorry for this rant but I am angry about the way we are being treated...

little turtle · Feb 20, 2018, 09:40 AM

people around me want me to be something different....I just want to be me with my mental illness and my sensitivity and my shyness and my taking everything serious...I just want to be me...I don't want to change ME...

Feb 20, 2018, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

yes...what is going on

The depression and anxiety are not going away. I spoke to my pdoc last week and he said they would go away on their own. But they haven't and I feel so uncomfortable all the time. Though I m happy about the other perspective of my life - my relationship with my bf, I m not being able to enjoy it coz of the depression and anxiety. I guess I'll call my pdoc after another 4-5 days and tell him again about the depression and anxiety.

little turtle · Feb 20, 2018, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

The depression and anxiety are not going away. I spoke to my pdoc last week and he said they would go away on their own. But they haven't and I feel so uncomfortable all the time. Though I m happy about the other perspective of my life - my relationship with my bf, I m not being able to enjoy it coz of the depression and anxiety. I guess I'll call my pdoc after another 4-5 days and tell him again about the depression and anxiety.

how are your health habits coming along right now...please try to be patient with yourself...

Wild Coyote · Feb 20, 2018, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

I NEVER FIT IN ANYTHING....maybe a DISFIT...I tried so hard to fit in everywhere...
and broke down trying...of course I wanted my psychiatrist to give some medicine...
very lonely...very lonely....and I never fit into psychiatry giving all those awful strong meds...I wanted to talk...but I didn't know how to talk about peoples most serious problems...things that they did that they felt guilty about...I really wanted to do this...but then I would have to face my own strangeness....I can do that now but I am closer to death and I don't want to go back into that SICK PSYCHIATRY SYSTEM..

psychiatry is very sick...the patient is the last person cared for....the stronger make a very good living off of our illness..sorry for this rant but I am angry about the way we are being treated...

I have been treated very well.

I know many have had very different experiences. I am sad for them.

My pdoc is retiring very soon and I am concerned about my care once he retires.

WC

Wild Coyote · Feb 20, 2018, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

people around me want me to be something different....I just want to be me with my mental illness and my sensitivity and my shyness and my taking everything serious...I just want to be me...I don't want to change ME...

I want to be loved for who I am.
I think we all desire this?

Love to All!

Just as you are!

WC

Wild Coyote · Feb 20, 2018, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

The depression and anxiety are not going away. I spoke to my pdoc last week and he said they would go away on their own. But they haven't and I feel so uncomfortable all the time. Though I m happy about the other perspective of my life - my relationship with my bf, I m not being able to enjoy it coz of the depression and anxiety. I guess I'll call my pdoc after another 4-5 days and tell him again about the depression and anxiety.

I think it's a good idea to check in with your pdoc. I support you.

It takes a balance of both desire to recover and enough patience to endure the process.

Please take care.

WC

Fuzzybear · Feb 20, 2018, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

I NEVER FIT IN ANYTHING....maybe a DISFIT...I tried so hard to fit in everywhere...
and broke down trying...of course I wanted my psychiatrist to give some medicine...
very lonely...very lonely....and I never fit into psychiatry giving all those awful strong meds...I wanted to talk...but I didn't know how to talk about peoples most serious problems...things that they did that they felt guilty about...I really wanted to do this...but then I would have to face my own strangeness....I can do that now but I am closer to death and I don't want to go back into that SICK PSYCHIATRY SYSTEM..

psychiatry is very sick...the patient is the last person cared for....the stronger make a very good living off of our illness..sorry for this rant but I am angry about the way we are being treated...

I agree

Psychiatry is very sick

Fuzzybear · Feb 20, 2018, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little turtle

people around me want me to be something different....I just want to be me with my mental illness and my sensitivity and my shyness and my taking everything serious...I just want to be me...I don't want to change ME...

(((((((((( little turtle )))))))))))

mulan · Feb 20, 2018, 07:51 PM

Not all psychiatrists are bad, psychiatry in itself is not bad. Just the fact that it exists it's a recognition that mental health problems are real and need care as any other disease.
It's an evolving science. The doctors are primordially people and so very different among themselves...

Fuzzybear · Feb 20, 2018, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mulan

Not all psychiatrists are bad, psychiatry in itself is not bad. Just the fact that it exists it's a recognition that mental health problems are real and need care as any other disease.
It's an evolving science. The doctors are primordially people and so very different among themselves...

I did see one psychiatrist once who actually treated me with respect, and as a person.

Who would have thunk it