[Max Payne]

Friends, this is driving me crazy. There is a woman I am very attracted to, and I want to ask her out more than anything. There's only 2 major problems. The first is that we work together, and I do not ask out, let alone date women I work with. So maybe this is a moot point anyway. But the second problem is I just don't trust myself.

What I mean is I'm afraid that maybe the reason I'm so attracted to her is because I can't have her. And since I know I can't have her, it's easy to pine over her and think how much better everything would be with her in my life. At the same time I'm really not at a point in my life where I should be dating anyone because I need to put myself back together. But then again, even if you don't want to go to the party, it's nice to be invited, right? :roll eyes:

I don't know. A while back I went onto a website that's all about relationships and spilled my guts about my feelings for her, and the interactions we have had. Of the handful of people who responded, the majority felt I had no chance with her. I was crushed. Then I talked about it with a friend who said, "Why are you so freaked out about what some strangers on the Internet said?! They don't know you, they don't know her, they've never seen any of the things you're talking about!"

All that said, however, I would hate to just walk away without ever at least trying. I haven't felt this strongly about someone in a long time.

I don't know. I feel like my whole life is trying to learn to fly a plane that's already at 24,000 feet.

You made your own rule about not having her. If you really like this girl, take the chance and do something with her. Go out a few times. Go slow. If it doesn't work out try to leave on a good note under friendly terms. Respect her feelings whether she says yes or no. But ya gotta try......good luck.

[JohnCrow]

Originally Posted by Max Payne

I don't know. I feel like my whole life is trying to learn to fly a plane that's already at 24,000 feet.

And let's take the blind fold off this week's contestant on"Can You Fly a 737? This week's contestant is facing the Super Double Challenge by having a blindfold and oven mitts duct taped on. Let's see how he's doing... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oooh, not so good, apparently he doesn't know even where he is!"

[elevatedsoul]

yeah, dont make it complicated i would say
just see what happens, if it isnt anything big then atleast you know instead of not knowing

[Ladycakes]

Just a thought- all these strangers on the relationships website who said you don't have a chance, they could only make the suggestion based on what they read, which is what you wrote. So everything you wrote was coming from your current point of view which appears to be quite insecure and negative. So of course anything you say about your interactions is going to be tainted with a negative vibe. You may very well have a good chance with this woman but you have set up these rules about not dating in the workplace and also, as you say, you might be using her as a smokescreen for your commitment issues.

I think you're quite insightful in recognising that your attraction to this person might be because she is unattainable. But also, you may be attracted to her because you want to feel a connection with SOMEONE. If work is the only place you're meeting people, you tend to harbour some attraction for people there. It has happened to me many times!

It is a nice idea to avoid relationships whilst you're very fragile and need to work on yourself. But sometimes having a good friend or partner can help you come through tough times.

It sounds like you need to talk this through throughly to help you come to some conclusion. If you have a therapist then ask them to help you work through your ideas about this. Or you could do some focussed journal writing to see if it brings you some clarity. Imagine how you might feel if you lifted the no work relationships rule. Would you be elated at having the permission to ask her out. Or would you be scared because you no longer have the protection of the rule?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Blues47]

How closely do you work together and how important is this job to you? I wouldn't date a woman who was integral to my job. A drunken fling, maybe, but a declaration of feelings no way. A relationship gone sour is bad enough without intruding on work.

[elevatedsoul]

whats wrong with falling in love with someone you work with? if both parties are consenting and want the same thing i would think it would be fun, make work more tolerable

[Max Payne]

Originally Posted by Blues47

How closely do you work together and how important is this job to you?

Yes, one thing we should clarify - I HATE the job. It's not the worst I've ever had but I sure don't like it. It's my second time around at it (ironically it's hers as well) and both times I have taken it only out of desperation, because many years ago I said I would never do this line of work again. The pay is lousy and I hate the work.

The thing is when I leave this job I am thinking I will probably leave the area as well. I feel like I need a fresh start and to get some sort of new path in life. As much as I'd like to see if she could/would be a part of it, I can't do it while I work there. But the other thing is I'm also afraid that if I do get to start up something, it's because I'm looking for an excuse not to face my fears and move on with life... something I think I was subconsciously doing when I was married.

To answer your first question, she is actually a manager in my department. We don't work together often, but I never know when I am going to need her help with something.

[Max Payne]

Hey folks, I was going to start another thread on this topic, and then I remembered I had already started one. For a time I told myself I wasn't going to think about her, that I was going to look at her strictly as a coworker and that was all. I was going to focus on myself and figure out what I want and need before I was going to worry about trying to please anyone else.

It didn't last.

Due to the nature of the job, I don't get much of a chance to talk to her during the day. However I often have a chance to stop by her desk as I'm leaving for the day and chat a little bit. I these moments. I play it very cool and never hint at what I really feel. It drives me a bit crazy because I get to gaze into her bright blue eyes and see that excitement and energy that she radiates, and I just have to act like I don't notice it.

Last week I had an opportunity to have a one-on-one with another coworker (i.e. I met him somewhere for a drink) and I couldn't help it, I confided in him. As it turns out, he's actually related to her so he knows her fairly well. Said she hasn't had the best of luck in relationships, and he's not sure where she is right now. What he also told me is that she too is looking for a way out of the company... she went to school for something far more creative and dreams of getting into that field. I feel like she and I could help each other, since I dream of doing creative things as well. But I don't dare talk to her about it yet either.

I thought about approaching her about it, saying maybe we could get together and talk about collaborating on a project together, tossing ideas around. But then I realized that by doing that I'd have to reveal I was talking with this guy about her, and that could seem creepy. Painted myself into a corner again.

I was hoping to see her this past weekend at a company event that we both signed up for. In fact, a couple days before I was talking to her and I made a joke that I couldn't go because I had hurt my hand a bit during a workout earlier in the week, and she said, "You better be there!" So I got all psyched about it, but then I didn't see her there. She may have been there but I didn't see her.

Thing is when I started thinking about she and I working on this "project" together I got quite excited. Suddenly I felt like I knew how to get out of here and move on with my life, as long as she was a part of it. So then when suddenly I felt like now she wouldn't be part of it, the train went off the tracks. I didn't have a depressive episode but I started feeling discouraged again.

I just needed to talk about this with someone. Thanks for listening. Tomorrow it's back to the grind, watching her from afar and wondering if she's thinking at all what I'm thinking.