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#1
May 12, 2016, 11:14 PM
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The one thing in the last few years that made me happy is now done
I was a rules guru for a game. Yeah, so what... I was recognized for my expertise and understanding, granted with a special status on one of the top sites for the game. I voluntarily gave it up. But it does nothing for me now. I find it very hard not to just give away everything I have and just surrender I have read one of the warning signs of suicides is this disconnecting. Severing ties, walking away A Softer World was ever Friday ^^^ is how I feel. I wish something would happen where I could sacrifice myself to save others, to add some value to my life. As of right now? I have added nothing of value to the human race, no legacy, no intrinsic valuation of my being here |
 Clara22, elevatedsoul, speckofdust
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#2
May 12, 2016, 11:16 PM
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| speckofdust
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#3
May 13, 2016, 12:04 AM
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my only contribution has been the hearts of people i have touched..
i dont have anything but that, the ways i affected others lives and probably helped them chose the paths they went down, while i stayed here sitting on the tree stump... waiting for the next traveler... i dont really want anything though, im pretty disconnected as well, but its not such a bad thing for me.. if i wasnt so detached from the world... id weep tears of blood... just wish i could provide and earn a little respect /self respect im not so great with words sometimes... but i totally get it... i just feel like i dont want to leave the world prematurely when there may be someone else i can touch and give part of me to.. then i can live longer in the hearts of others no matter what happens to me im sorry you are hurting... i know the pain  there are many of us in the same boat.. yet we cant see each other for the misery blinding us... does posting here help you let some of it out..? release some pressure... doesn't solve the problems, but others can help you carry your "cross"...
__________________
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| speckofdust
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 Kyanabrielle
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#4
May 13, 2016, 08:38 AM
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Quote:
This made me feel like a right twat Yes, it does help me. If I articulate outside of my own mind, it gives me clarity. Like saying something out loud that you think is a good idea and, when you hear it, you realize it is really dumb I apologize for making others 'carry my "cross"' (which, by the way, is like saying "wow, quite the whiney little *****, aren't ya?") and I won't do it again. |
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#5
May 13, 2016, 09:52 AM
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Why did you give it up? I mean, your role as a guru rules
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
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#6
May 13, 2016, 10:58 AM
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thats not how i meant it..
im really sorry, i live to help others so i just meant it in a good way... i hope you can forgive me... sometimes im not good with words.. if there is anything i can do to help please let me know... i just want you to feel better..
__________________
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| guiltier65
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| Clara22
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#7
May 16, 2016, 03:23 PM
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Quote:
I am always angry; at myself, the world, doctors, circumstances - I need to focus, to feel the anger and let it grant me strength And I quit being the rules guru because I am very tired of arguing with people who think they know more than me. I realize that makes me come across as more than a wee bit of an arrogant *** but I have demonstrated my knowledge many times and, up until recently, kept up on the latest rulings and version of the rules but I made a bad call And the person who called me on it, having been wrong before as well, is more respected in the community than me because she is a youtube celeb and a woman. My hobby is very, VERY male dominated and any woman who shows up gets fawned over. Not by me. I am not in the hobby to pick up women, I am in it because I enjoy the game and I really dislike the slavering fanboys who get all excited, "durr, look a woman!" Grow up, ya idjits! |
| elevatedsoul
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| Clara22
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#8
May 16, 2016, 03:36 PM
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I haven't a clue what a 'rules guru' is but I do know what it's like to walk away from something so important to oneself. I experienced this with turning my back on people who looked up to me in the position of leadership I held (which I must point out was reluctantly). I still have days I regret it. I miss it. But my sanity is more important. I've had to move on and find other things to give me a sense of pride and accomplishment.
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#9
May 16, 2016, 05:02 PM
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Thanks a lot for explaining. Leaving a place where one had an important role is not easy at all. It happened to me, as well. But after one reaches certain level in certain circles, staying in is not easy, either. Once somebody told me:"when you are the 'errand boy' everybody likes you. But if you grow and become more important or more regarded, some people that liked you before start disliking you."
My participation was mostly IRL. I am not sure how this works in virtual communities. BTW, i am much older than you but the more depressed I get, the angrier and more irritated I become. Ok, I do not know if this is useful, I hope you feel better soon
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
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#10
May 16, 2016, 05:03 PM
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Sorry English is not my first language
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
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#11
May 16, 2016, 06:13 PM
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pain and depression is many reasons to feel angry...
try do things for you...
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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