How much more can I take?

This has always been an ongoing problem for me. I have been diagnosed with depression for quite some time now but it has gotten a lot worse lately. I used to only feel the emotional effects such as crying and sleep disturbances. As I have gotten older, I am now developing physical symptoms as well. I am tired all the time. I try to explain this to people and my doctors and they just don't seem to understand the extent of it. It's not just tiredness, it's physical exhaustion. I don't have the energy to take a shower anymore and when I do, I find myself sitting down in the shower because I am too physically tired to stand up. I usually just rinse my hair off and don't actually wash it because I am too tired to hold my hands up to my head that long. I do a lot of typing in my current work and I find myself physically unable to do it because my hands and fingers feel like they weigh a ton and I just physically can't make myself do it. I sleep 10-12 hours a night and still feel more tired when I wake up than when I went to bed.

I know I beat myself up about it too. I just get so aggravated that I can't do the things I used to do. I am 40 years old and I know that I cannot go through another 30 or 40 years of living this way. I have been on medications over the years with really no difference. Now, since I am not able to work as much as I was, I can no longer afford them anyway.

I literally just want to go climb into bed and never come out again. I try to explain this to what little friends and family I have but I feel like I am nothing but a burden to them and they don't want to be bothered with me.

Is there any end to this? Does it ever get better? How am I supposed to keep going when all I want to do is give up? There is really nothing left that means anything to me anymore so what difference does it make anyway?

It will never get better. You have to get better. You have to fight it untill exhaustion. Have nothing to gain by letting it control you anyway. Just try to fight, it won't be easy, quite the contrary actually. But with time, you will manage to defeat it every day.

I feel for you. I too suffer from depression and know how exhausting it can be. I hope you find some relief soon and that you get the care you need and deserve.

Yes, it can get better. And I know what you mean by exhausted. I've lived it. Since my relapse in depression, I've only felt it one day but I was damn scared it was going to stay again.

Many years ago, I went through a severe depression with what they call somatic symptoms. Feeling tired, body aches, etc... My body was weak. The sensation of lifting your arms and the heaviness was unbearable.

I did recover but I must admit it took a very long time. I was off work for 2 years and worked part-time for another 2 years. During that time, I left my husband and I believe that's the real reason why I was able to fully recover.

Today, I have relapsed into depression. I have come to realize that my depressions are situational.

Anti-depressants help take the edge off as in reduce the severity of my symptoms. But in my case, the only way out is with Acceptance of Life's Challenges, taking it one day at a time and connecting with myself. I was a pro at living life in the fast lane and not feeling a thing. I used to repress every single emotion. No wonder I had a severe depression.

Today, I try to not repress anymore. Although, I'm feeling a bit numb for the last few days. Working on it! But I believe I will get better and beat depression once again.

Don't give up.

I should add that the amount of time to recover for me might have taken a long time but not repressing my emotions anymore took me forever to do.

Doesn't mean it will take you or anyone else as long. But recovery does take time. My psychologist explained to me something along the lines of:

When your energy levels are low and you're forcing yourself to do something physical, it's like paying with a credit card but having no money to pay your credit card at the end of the month. Your balance will keep on increasing = Your fatigue will increase since you don't have any reserves.

So don't overdo it and don't push yourself. For example, if you go to Walmart, spare your energy by using those driving carts.

I hope this helps!

Hello RainbowManFan: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

It is certainly true that depression & anxiety can take a great toll on the body. I have lived with this for many years. I'm an older person now & I just have to force myself to get up & do what needs to be done every day. It's been that way for a long time. The good thing, in my case, is that I don't have to hold down a job. That makes a big difference.

You mentioned you're 40. This makes me wonder about the possibility of at least some of your exhaustion being caused by hormonal deficiencies. I don't know if you are male or female. But either way perhaps you have something going on hormonally that is contributing to your exhaustion. I know you said doctors don't understand. So I presume you've seen someone about this. However, I wonder if it might be worthwhile to consult an endocrinologist... someone who specializes in these sorts of problems. I know that sometimes doctors, who don't specialize in a particular area, aren't of much help when it comes to treating conditions they don't have much knowledge of or expertise in. Beyond that there are, of course, antidepressants you can try (assuming you haven't already done so.) I personally have never found them to be that beneficial. But some people do. Good luck!

Hi RainbowManFan - welcome to PC! I'm 57 and struggling thru my 3rd year of depression. Both my mind and body have atrophied in these 3 years. I used to play racquetball, ride a bike, kayak - but can't do them now. Just walking up a couple flights of stairs exhausts me. I'm sure normal aging is a small part of the reason I tire so easily, but most of it is likely due to a lack of physical exercise for most of 3 years. I think it takes months to get into shape, but only weeks to get out of shape. Unfortunately depression leaves me with no energy, desire or motivation to exercise. Deep down, I think the only way out of this is to force myself to exercise on a regular basis. I guess I'll have to think of it like somebody that has to go thru physical therapy/rehab after a serious injury. Start out with simple exercises, like walking. Then slowly build up my stamina with additional exercises. The hard part is starting - I just feel so unable to begin the process. Hope I'm not rambling on too long here...